DD kicked a child in the face

[OutlawTorm]

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

@Emeraldshamrock pardon?
The op said she was shocked that the mum shrugged it off.
I wondering what outcome she would have preferred from someone who was told her daughter was being “annoying” and was then kicked in the face..

Do you have children @fizzy ?

I'd let it go. Obviously it really isn't the correct way to go about it but it was a difficult situation given the other girl had no adult supervision at the time and was very persistent and rude. Luckily the little girl wasn't hurt.

I wondering what outcome she would have preferred from someone who was told her daughter was being “annoying” and was then kicked in the face
I think OP was hoping the DM would check her child over to see if she was okay, then follow by apologising for her DC behaviour following OP apologising for her DDs behaviour. Job done.

A better comparison would be. I was in the toilet at a nightclub. I was a bit drunk. Alone and didn't have anyone around me. A man tried to get in under the toilets. I asked him to stop. He didn't.

This is just a crazy comparison and is completely where the problem lies. People are responding as if this was the situation and not a cheeky/rude 6 year old girl. I think some people just like to be a bit stupid to get a reaction as this surely can't be a rational persons thought process.

Not one person has said a child should be raised to not defend themselves, everyone is clear that a child needs to know about privacy and their bodies.

it's just some people don't seem to be able to comprehend the fact that you can teach a child to defend themselves and also teach them in this situation it was wrong.

Both parents were wrong and both children were wrong.

Also I do think in future if anything similar crops up you need to be more proactive. Step outside the cubicle to talk to the little girl and tell her to return to her parent or let the member of staff who monitor the changing rooms know that there's an unattended child being a nuisance.

People are responding as if this was the situation and not a cheeky/rude 6 year old girl.

But to a ten year on the receiving end who lacks the emotional intelligence and rationality of an adult, the situation may have felt just as threatening as the situation described.

The comment that’s most chilling is when dc responds to her mums comment that she could seriously have hurt the 6 year old, to which the reply was ‘I wish I had’. I mean, come on, surely the most stringent apologists for violence on here should think that that comment is kind of disturbing? And also puts to bed people on here saying it probably wasn’t a kick but just a gentle nudge with a bare foot, as the op wouldn’t have made the comment about serious injury if it was. And as for people ‘loling’ on here about a child kicking someone in the face, no wonder we’re seeing increasing violence on our streets from young people if they have role models like these parents in their lives.

@Butchyrestingface I simply don't think that was how it sounded and most 10year olds would not have felt threatened by this, but been pissed off and annoyed by it.

From op *I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”. That sounds like she was annoyed and frustrated not scared.

I don’t think the OP’s child meant it when she said, she wish she had seriously hurt the child.
If that were the case, I think she wouldn’t have kicked on the 4th occasion after 3 warnings.

I think this answer was one given purely out of frustration of being repeatedly violated in her privacy just moments before and her mum not stepping in to stop the culprit but instead blaming her DD afterwards for defending herself after giving several warnings.

@Butchyrestingface I simply don't think that was how it sounded and most 10year olds would not have felt threatened by this, but been pissed off and annoyed by it.

I don’t think we can know, since none of us were there. The 10 yo was in a vulnerable position from which she couldn’t easily extricate herself, child had been told repeatedly to desist. I think what happened is not surprising given the circumstances.

And it was established fairly on that this is not your typical 10 yo.

@Honeybee85 😂😂😂😂😂 you don't think she meant it. This is brilliant, the kids own mother is concerned by that language and response as she already has bad behavioural problems but you (who don't know her and weren't there) have concluded she didn't really mean it.

The OP isn't asking if its unsurprising she's asking is it normal and should she have told the daughter it's unacceptable , simple answer is No, it is not normal behaviour for a 10 year old.

but you (who don't know her and weren't there) have concluded she didn't really mean it.

Would being there have made a difference? I've heard children say things they didn't actual mean plenty of times. Sometimes in the heat of the moment they say unkind things, but that doesn't mean that they mean them.

@lilgreen Yup.
What’s your point ?

Tigger001 You like to insist on how others should feel based on your own feelings. That isn’t how life works.

The OP isn't asking if its unsurprising she's asking is it normal and should she have told the daughter it's unacceptable , simple answer is No, it is not normal behaviour for a 10 year old

It would be unsurprising precisely because I do think it would be a normal response for a child at the end of their rope.

I’m surprised. How would you feel if your 6 yr old had annoyed (in a silly way)another child much older and got purposely kicked in the face causing her to cry ?

@Bourbonbiccy

You can disagree with others without being so defensive over your own point of view.

And yes, I do think the DD didn’t mean it. I think her comment was made purely out of frustration.
I feel more concerned about the mother’s inability to stand up for her daughter when it’s necessary.

If my 5 yo had invaded somebody's private space. Violated them. Embarrassed and distressed them and then bee so disgustingly rude to the other child and the adult and then finally got some retaliation after repeated clear requests I'd absolutely bollock them. Tell them that if I ever found out that they had been so disgusting I the other child would be the least of their worries.

I would have done exactly as the 6 year olds mother did in the situation

Emeraldshamrock I don’t think you know what manslaughter means. You can’t attempt manslaughter, it basically means accidental death or death without malice etc. You can’t deliberately try and accidentally kill someone..

Would being there have made a difference? I've heard children say things they didn't actual mean plenty of times. Sometimes in the heat of the moment they say unkind things, but that doesn't mean that they mean them.

the child own mother was concerned with how she responded to it, she knows her own child, if it was just a flippant the child's own mother wouldn't be concerned.

I have also heard lots of kids say unkind things, their parents normally teach good behaviours and pull them up on it. I don't and clearly the child's mother doesn't think that to be the case here.

The child's own mother is useless. I wouldn't give any stock to anything she's said. Not that she's said anything.

I’m surprised. How would you feel if your 6 yr old had annoyed (in a silly way)another child much older and got purposely kicked in the face causing her to cry ?

I would be dismayed that I had raised a child who ignored an adult telling her to stop doing something repeatedly, who stuck their tongue out at said adult and told them to “shut up” (!), who had upset another child minding their own business to the point that they kicked her, and who then told me to “shut up”.

And then I’d probably think I needed to keep a tighter reign on the 6 year old’s whereabouts when out in public.