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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse invitation due to dress code?

247 replies

justdoityourself · 27/12/2019 12:00

Been invited to a birthday party with a specific dress code. It’s an old friend and I’d like to go, but the dress code is something that I just haven’t got. I could buy a total new outfit but I wouldn’t be comfortable in it and would never wear it again! Aibu to not go? If I mentioned my reason to them they’d say “oh come and wear what you like” but I’d look totally out of place if I did that.

OP posts:
AllergicToAMop · 27/12/2019 18:26

You should really say what the theme is😂
Now you made hundreds of mumsnetters with themed parties text all their "oddly shaped" friends if they are on MN 😂

Take them and us out of the misery and tell us what the theme isGrin People will be better equipped to help then.

Ilovewheelychairs · 27/12/2019 18:28

I would text your friend and say that you really would like to come but you don't have anything that fits the theme to wear and don't have the money or time to find something. You'd be really sad to miss out so would it be okay if you wore outfit x instead.

If she's a real friend she'll care more about you being there than what you're wearing!

fuzzyduck1 · 27/12/2019 18:34

@Spitsandspots - She was at legoland booked into a pirate room so went with the theme of the room

Umberta · 27/12/2019 18:41

Just want to add to the chorus of people saying fancy dress is a complete waste of time. It's bad for the environment because people buy cheap stuff they only wear once and then throw away. It also takes much longer to plan than the duration of the party itself. Also, the only adults I know who like fancy dress and throw FD parties are people who are shy and awkward at parties and so use the fancy dress to hide behind; I have sympathy for them but I CBA as I'd rather actually chat to people, dance and enjoy the party than constantly adjust my pirate belt/flapper headdress/angel wings. YANBU!

PatsyJStone · 27/12/2019 18:42

Just go. If anyone mentions your lack of appropriate dress just be straight and say you didn’t have anything, am sure the conversations will soon move on to other subjects. You don’t need to apologise or feel bad, you don’t owe anyone anything, except the host who’s invited you and would like to see you there. Stop worrying, and as your name is, just do it!

AuntieMarys · 27/12/2019 18:43

Hate dress codes. That includes weddings.

tenredthings · 27/12/2019 18:55

Can you wear the men's version of the theme ?

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 27/12/2019 19:00

Again, if your friend would be the sort to say "come anyway in whatever you want " then do that- if anyone says anything about you not being in theme, say you didn't think youd be able to make it until the last minute when something else was cancelled and didn't have time to sort an outfit with the theme.

No one will care. I promise you. After the 1st drink and chat with someone, you wont care.

If you like your friend, chances are, itll be a room full of people as lovely as her.

Ragwort · 27/12/2019 20:13

I'd love to hear from someone who throws parties with a 'dress code', why exactly do you do it? I do like entertaining, but I want my guests to be comfortable & wouldn't dream of dictating what they should wear Confused

Dollymixture22 · 27/12/2019 20:31

I have to say I think it is bad manners to to abide by the hostesses request. If she didn’t mind people not complying it would be on the invitation.

You either do what she asks or politely decline the invitation.

Dollymixture22 · 27/12/2019 20:33

Not to abide that should say😊

I do think dress codes are annoying, os I don’t go to parties with them.

I do however abide by the dress codes at weddings.

Hingeandbracket · 27/12/2019 20:38

Can't believe the number of people on here who's turn down a dress code invitation on principle
Imposing compulsory “fun” isn’t fun at all.

cultmaskid · 27/12/2019 20:39

Is it a sari you need

ElluesPichulobu · 27/12/2019 20:47

I was invited to a thing like this a few years ago. proper black tie/ballgowns when I do not wear dresses so I went in a hired (not very well fitting) gentleman's black tie suit from Moss Bros. subvert the theme, find a way to meet the letter but not the spirit of the dress code.

TipsyMalone · 27/12/2019 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Episcomama · 27/12/2019 22:55

find a way to meet the letter but not the spirit of the dress code.

It's t'other way round. Meeting the spirit if not the letter...

londonscalling · 28/12/2019 10:30

We are all different. Generally people may not want to go for various reasons.

I come across as confident but, for instance, would feel incredibly anxious if I had to dress up to go to a fancy dress party.

Also, some people simply don't have the funds to buy a complete outfit that they won't wear again.

Just do what makes yourself feel comfortable.

Cheeseboardcriminal · 28/12/2019 10:35

I am invited to a rocky horror theme party next week. Needless to say I am not wearing fishnets. Just go as you feel comfortable, the host is hardly going to kick you out.

bumblingbovine49 · 28/12/2019 10:48

I have regularly turned up at fancy dress parties not in fancy dress. Usually I am not the only one, sometimes I I have been the odd one but it bothers me not one bit, . My friends all know I don't do fancy dress and never have. It has turned into a bit of a joke over the years but I am still invited to places so assume I am just see as a bit odd.

I feel incredibly self conscious in any sort of fancy dress and ruins the party for me so I refuse to do it. The alternative is not to go but I often enjoy parties and like to see my friends and family so just go dressed as i want to

I tend not to do most dress themes , though simple ones that you can do a nod to (colours, Christmas etc) I am happy to do. Also 'dress to impress' would just see me getting out one of my two 'posh outfits' that I have owned for about 15 years.

I like socialising but loathe all the stuff around dressing up for events so do what suits me

TheSandman · 28/12/2019 17:22

I have regularly turned up at fancy dress parties not in fancy dress.

Which is when to use Wednesday's line from the first Addams Family movie

"This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac - they look just like everyone else."

user1471590586 · 28/12/2019 17:33

I'd love to have a party to go to; haven't had a night out since July. Would love the opportunity to dress up but I rarely get the chance and haven't been to a party in about 6 years. You sound like you don't want to go at all, surely you could put some sort of outfit together. Have a look at pinterest for ideas. Please go and enjoy yourself.

Bexyp45 · 28/12/2019 17:39

Definitely go to a charity shop or borrow something. For a laugh and for comfort, I'd pair a posh frock with fluffy slippers or trainers. You say you want to go, so go. Make a little effort and get in the party spirit. Life is too short to sit something like this out especially if she is a good friend. You will probably enjoy it and wonder why you were worrying x

Atthebottomofthegarden · 28/12/2019 18:00

Ebay is your friend...

DDIJ · 28/12/2019 18:06

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

FaveNumberIs2 · 28/12/2019 18:12

Yabu. Follow the code or don’t go.

Don’t be “that” person.

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