To be so angry at my family going to Glastonbury?

[rosess]

Brother and sister in law informed everyone yesterday that they got tickets to Glastonbury this year, and they will be going for the full duration. Which means they are going to miss out on not only their daughters 15th birthday which is on the Saturday of the festival, but also my parents 50th wedding anniversary party, which has been arranged since last year that we will be hosting a party for them on the Sunday. Their two eldest children who are 20 and 23 also bagged tickets along with their mates, so they also won't be there.

I told them all that it's not fair or responsible for them to have booked tickets, they all obviously knew it was their daughters/sisters birthday and my parents wedding anniversary. The whole weekend was going to be a huge family get together, however not anymore. My eldest niece even tried to argue with me about it, saying how it's the 50th anniversary, always been on their bucket list etc. I don't care, they are missing important family dates.

They have said they are celebrating their daughters birthday the weekend prior and that they are even going to attempt to get a ticket in the resale for her, although it will be tough to get, however if they do, they'll then take their youngest who is 12, and can get in for free. So potentially the whole family will be absent.

I'm furious. They have ruined the party already, they should of never of even thought about getting tickets, it's so unfair for my parents.

I'm tempted to message my brother, and beg him to not go, my mum is quite upset that he won't be at the party. Aibu to be so angry at them all?

I think you are all being very unfair on the OP. She is understandably upset on her parents behalf. I’m sure they sacrificed plenty for their children over the years and I’m sure they would love to get all their family together for their anniversary (family photos!) and to show them off to family who live abroad.

To ditch their parents/grandparents for a concert is very harsh. They knew the party was on, they knew it was important to their parents/grandparents and they didn’t care.

My grandparents had a 50th wedding anniversary party and we got some great family photos and had a great night. My grandmother still talks about it all the time. My grandfather passed away soon after and it ended up being the last time all the family was together and a happy memory for her now he is gone. But then in my family we actually care about our family members feelings and want to be there for their important occasions.

Op I would just stay out of it at this stage. Smooth it over - apologise if they are annoyed at you by just saying you got angry as you were upset that they care so little for their parent/grandparent. If they mention it to you again between now and the party just reiterate you find it sad they care so little for their parent/grandparents and leave it at that.

Also amazed at the number of posters who think ‘Glasto’ aka an overpriced concert is more important than family.

YABU, Glastonbury tickets are really hard to get hold of, and it is a fantastic experience so good on them for going as a family, move the party or go ahead with it without them.

Invite 12yo, 15yo, and their Gran/babysitter to The Party. Also make a fuss of 15yo for her bday. Ensure they all have a great time.

It is v odd and selfish that your brother and wife excluded their own younger kids from the Glastonbury trip (more than being double booked for a family party, meh) but it is none of your business.

Besides

I'd say that just another family do won't be remembered or cared about by many. Well, it might, but we're all entitled to do what is special to us and there's going to be some tough calls along the way.

also, family - we have no way of knowing whether it's important to the OP brother or not. I think that not mentioning Glasto was probably a fait accompli as well.

someone mentioned that OP brother might take favours etc - I admit I hadn't thought of that, but I don't know what I think about seeing it all as a quid pro quo anyway.

we are obviously not going to agree, but that's okay.

and the OP will handle it however she wants to.

I agree with JacquesHammer - if they were thinking of going to Glastonbury they really should have said so when the Golden Wedding party was being planned. Really rude to know about the parents' party then sod off to Glastonbury. It doesn't matter what the other event is, it's the fact they've chosen it over the family party which they'd already agreed to attend.

It’s ALL the brother’s fault- he knew the date of the party before he booked tickets. He’s an arse.

He also knew the party date couldn’t be changed as flights from US had been booked. Even more of an arse. YANBU.

I'd say there has clearly been a communication failure. Probably on both sides.

DB agreed to party, didn't properly realise clash (as, reasonably not the single most important thing in his life). Tried and miraculously got Glastonbury tickets. Didn't mention it till now as the situation only just dawning.

OP took it as firm commitment, organises massive party - whole thing escalated to family flying in from the states, without brother understanding that, or a "before we go ahead and book, is this definite" check in.

It is what it is.

What I would say is that changing flights with 6 months' notice is easily achieved. DB/DN etc all getting tickets for Glastonbury again unlikely.

"Controlling" and "bullies". Unbelievable!
It's not being a controlling bully to expect her DB to attend a party HE wanted on that date due to his daughter's travelling. How bizarre to think that.
Saying that I can't imagine wanting tu go to either a large golden wedding celebration or Glastonbury. My own DB goes to 'Glasto' as often as he can, 50 years old and still wearing a bucket hat and Liam Gallagher parka haha.

This is really weird. MN threads about ditching a prior commitment for a “better offer” are usually unanimous in their condemnation of the person considering it. And yet the mere mention of Glastonbury here has most posters going all “well, you can’t blame them it’s only a poxy old 50th wedding anniversary do.”

OP, your brother was an arse for even trying to get the tickets when he knew this party was that same weekend. I say that as someone who’s been to Glastonbury three times, so I know what’s at stake here.

Glad you’ve accepted his twatiness and will carry on regardless. And I think making him feel guilty about what he’s doing is the very least he can expect given he’s been such an arse.

They are going to Glastonbury so take that out of the equation. The only question for you is do you try to rearrange including other people's travel or do you just have a fab party without them.

I'd be tempted to say that DB and SIL can re-arrange the party themselves if they want to go to it. But I wouldn't, because they wouldn't, because, well, arseholes.

Don't change your plans because of them. Cannot believe people are suggesting far-flung family should be messed about because of selfish people.

Have a lovely time without them. You really will have a lovely time without them.

Oh, and re-arranging it wouldn't make your mum feel any better, as they've already shown they don't care about her special celebration.

YABU. So they'd rather go to Glasto than the 50th anni party. So would I. The way you are going on about it, sounds like it wouldn't be much fun. Surely it's between brother and your parents anyway? It's them he's "letting down". As for daughter - she's 15! I'm sure she doesn't care either way if her parents are there for her actual birthday or not! Let these poor people have a life and stop trying to dictate what they should or shouldn't do!

So glad my family have backbones and loyalty to their word.

Hmmm. Stuck in a room with the entire family, or go to Glastonbury. It’s a tricky one.

@LovePoppy, you quoted me and responded:

^It would be the OP's concern if her parents are anything like mine as they will be upset and the OP will probably end up bearing the brunt of it.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g thats still not the brothers fault. That’s the parents choosing to be terrible to you/OP.

Where are you getting 'terrible' from? What's so unusual in parents talking to one of their children about something another child has done and how it makes them feel?

I agree that it's self-centred behaviour on their part but - YABU to think it's ok to try to control what they want to do and to effectively guilt them into doing what YOU think they should.

I wonder if the answers to this would have been different at another time of year. I'm getting the impression that a lot of posters have had an overdose of sitting around with family in the last few days and can think of nothing worse than doing it again in June.

Gasp yy I was wondering that ... but there does seem an odd cohort of Glastonbury enthusiasts here too. Strangely they never seem to be around in the summer when posters are complaining about their DH's buggering off to Glasto, taking drugs, recapturing their youth and leaving their DWs and DCs at home to manage and pay for everything. In the summer, most posters can see that Glasto is a bit naff and not worth more than family commitments.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g

“and the OP will probably end up bearing the brunt of it.”

The brunt of what if they aren’t being terrible about it? I’m certainly not going to sit around and listen to my parents event and be angry at me because of something my brother has done.

That’s between them, and I’m not taking on that emotional drama.

Vent= event

If a parent is going on about one sibling to the other in a negative way, it’s going to turn the sibling against each other. That’s not good parenting. Even if all are adults.

How selfish of him knowing the date and not sayng anything until now-does he have form for this

He could have said at the time is it possible to do another weekend im trying to get glasto tickets at least

Sad, not angry.

Well everyone's got six months or so to hopefully get over it and move on. Glastonbury will be fab and the party will be epic.

😬