DD kicked a child in the face

[OutlawTorm]

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

Please please for the love of god learn to fucking read
Why are you always so angry Aaarrgghh?
OP wasn't standing there blankly she was trying to shoo the child without getting physical with her.

I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face

So covering up would ace stopped the girl being annoying and somehow, by covering up her mum would have actually stepped in and done something? I don’t buy that for one second.

Emeraldshamrock

Why am I always angry? Am I always angry? I don’t think I am. Frustrated because people cannot seem to read is what I am.

This is such an awful thread to read.
They are both children. Both of them sound like they have difficulties. Neither are ‘rats’ or the other horrible things said here about the six year old. Both of them should be told that what they did was not okay. Not because they are bad, but because they need help to understand and control their impulses. I am more worried about the 6 year old than the 10 year old because of her mother’s response.

But perhaps the worst and most unempathic thing on this thread (and there’s a load to choose from) is how horrible people are being to and about the OP. She is worried about her daughter and going through assessment which may include asd. Worrying about your child’s development and mental health is awful- as many here should know. I’m not surprised she hasn’t come back and hope she isn’t still reading. But if you are OP- I’m sorry that you had a difficult day and that mn is being so vile. It’s not your fault and I hope you and your dd get the help needed.

So covering up would ace stopped the girl being annoying and somehow, by covering up her mum would have actually stepped in and done something? I don’t buy that for one second.

Neither. It would have removed any immediate need for the ten year old to “defend herself”, because there is no need to commit violence in self-defence just because someone is annoying you.

I don't normally side with an OP in this situation, but here I'm with you. She'd had enough warning.

Three things, from reading in between the posters arguing about something else entirely...

One, the DD had no other place to kick the bratty (and deliberately offensive) pest than in the face, since that was the bit of the brat that was invading her space in a completely unacceptable way.

Two, we don't know whether DD had her shoes on or not, and that makes a huge difference. If she did, then yes, the brat was more likely to be hurt; if she didn't, she could as easily have broken her toe as broken the brat's nose. Always supposing it was a hard kick; this doesn't seem to have been the case, since no actual damage seems to have been done.

And three, this whole incident sounds to me as if it happened in under a minute; the chances of finding a member of staff in time to do anything to prevent the nuisance are nil, I'd say, and if the adult mother had physically removed the brat who was invading her daughter's privacy she would herself have been liable to censure: you cannot just manhandle other people's children and assume it's not going to cause a ruckus.

(In passing, people keep saying "she was behind a locked door". Really? She locks changing room doors against her mother? And if she was, it clearly wasn't a sufficient protection against someone whose age DD did not know and possibly whose sex she wasn't sure about either, getting in there with her, even if it was only their head so far.)

OP, I wouldn't blame DD; I wouldn't even blame her for saying in the heat of the moment that she wished she had hurt the other child badly (which to me suggests she knew that she hadn't kicked hard enough to do so). I would at a later time have a chat with DD of the "I don't blame you for what you did, but I think it was a bit of an over-reaction and you might get into trouble for doing it; if something like this ever happens again, what else might you do that would be better?" type. The sort I had with each of my daughters in turn when they finally lashed out against someone who had been going on and on at them until they felt threatened.

there is no need to commit violence in self-defence just because someone is annoying you.

The 10yo was trapped in the cubicle and in an ideal situation would have changed into her own clothes but it's easy for adults like us to say that.

Her mum was being wet and should have shouted out for the 6yo's mum or told the 10yo to get changed and reassure the 10yo to wait and she will sort it before getting help. I would expect a 10yo to respond to that request but it needed an adult to be in control.

I disagree with the poster who said that it's not the OP's fault. I think that she shoulders some blame that her dd has to resort to shock measures.

There is a possibility that the 6yo saw the foot, flinched and banged it on the floor or door.

I think that the OP is lucky that her dd didn't shout at her for not doing more. While I'm not saying that I always get it right, I can admit to my kids when I get it wrong.

The 10yo was trapped in the cubicle and in an ideal situation would have changed into her own clothes but it's easy for adults like us to say that.

Yes, and if my DD thought it was a better option to kick a small child in the face, I would swiftly correct her.

I still sitting here utterly gobsmacked that so many people think a six year old deserved a kick in the face. The names she has been called and the staggering lack of understanding of child development is quite frankly terrifying. What awful people you really are

I don't know that she 'deserved' a kick in the face, but I think it was potentially a foreseeable possible consequence of the dear wee thing's continued actions. Perhaps now the six year old will realise that, and cease and desist from repeating that particular action.

@eveshopper I can't believe some think it's acceptable for a 10 year old's privacy to be repeatedly violated. What a horrible person you are #sadface

A six year old that can tell two adults to shut up and ignored the shouts and banging of an older child clearly isn’t being taught how to behave. No one is saying this is right but everyone is different and clearly she has been shown now that not everyone will pander to her naughtiness, maybe she will question her actions more? Doubtful given how little care her mum had that she was wandering off alone and out of sight.

Given the op didn’t help her kid in this situation I’d argue that she doesn’t stand up for her daughter much in other areas and so clearly her daughter lashed out because she wasn’t being helped and wanting the issue to stop and go away, she achieved this no matter how wrong it might be she helped herself when no one else would and I wouldn’t tell her off for that. Obviously discuss other ways to cope etc however, how much use will that be when shouting out for the girl to stop while her mum stood there and did nothing, she doesn’t believe she will be helped. Neither of the kids are to blame really.

And bringing up child development is laughable, you are expecting the ten year old to act like an adult and that just isn’t going to happen. Fucking ridiculous.

Aaarrgghhh

There are obviously parenting fails going on here (on both sides). But no 6 year old deserves to be on the receiving end of violence.

@WatchingTheMoon

I can't believe some think it's acceptable for a 10 year old's privacy to be repeatedly violated. What a horrible person you are #sadface

At NO point did I say it was acceptable. Not once. Don't make shit up.

And bringing up child development is laughable you are expecting the ten year old to act like an adult and that just isn’t going to happen. Fucking ridiculous.

No. The point about child development was that so many people don't have a clue about children. That includes the ten year old, but my comments were about the six year old because I was responding to the idea that she 'deserved' it.

Also I would expect a ten year old to act like a ten year old, not like an adult. I dint at any point say otherwise.

Actions = consequences. Sometimes those consequences are worse than you're expecting. But your actions caused that consequence. . . if you don't like that consequence, possibly you won't perform that action again. Just in case. . .

Haven't rtft but I will teach my daughter to do what yours did if someone persistently gets in her space

I still sitting here utterly gobsmacked that so many people think a six year old deserved a kick in the face. The names she has been called and the staggering lack of understanding of child development is quite frankly terrifying. What awful people you really are

I agree with EVERY WORD of this post.

This site is fucking staggering sometimes

I don’t think I’ve said she deserves it, just that it’s something that can happen as a consequence. I’d rather teach my kids to be prepared not to piss someone off because you don’t know how they will react. I don’t blame the ten year old for her actions.

Random hypothetical.

If the 10yo child had covered up and left the changing room in a hurry and the door opened into the child's face and caused her injury. What would people say then?

Because as an adult I wouldn't seek to harm someone if I had an escape but I certainly would have sought to make sure I had enough time to escape.

I think a child doing this to a child will provoke the same fear and reaction that an adult doing it to an adult would. Your own peers often cause the greatest amount of reaction.

@eveshopper You implied it heavily. What else was the 10 year old supposed to do?

@WatchingTheMoon

I implied NOTHING.

I didn't even mention the ten year old. I was talking only about people's disgusting attitude towards the six year old.

By offering absolutely no opinion whatsoever if the ten year old and what she could have done. There was ZERO implication in my post.

Don't try and add it to suit. It doesn't work.

It's not posters saying the 6yo received a reaction (unintentended consequence for violation of privacy) and maybe will cease and desist in future who don't understand child development.

A 6yo damn well knows what stop means and they damn well know you don't look under doors. Yes, they do it. But to continue when asked to stop by your victim and their adult carer and respond with such rudeness and defiance is not natural if a 6yo development.

It's people thinking 6yo behave this way that allows them to behave this way.

I'm sitting here and can't believe the name calling for a vulnerable 10 yo girl with behavioural difficulties and possible SN. The superiority complex over how much better behaved them or their children would be. Baying for blood and righteous outrage . Calling her a shit,vile,in need of anger management,sickening. Just because they see her as the aggressor. Just because they wouldn't do that. Just because hitting is wrong. No attempt at at least trying to understand how that 10 yo felt or consideration that not only would she not react like an adult, but due to her difficulties she might not even act or think or risk assess like a 10 yo.

Some people are awful and lack empathy.