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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so angry at my family going to Glastonbury?

483 replies

rosess · 27/12/2019 15:18

Brother and sister in law informed everyone yesterday that they got tickets to Glastonbury this year, and they will be going for the full duration. Which means they are going to miss out on not only their daughters 15th birthday which is on the Saturday of the festival, but also my parents 50th wedding anniversary party, which has been arranged since last year that we will be hosting a party for them on the Sunday. Their two eldest children who are 20 and 23 also bagged tickets along with their mates, so they also won't be there.

I told them all that it's not fair or responsible for them to have booked tickets, they all obviously knew it was their daughters/sisters birthday and my parents wedding anniversary. The whole weekend was going to be a huge family get together, however not anymore. My eldest niece even tried to argue with me about it, saying how it's the 50th anniversary, always been on their bucket list etc. I don't care, they are missing important family dates.

They have said they are celebrating their daughters birthday the weekend prior and that they are even going to attempt to get a ticket in the resale for her, although it will be tough to get, however if they do, they'll then take their youngest who is 12, and can get in for free. So potentially the whole family will be absent.

I'm furious. They have ruined the party already, they should of never of even thought about getting tickets, it's so unfair for my parents.

I'm tempted to message my brother, and beg him to not go, my mum is quite upset that he won't be at the party. Aibu to be so angry at them all?

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 28/12/2019 18:37

It would be the OP's concern if her parents are anything like mine as they will be upset and the OP will probably end up bearing the brunt of it. @Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g thats still not the brothers fault.

That’s the parents choosing to be terrible to you/OP.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 28/12/2019 18:40

Of course it's not controlling to be upset. OP cares about her parents and her DB is behaving like a selfish twat. Sounds like OP was also involved in the preparations that her DB is shitting all over.

LovePoppy · 28/12/2019 18:41

Upset is one thing

Begging them to change their minds with emotional blackmail that ‘parents are so upset’ is bordering on controlling

FelicisNox · 28/12/2019 18:46

YANBU, it's shitty, selfish behaviour and IMO ditching their daughter on her birthday is the worst ... my parents did stuff like this all the time and it stays with you.

As for your mum: it's her job to take him to task not yours. You sound like a bossy older sister (I'm one also) and you can't control the actions of others, karma will sort him out, no one is free from consequences.

You've made your feelings clear, now you need to maintain a dignified silence. If pushed simply clarify it's your mum and niece you feel sorry for and he needn't think he will simply be forgiven because it's not on the cards and leave it at that.

You are not overreacting, yes Glasto is hard to get into but it's on every year and there will be other chances, Festivals do NOT come before family.... unless you hate your family.

On the up side: they haven't ruined anything. You will have a wonderful time without them and they will be conspicuous by their absence, once word gets around why he's not there his name will be mud and that will be his issue to deal with.

They clearly don't care if they are there or not and this looks like a deliberate sabotage so just have a wicked party without them and maybe you could take his DD out on her birthday for a treat? Maybe lunch and shopping?

bigliz · 28/12/2019 19:04

OP have a word with yourself. Really. Lighten up

fluffiphlox · 28/12/2019 19:30

Don’t blame them one bit.

Thingaling · 28/12/2019 19:48

Yadnbu

I would be livid too. Glastonbury is on every year. Your parents won’t be around forever. Festivals are NOT more important than family.

LovePoppy · 28/12/2019 20:11

Ooooh I love guilt posts “they are going to die one day!!!!”

manicmij · 28/12/2019 20:12

Folk have different priorities - family/festival? As you have said people have made long distance travel arrangements so don't change a thing, go ahead with your parent's celebration. Hope that it rains the whole Glastonbury festival if you like. If your family members have any kind of conscience they may feel a bit of regret in time to come that they missed the celebration. With so many people not marrying, separating, divorcing, celebrating a long marriage could well be seen as a non event by some. Forget about the non attendees, support your parents and look forward to the celebration.

LovePoppy · 28/12/2019 20:42

If your family members have any kind of conscience they may feel a bit of regret in time to come that they missed the celebration

Why be so petty as to hope they feel regret?

saraclara · 28/12/2019 20:55

The thing is, whatever other posters might feel about 50th anniversary parties, to the OP's parents, this party is huge. People are flying from the US to celebrate with them. And OP's mother is upset to hear that her son won't be there.

I don't like big parties either, but Jeeze, I'd not go out of my way to hurt and disappoint parents who love me.

What I don't understand is why, since the festival is five days long, brother isn't prepared to miss a day of it to attend the party. He doesn't have to give up the whole festival. Just be there for the party ffs.

winniestone37 · 28/12/2019 21:11

You sound like you’re just envious tbh with you. Life’s really too short

ReanimatedSGB · 28/12/2019 21:45

It's far more likely that both OP and her parents are controlling bullies, though, and finally brother (and, possibly his DW) have just had enough of being ordered about. So they are not going to go to this party they clearly don't want to go to, and OP can either scream until she's sick, or stop trying to force everyone to obey her.

bohemia14 · 28/12/2019 22:45

I can't believe some of the responses on this thread. I don't think I know a single person in real life who wouldn't think that their parents Golden Wedding was an important event and want to join in their celebrations.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 28/12/2019 22:51

It sounds as though the brother not only knew about the party in advance, but that the date was actually set early in order to accommodate the niece's potential travel arrangements. If that is so, they should have been clear that they were looking to get tickets for Glastonbury. They didn't say anything, so now other people have made travel arrangements to be there. To me, that's just downright selfish. Unless there's a backstory, but if there were, I doubt they'd have been so keen to set the date for the party back in August.
OP, you've made your feelings clear, I would just leave it now. If your brother attempts to justify himself to you, I'd shut him down. If your mum gets upset, by all means listen to her but it really isn't for you to try to sort out. As for your niece's birthday, you'll have to leave that one to your brother and SIL to deal with. I can't imagine booking to go away over my child's birthday - at least, not whilst they were still a child at school.
I am not surprised at the attitudes on here - saddened, but not surprised.

Bugbabe1970 · 28/12/2019 23:15

The headliners in Glasto are crap this year
You’ll have a better time at the party 😊

Daisymaybe60 · 28/12/2019 23:42

For the life's too short posters, Life usually is pretty short by the time you get to your 50th wedding anniversary. It's a biggie. My dad died a year before my DP's golden wedding, my mum 3 years later. I wish I'd had the chance to celebrate with them. If DH and I make ours, in a few years time, I'd like to think our DC care enough about us to keep the day free, even if it means missing a few hours at Glastonbury. I don't actually think that makes me a controlling bully. Isn't it pretty normal to want to celebrate your family's big events?

ACouchOfOnesOwn · 29/12/2019 00:09

Reanimated have you read the thread or are you projecting from a time when you missed a party to go to a festival? The OP's brother picked the date of the party. It was arranged round his DD's availability, as his request. That's not bullying.

Catsinthecupboard · 29/12/2019 02:15

My grandfather died 6 mos after the celebrated their 50th anniversary.

My dh's niece cried buckets bc she chose not to attend her grandmother's 90th bd...She did not make it to 91 and did not see her granddaughter before she passed away.

Life IS short; especially for the elderly.

Besidesthepoint · 29/12/2019 09:39

@AutumnRose1
And no one on this thread or IRL can explain to me why family dos like wedding anniversaries are special. To me they’re just a chore.

Because in this case it is a last chance to have the whole family together. It is the last time that people will see each other. Anyone with a heart can see that that will be a big deal for the parents.
I hate family get togethers as well, just like I hate weddings and funerals, but I go because I care about the people involved and want to be there for them. It would be utterly selfish to only do what one wants to do the whole time and never care about another.

There is your explanation, do you have one for me? Because I can't comprehend why a nothing special festival beats meeting family members from overseas for the last time.

JacquesHammer · 29/12/2019 09:47

I think many people are missing the point.

Why wasn’t the potential of Glastonbury mentioned at all during the planning process?

That would have avoided the whole situation.

The two events are actually unimportant what they are, a brief mention would have sorted the party & the potential for Glastonbury could both be achieved. The fact that nothing was mentioned and a previous commitment has been thrown over for a perceived “better offer” is incredibly unreasonable and immensely rude.

poppy54321 · 29/12/2019 09:49

Yanbu

StreetwiseHercules · 29/12/2019 09:51

Mind your own business and stop being so controlling. These people are not answerable to you regarding how they choose their time.

Enforced family obligation and royal command performances just push people away.

Move the date or accept these people won’t be there. It’s up to you.

JacquesHammer · 29/12/2019 10:16

Only on MN is an expectation of some sort of decent manners seen as controlling Grin

clairefrasier · 29/12/2019 10:23

OP, did they tell you in advance that they would be trying to book Glastonbury tickets ?

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