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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so angry at my family going to Glastonbury?

483 replies

rosess · 27/12/2019 15:18

Brother and sister in law informed everyone yesterday that they got tickets to Glastonbury this year, and they will be going for the full duration. Which means they are going to miss out on not only their daughters 15th birthday which is on the Saturday of the festival, but also my parents 50th wedding anniversary party, which has been arranged since last year that we will be hosting a party for them on the Sunday. Their two eldest children who are 20 and 23 also bagged tickets along with their mates, so they also won't be there.

I told them all that it's not fair or responsible for them to have booked tickets, they all obviously knew it was their daughters/sisters birthday and my parents wedding anniversary. The whole weekend was going to be a huge family get together, however not anymore. My eldest niece even tried to argue with me about it, saying how it's the 50th anniversary, always been on their bucket list etc. I don't care, they are missing important family dates.

They have said they are celebrating their daughters birthday the weekend prior and that they are even going to attempt to get a ticket in the resale for her, although it will be tough to get, however if they do, they'll then take their youngest who is 12, and can get in for free. So potentially the whole family will be absent.

I'm furious. They have ruined the party already, they should of never of even thought about getting tickets, it's so unfair for my parents.

I'm tempted to message my brother, and beg him to not go, my mum is quite upset that he won't be at the party. Aibu to be so angry at them all?

OP posts:
Benjispruce · 28/12/2019 14:10

It was cool back in the late 80s, now it’s a midlife crisis festival.

NoooorthonerMum · 28/12/2019 14:27

There are some seriously selfish ageing rockers on this thread. This is exactly the kind of selfish behaviour you'd expect of a pair of teenagers (and that their parents wouldn't let them getaway with). They committed to the family party - people are coming from abroad, it's a one off. I do think that some people have this weird attitude that only younger generations should be allowed to have celebrations. Grandparents should sit quietly at other people's parties (or stay at home and babysit for their kids) and just be grateful to be remembered at all. Nasty.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 28/12/2019 14:30

I didn't have a 40th birthday party.

I didn't have a wedding.

I am not into huge events.

But you know what? When someone I love asks me to be part of a special celebration that means a lot to them - and I say yes - then I damn well honour that commitment.

Because I'm not a total cunt.

JacquesHammer · 28/12/2019 14:36

There are some seriously selfish ageing rockers on this thread

Rockers don’t go to Glastonbury. Have you seen the line ups Wink

BG2015 · 28/12/2019 15:21

The line up is terrible......Taylor Swift???!! Unless they announce some better bands I'd be very disappointed at that.

comingintomyown · 28/12/2019 15:36

I can see why you are miffed about the anniversary not the birthday. Nothing you can do or should do it’s a matter for your brother and his parents and I would now keep quiet and neutral

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 28/12/2019 15:43

There are some seriously selfish ageing rockers on this thread

Nah. Just ageing! I do agree that it's become a bit of a mid life crisis thing now and my seriously cool and edgy nieces and nephews wouldn't be seen dead at something so Middle aged and middle class.

My argument is that I was never cool and edgy didn't get an opportunity to go to music festivals when I was younger amd want to see and experience this one.

Ocomeocomeimaginaryfleas · 28/12/2019 15:58

If your DB said, or strongly implied, that he would be available then it's a bit off to leave it this late to tell you that he isn't. But I don't blame him for his choice. It sounds like some people in your family like parties, and some don't.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 28/12/2019 16:02

Utterly selfish. If Glastonbury is that important to them, when they were involved in the initial discussions about the date they should have said 'There is just the outside possibility that we might get tickets for Glastonbury - we're certainly going to apply. Could we set the date for the party so it doesn't clash?'

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 28/12/2019 16:25

I've done Glastonbury, it was fantastic, but having lost a lot of relatives in the last five years and only seeing the rest at funerals I'd pick a big positive family event over any festival.

So I don't think the OP is BU, though she probably needs to step back a bit as it's not her decision.

Besidesthepoint · 28/12/2019 16:45

My argument is that I was never cool and edgy didn't get an opportunity to go to music festivals when I was younger amd want to see and experience this one.

I've done festivals in my teens, twenties and thirties. What would be the differance for you between now and the next festival or next year? No one on this thread has been able to explain why Glastonbury is any more special than all the other festivals out there. It sounds like just a hype.

Milsplus3 · 28/12/2019 17:17

YABU I don’t know anyone who would attend a boring anniversary party over Glastonbury sorry. It isn’t really your concern either tbh. Either ask your parents to change the date so everyone can come or accept they aren’t bothered about attending.

Milsplus3 · 28/12/2019 17:19

Just to add I’ve never been to Glastonbury or have any interest in it, so that’s not why I think that, but you can’t expect people to put their life on hold for a party that can be rearranged.

Jillyhilly · 28/12/2019 17:23

you can’t expect people to put their life on hold for a party that can be rearranged

You can’t expect grown adults to agree on a date for an important family event and then keep their commitment?

CharlottesPleb · 28/12/2019 17:27

You sound a bit controlling/entitled to be honest

While I agree about daughter's birthday and would never do this with my own, that is not even close to your business.

Could say the same about parents, to be honest. They can commemorate/congratulate on 50th anniversary or even not care, without your help.

Probably feel justifiably annoyed, but really butt out, you won't do anyone any favours.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 28/12/2019 17:31

It would be the OP's concern if her parents are anything like mine as they will be upset and the OP will probably end up bearing the brunt of it.

Also, so what if the anniversary party is a bit sedate for some of the guests? Surely the point of a big party celebrating a significant anniversary or birthday for an older person/couple with adult children, adult grandchildren and relatives living abroad is that the family probably very rarely gets together, and chances to do it are probably getting fewer. The family is getting together as an unselfish gesture of love and affection to the couple. For the couple's own son to say he and his family will be there and then to say a few weeks later 'Oh sorry, something better came up' is just not on. What happened to putting others first?

Motoko · 28/12/2019 17:33

for a party that can be rearranged.

The brother knew the date of the party, before booking tickets. The party date was chosen to accommodate one of his adult children (one who is now also going to Glasto).

Plane tickets have been booked already, by party guests living in America. If the party date was moved now, they would have to pay more money to change their flights.

The brother is the unreasonable one here.

Caro59 · 28/12/2019 17:40

Its annoying but at the end of the day its their decision. Dealing with it by declaring the event ruined is just being over dramatic and more than a little childish.

AutumnRose1 · 28/12/2019 17:42

Besides “ No one on this thread has been able to explain why Glastonbury is any more special than all the other festivals out there. ”

And no one on this thread or IRL can explain to me why family dos like wedding anniversaries are special. To me they’re just a chore.

One of my dad’s totally unplanned birthdays, just three of us, at a local cheap place was really special and lovely in the way you can’t plan.

This stuff is personal.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 28/12/2019 17:45

I'm not a huge fan of massive parties either, but I'd go to one my parents had organised for their sakes, because it would make them happy.

AutumnRose1 · 28/12/2019 17:51

I also wonder how much of it is about hitting the point where you feel you’ve done enough to please your parents and at some point, there’ll be something that makes you say “no”.

After the 50th wedding anniversary, I told dad if he was going to have another massive do for his 80th birthday, I’d still be in introvert recovery from the anniversary 😂 I wouldn’t have had anything remotely exciting like Glastonbury as an excuse!

FaveNumberIs2 · 28/12/2019 18:10

Ignoring your 15year old’s birthday is one sure fire way to kill a family. My parents did it to me on my 29th birthday, it was the last straw and I haven’t spoken to them in over 12 years.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 28/12/2019 18:11

You sound horrid. Are the rest of your family like this? No wonder they made better plans. If their 15yo is fine with it it is none of your business.

Jillyhilly · 28/12/2019 18:11

One of my dad’s totally unplanned birthdays, just three of us, at a local cheap place was really special and lovely in the way you can’t plan.

Oh yes, the joy of a surprise unplanned lovely celebration night out. Those ones are just the absolute best.

I also think that it’s absolutely fine to say no we can’t come, or make excuses, or do something more fun than attend a 50th wedding anniversary (which probably isn’t difficult). But the time to do that IMO is before the commitment has been made and a date agreed upon, and other people have certain expectations of you.

Bluntness100 · 28/12/2019 18:22

It's really controlling to be fuming about this. Basically they will be on holiday at the time of the party and the holiday date is non negotiable.. The kids will have a week with their gran. Yes they miss your parents bbq, but really I couldn't be fuming about that. I'm sure they will make it up to your mum and see her another time, and the daughter will have great celebration before hand.

You need to stop trying to control others, and getting all up in their business, enjoying thr drama, it does no one any good.

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