Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 29 30 31 32 33 34

Original poster

DD kicked a child in the face

833 replies

OutlawTorm · 27/12/2019 14:04

Took DD (10) shopping for clothes to spend her Christmas money. She was trying on clothes in a cubicle when a little girl (aged about 6?) came along and bent down to look under the cubicle door. DD told her to away. The girl laughed and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted at her to stop it. I tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked her to stop it as it was rude. The girl laughed at me and stuck her head under the door again. DD shouted and banged on the door. I asked the girl where her mum was and she stuck her tongue out and put her head back under the door. DD then kicked her in the face. The girl scrambled away, started crying and holding her face. I shouted at DD and asked the girl if she was ok and where was her mum (so I could go and speak to her!) the girl shouted “shut up” at me and ran off. I followed her, out of the changing room, into the main store, followed her until she went up to an adult and started walking over. The woman asked her why she was crying and the girl shouted at her to shut up. I walked over and explained that my DD had kicked her as she kept sticking her head under the door whilst she was getting changed. The woman said “well, now you know not to do that!” ... she apologised to ME and walked off!!!

DD came out of cubicle as if nothing had happened. I said “what were you thinking? You could have seriously hurt her” and DD replied “wish I had”.

She is currently under CAHMs for behavioural problems, suspected aspergers, worrying behaviours. DH thinks I’m over reacting as “even the kids mum wasn’t bothered” but I am! It’s not a normal reacting to being annoyed is it? Kicking them in the face?

OP posts:

WaterSheep · 28/12/2019 14:49

How would you feel if your 6 yr old had annoyed (in a silly way) another child much older and got purposely kicked in the face causing her to cry ?

But this isn't what happened. The OPs daughter didn't kick a child for being annoying. She reacted that way as a last resort because the 6 year old ignored repeated warnings, was rude to her and her mother, and continued to invade the daughters privacy.

I don't condone the OPs daughter's behaviour but she didn't purposely kick the face, it was the only part of the child she could reach. Had the child put her arm under repeatedly to try and grab the daughter, then it would have been the arm that had been kicked.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/12/2019 14:51

@honeybee sorry I'm not defensive of my own opinion, I am reminding you of the mothers own concerns of the response to her own child (who she knows better) kicking another in the face,

yes I have said both kids and parents were in the wrong, it doesn't mean her reaction was right or normal.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/12/2019 14:53

The child's own mother is useless. I wouldn't give any stock to anything she's said. Not that she's said anything.

If you wouldn't give any stock to what she says why comment, it's her narrative of the whole situation ?

I pasted exactly what she said ?

Rachelfromfriends1 · 28/12/2019 14:54

Both mothers were useless in this situation

Emeraldshamrock · 28/12/2019 14:55

she didn't purposely kick the face, it was the only part of the child she could reach
She did. My DD would not react like this same aged not suspected but diagnosed ASD. Okay we've all established the OP should have interfered earlier.
I can't understand why people think it is ever acceptable in this situation to get a kick in the face.
I'm concerned about the 6 yo home life her DM obviously doesn't give a fuck about her behaviour or wellbeing.

PanicAndRun · 28/12/2019 14:56

The comment that’s most chilling is when dc responds to her mums comment that she could seriously have hurt the 6 year old, to which the reply was ‘I wish I had’.

The thing is those of us with some experience of kids with behavioural issues and/or ASD or other SEN understand that demanding remorse and empathy right after an emotionally heightened moment where someone lashed out is pointless.

If you add up being shouted at, being left alone and the fact that her mother was only concerned about the other child ,she was actually set up to fail with that question.

What should've happened was the mother ask her DD if she is ok, check on her emotional state, let her come down from it and then have a chat about what happened, her reaction,possible consequences, what could she have done differently etc.once DD was calm and in a safe space/state. Oh and obviously an apology from the mother for not dealing with it quickly and promptly.

What actually happened had no teaching moment, or at least not a positive , beneficial one.

Honeybee85 · 28/12/2019 14:56

@Bourbonbiccy

Ever heard of the French saying : c’est le ton qui fait la musique?

I suggest you (re)read your own posts on this thread and see how you react on others who disagree with you. And not only how you reacted on my post.

FizzyIce · 28/12/2019 14:56

@lilgreen You’re surprised ? Oh do forgive me...
My dd wouldn’t do anything like that so I wouldn’t be in that position .

MerryChristmasUfilthyanimal · 28/12/2019 15:03

I believe the situation.
I question how somebody clearly quite incompetent on how they would interpret their child's meaning when they clearly have some sort of grudge against her.
OP didn't describe asking her own child if she was OK. She didn't describe how her own child was feeling. How she let her own child down.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/12/2019 15:06

@Honeybee85 I'm not sure wether you mean it not what 'I' say it how 'I' say it or not what the 10 year old said or how they said it.

If you mean me directly, it is what I actually write rather how I write it, as that's open to interpretation.
If it's the 10 year old, her own mother told us.

I don't need to re-read, I am simply challenging some rather far fetched assumptions and ridiculous comparisons being made, if I have offended you, I do apologise.

Honeybee85 · 28/12/2019 15:09

@Bourbonbiccy

I’m not offended, don’t worry .

I just think Mumsnet would be a nicer place if people reacted to others’ posts with a bit more respect for those who have a different opinion then theirs.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/12/2019 15:12

So you do give stock to what the OP says.

Yes I think the OP could have done a lot more (as I repeatedly said) , but I would think she would be better placed to know her child's response than anyone on this thread, hence why would she start it at all.

She didn't describe any of those feeling which is why I didn't attempt to make my own story up about them, I quoted what the OP stated.

Rosebel · 28/12/2019 15:15

Okay the 10 year old made the 6 year old cry but it made her stop when nothing else did. It may not be brilliant but telling her to stop and banging on the door didn't work. The 6year old has no boundaries.
The 10 year old was probably scared and she's got other issues. If my daughter behaved this way and I told her off she'd probably say so what. If I waited until she was calm she'd probably cry and tell me she was scared and couldn't control herself anymore.
A lot of people are judging the 10year old as an adult, she's just a child.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/12/2019 15:15

@Honeybee85 I completely agree and I do normally fly that flag,

Emeraldshamrock · 28/12/2019 15:17

@PanicAndRun I agree with most of your post as a DM with ASD DC though
Tbf is OPs daughter is under suspicion for ASD with help from CAHM's it was a bad decision to take her shopping on the busiest day of the year.
I wouldn't take mine for anything the crowds are horrendous.

Tigger001 · 28/12/2019 15:20

@Aaaarrrggghh I havent insisted on anything. I have given a view point as has everyone else on here.

PanicAndRun · 28/12/2019 15:22

She didn't describe any of those feeling which is why I didn't attempt to make my own story up about them, I quoted what the OP stated.

The thing is the complete lack of care and concern to her DD's wellbeing makes some of us question OP's account and motives.

If I'm entirely honest it reads as if she completely set up her DD to sound vile after not getting any backing from the first mother and her DH, while making herself sound like a gentle,empathetic,patient woman( wet lettuce,ineffective parent).

Honeybee85 · 28/12/2019 15:22

@Bourbonbiccy

I think threads like this just bring up all kinds of emotions in people (which is perfectly normal!) because we all can relate to this kind of events, but we all see it from a different perspective, influenced by our own experiences in life.

I can relate to the DD because of how my DM is, perhaps you’ve been in a situation that makes you more sympathetic towards the other child etc.

I think it’s safe to say that because of the above, people tend to be a bit more ‘passionate’ re this issue (is this the right way to describe it? English isn’t my mother tongue ).

Emeraldshamrock · 28/12/2019 15:26

If I'm entirely honest it reads as if she completely set up her DD to sound vile after not getting any backing from the first mother and her DH, while making herself
If I am honest I thought the OP was embellishing bad behaviour to make the 6 year old horrible, refusing to move, sticking out her tongue, telling OP to shut up.
Perception is amazing.

PanicAndRun · 28/12/2019 15:28

Tbh most of my comments can be summed up as

I basically don't think the 10 yo is as bad as her mother and some posters think she is. I don't think she's a violent bully going round kicking little kids just for shits and giggles.

What happened wasn't ok, but I can see how and why it happened. That doesn't mean it can't be a teaching moment for both mother and child or that work doesn't need to be done to equip the child to deal with other bizarre, unexpected situations like this.

Aaarrgghhh · 28/12/2019 15:31

I don’t. I expect them not to respond with violence unless absolutely necessary. She could simply have covered up.

Covering up doesn’t solve the problem. Are you being deliberately obtuse?

Bourbonbiccy · 28/12/2019 15:33

@Honeybee85 I have sympathy for both children, I think they were both failed.

I was lucky in that I had a fantastic mother who would have dealt with the situation very differently, but she brought us up knowing about our privacy, bodies and all round safety without condoning this sort of behaviour. It's all about balance.

But we all have our own opinions and all the best for 2020

Honeybee85 · 28/12/2019 15:40

@Bourbonbiccy

Thank you!
Best wishes for the New Year to you as well 🌟

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 15:49

Covering up doesn’t solve the problem. Are you being deliberately obtuse?

Of course it solves the problem that everyone is using to legitimise the violence. It doesn’t solve the problem of a six year old being naughty, but I’m sure nobody thinks that’s a reason to kick her in the face?

Aaarrgghhh · 28/12/2019 15:50

If that wasn’t possible then the 10 yr old should have called to her mum or dressed and opened the door

Please please for the love of god learn to fucking read. The ten year old was shouting and banging on the door for the girl to stop and her mother still stood by and did sweet fuck all. Tell me again how calling for her mum would have helped?

Flip

1 2 ··· 29 30 31 32 33 34

Swipe left for the next trending thread