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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On my last nerve AIBU??

206 replies

Extradotcom · 24/12/2019 10:41

Okay so I know i’m not really BU.
MIL has a dog (terrier breed) that me and DH know she doesn’t look after to her full ability. The dog doesn’t get walked, no one has bothered to properly house train it. MIL has told me herself that every morning when she comes downstairs the dog has weed and pooed on her kitchen floor.
Rewind to a week ago, MIL books a holiday abroad over the Christmas period for two weeks (including actual Christmas) but doesn’t make arrangements for the dog, just assumes me and DH will have him. We have a two year old and I’m 20 weeks with our second plus we know the dog is dirty so we said no. MIL INSISTED that he only does one little wee on the floor every now and again if he’s excited but we still said no. MIL then throws a strop saying “well I can’t go on holiday now and I’ve paid for it” and really pressures us into having the dog so eventually we said yes. Less than 12 hours after the dog being here we went out for two hours (dog was let out just as we were leaving) came back and the dog had pooed 5 times on the kitchen floor then trod it all through the house. My DD came back and also trod in it in her new boots while we were trying to clean it up. I have washed them and they’re fine but that’s not the point. He’s pooed on the floor every day he’s been here (6 days).
The last straw is that I’ve come down this morning and he’s ripped my brand new £1200 sofa. It looks like he’s been sat there all night clawing at it and all the threads have come out. I know MIL can’t afford to replace it so I won’t even bother asking. There’s also a very strong smell of wee in my living room.
I just feel like MIL knew her dog was like this and still pushed him onto us and it’s all very selfish as she’s able to go off and enjoy her holiday but I’ve got to spend my Christmas cleaning up dog poo and having my furniture damaged. DH has said he will contact her today and tell her she has to make different arrangements as he still has another 8 days until she’s back. Is there anything else I can do that anyone can suggest? I have tried locking him in the kitchen but we have those push open double doors and he just lets himself out

OP posts:
FenellaVelour · 24/12/2019 12:31

If she can afford to go on holiday for two weeks over Christmas, and to get another dog, she can afford to replace your sofa and put the dogs in kennels.

Poor dog. Now you have him (I would never have taken him, but too late now) you’ll have to do something, I think a crate is your only option unless you want to surrender him to the RSPCA.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 24/12/2019 12:32

She is also getting a new (much bigger breed) dog in the new year so I really feel for that dog too.

So she'll have 2 dogs shitting all over the place? Lovely.

Put your foot down NOW.

Get angry. Tell her she is a shit pet owner and it is actual really cruel letting animals live like this. And that you will NEVER look after her dog again.

TopOftheNaughtyList · 24/12/2019 12:33

If she can afford a holiday, then she can afford to pay you back...installments if necessary... for the sofa and deep house clean

^ This ^

I'd be straight to Argos to get another baby gate to keep the dog contained in the kitchen. Make it clear to MIL that you will never look after the dog again, or any additional dog that she abuses obtains.

SusieOwl4 · 24/12/2019 12:37

Poor dog . I bet it is really stressed and there is no excuse for not training a dog . Please don’t let her get another dog . Try a local Facebook page to see if anyone can lend you a tall safety gate so at least you can contain the dog . When you are there take it outside every 30 mins and praise and treat if it does a pee or poo . But don’t expect miracles as it obviously has not routine and does not know what to do .and I agree if she can afford a holiday she can repay you for the sofa even if it’s on a monthly basis .

SusieOwl4 · 24/12/2019 12:38

Tesco special pet cleaner spray is good as well .

FFSFFSFFS · 24/12/2019 12:42

so I think I’m going to put the dog back and tell her she has to make different arrangements for him

That would be a very very cruel thing to do.

Your MIL is a complete cow who has treated you badly but also this poor dog very badly. The poor dog needs proper care.

Aderyn19 · 24/12/2019 12:43

If she can afford a holiday, she can afford to replace your sofa. I'd be making her come home or I'd give her dog to an animal shelter - she clearly is incapable of looking after it and doesn't give a shit about the impact on anyone else.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 24/12/2019 12:49

Do you have contact details for her, OP. Since you have keys to her house, you could use her phone to call the hotel or wherever she is staying and at least spoil her holiday a bit by letting her know exactly what is happening and that you expect her to pay for the damage (I know she won't, but why should she get to enjoy a nice, shit-free Christmas when she has made sure that you can't?).

MzHz · 24/12/2019 12:50

The biggest idiots in all this was you and your h!

You knew what the dog was like and you allowed her to guilt you into this.

You’ve lost the sofa, claim on insurance or something and make a point of never ever bending on what you know is going to end in disaster

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 24/12/2019 13:00

Poor animal Sad

Photograph your sofa ( you know she'll blame you Oh he doesn't shred at my house it must be something YOU have done and probably say claim on your insurance . Tell her to take out a loan or buy you a new one and have it delivered . Her expense .

( Look at the prices of kennels and see how much it would cost her to cater for her dog over Christmas and New Year . It would be £££)

He might be happier in his own house but only if someone is with him.

Locking him in a secure , cleanable room is the only way (when you aren't actually with him) but I would barf at the thought of a dog shitting in my kitchen.

Newspaper and puppy pads .Lots of walks when you can, tire him out and let him nose around , onlead .

He will have his nose severely put out of joint when The New Big Dog arrives .....if he's still at MILs Sad .

SlothMama · 24/12/2019 13:01

If she's going on holiday and buying a new dog she can afford to replace your sofa.
It is possible to toilet train an adult dog I've done it, it's just about being persistent. Put up a babygate across the kitchen door to minimize damage and mess, and never agree to having her dog again. No matter how much hassle she causes, it's her own mess she's caused.

ThatsMySantaHisBeardIsSoFluffy · 24/12/2019 13:03

You knew the dog was liable to poo everywhere but you gave it free reign of the house? That one is in you. As is agreeing to have the dog to start with.

You're the author of your own misfortune. YABU.

TheLittleBrownFox · 24/12/2019 13:04

I'm feeling really angry that people keep on suggesting RSPCA or Dog's Trust. They are there for GENUINE welfare cases. Animal charities are really fucking struggling and have been for the last decade.

A dog whose owner has gone on holiday for two weeks and left it with somebody who said they'd look after it and is then surprised that as suspected it shits indoors, is not an urgent welfare case.

thenightsky · 24/12/2019 13:05

If you put the dog back into MiL's house, is one of you going to stay with it?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 24/12/2019 13:09

Exactly what was her plan for the dog if you didn't agree ?
Would she have just left him at home with a neighbour popping in?
Or would she have organised kennels ?

If you'd point blank refused I doubt she'd have cancelled her holiday that she'd paid for ?

Tell her that factoring in care for animals is a holiday expense , like taxi to the airport or parking, or travel vaccinations .
I paid my teens ( 17 and 19) Cat Boarding rates to look after our moggies when we went away . Didn't impose on them (but the cats were going nowhere and they all shared the house !)

AlwaysCheddar · 24/12/2019 13:10

Leave it mil house and go back to feed and walk it.

motherheroic · 24/12/2019 13:14

Dogs are trainable at any age, my dog is 5 and I have recently taught him he is not allowed into the kitchen unless invited because he is constantly under my feet in the hopes that the tiniest crumb that might fall to the floor.

That said you shouldn't have to be the one to do it and you should definitely get compensated for the settee. If she has money to get another dog she has money to pay you back.

StrongTea · 24/12/2019 13:18

Poor dog, what is he fed on? That amount of poo isn’t normal.

motherheroic · 24/12/2019 13:23

The best thing you can do is get the dog on a schedule to reduce or possibly eliminate the amount of toileting in the house. And then tell your MIL never again.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 24/12/2019 13:29

I’d be ringing her, letting rip and ruining her precious fucking holiday, telling her she owes me a new sofa, deep clean of carpets and new carpets if that doesn’t work, cheeky cow.

Also make your DH deal with everything dog related. It’s his mothers dog.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 24/12/2019 13:31

Dog to rspca

Panpastels · 24/12/2019 13:36

You can't dump someone else's dog with the rspca!!! There's one that I would really like to steal and drop off otherwise !!
Op your mil is a selfish cf, it's a shame you were bullied into agreeing to this.

SteeperThanHell · 24/12/2019 13:38

@IWentAwayIStayedAway - what an utterly ridiculous suggestion.

JustASmallTownCurl · 24/12/2019 13:41

The RSPCA won't remove a dog in this situation - the threshold for neglect is (unfortunately) very high.

Poor you OP this sounds awful and I feel so, so bad for the dog too.

Can't believe she wants to get another one, how utterly selfish of her 😔

WorraLiberty · 24/12/2019 13:44

To be fair there have been lots of ridiculous suggestions so far.

RSPCA
Dogs Trust
Kennels (like there'll be one free on Xmas Eve, even if the dog's vaccs are up to date)
Crate train it in just 24hrs by watching a Youtube video