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Original poster

Hair length on my son

160 replies

MMadness · 22/12/2019 15:03

I will preface this by saying that every time we go out in public that it gets commented on.

So, my son is 4. He's so secu,re and outgoing. Part of husband's culture involves not cutting hair, male or female, until the child asks.

4 months ago DS started daycare, first time in formal care ever. I wondered if he'd want it cut or if he might get teased.

Nope. I notice though that he points out that he's a boy if he meets or speaks to someone for the first time.

I'm pretty much immune to the double takes and the "Boy? You sure?" Yes. I'm sure.

Today was the worst. I went to a supermarket late this afternoon as I'd forgotten to buy milk.

DS was bathed, hair washed and loose, blue dinosaur PJs on.Standing in the express lane behind us was a lady in her 60s. She touched me on the shoulder and our conversation went like this;

Her "I just had to tell you how wonderful it is to see a little girl in typical boy PJs, I haven't seen that in years"

Me "Oh, haha. You still haven't, he's a boy"

Her "why would you have a BOY grow his hair like that, how ridiculous "

Me - vague smile and turned back towards the counter.

My son - "I'm a boy hey mum?"

Me - "Yeah baby"

Her to my son "Don't you want to look like a proper little boy? You should have hair cut"

My son - "No thank you, I like my air"

Her - "Well, you're a very silly little boy"

Me 😡 "Excuse me? Do not speak to my child like that. Not that it's ANY of your business, but as part of his father's ethnicity hair is not cut until they asked, so mind your manners yeah?"

Her - " Boys should not have hair....."

Me - "But, according to you 3 minutes ago, it was fabulous to see a girl in boys pjs"

Her - "Yes, and?"

Me - "Can you not see your hypocrisy? Save your ignorant opinions and judgemental views for someone else."

I'm still raging mad. I managed not to swear at her.

We teach our kids everyday to be kind and respectful to everyone. And this type of shit happens.

I know I shouldn't take it to heart. But sometimes it annoys the absolute fuck out of me.

I'll calm down easily. I just need better ways of addressing it better going forward.

Hair length on my son
OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 22/12/2019 15:09

Wow that's amazing!
If he likes it he likes it. Don't let other people's opinions bother you.

4amWitchingHour · 22/12/2019 15:13

What an utter twunt she was. Kudos to you for raising such a secure happy kid!!

Bigearringsbigsmile · 22/12/2019 15:13

What culture is that? Sounds interesting! What's the thought behind it?

LucaFritz · 22/12/2019 15:16

There's people like her everywhere OP including on MN nutters the lot of them also the same people who will tell you boys wear blue and girls pink etc Hmm perfectly normal for boys and men to have whatever length hair they want and your son has nicer hair than most women so she was probably jealous once she realised he was a boy Wink but if someone called my DS a silly little boy for having long hair i think id swing for them so good on you for not hitting her what a vile woman

MyMajesty · 22/12/2019 15:18

Your son absolutely should look however he wants to.
How about -
It's part of my son's ethnic heritage that he has long hair if he wants to.
I hope you are not being racist?

GrumpyHoonMain · 22/12/2019 15:18

I think as you are following DH’s culture for your son, you should probably also follow it in terms of how his hair is dressed too. How do boys from your DH’s culture dress their hair? Sikh boys, for example, will usually tie it up into a topknot; while a lot of Hindu boys who need to keep hair uncut until 4 or 5 will fasten it back with a ponytail. Long, loose hair, on a young child (male or female) is a hazard.

TheMustressMhor · 22/12/2019 15:18

I was wondering why you took him shopping wearing pyjamas?

isabellerossignol · 22/12/2019 15:18

She was being a dickhead right enough, but honestly, raging mad? Only just managing not to swear? And the reply from saying that they'd want to swing for her?

How do you get through life when such trivial stuff works you into such a rage? Just tell her it's none of her business and move on.

WeeSassenach · 22/12/2019 15:20

Wow his hair is beautiful!! She's ignorant and ridiculous.

My 3 year old son has reasonably long hair for a boy and he is mistaken for a girl almost daily. It doesn't bother us at all but we too have had the "are you sure?" when we've said that he's a boy. If or when he wants it cut short we will of course let him but he loves having long hair and we really don't care about comments off strangers!!

ManiacalLapwing · 22/12/2019 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SugarThreat · 22/12/2019 15:24

His hair is gorgeous! Can't believe that woman was so rude.

MrsEnglishh · 22/12/2019 15:24

I was wondering why you took him shopping wearing pyjamas

That's what you took from this? How embarrassing for you.

OP, you were far more restrained than I would have been. Well done. She was clearly a twat.

dognamedspot · 22/12/2019 15:25

Wow, unbelievable! Fancy someone thinking that is acceptable conversation with a stranger.

DJA1511 · 22/12/2019 15:26

Wow. I can’t believe there is people in the world this rude. Well done for standing your ground though. If it was me I’d probably cease up and not react.

My son used to have long hair. Not this long but still long and I used to get comments but does it really matter?

I do think it’s becoming more ‘acceptable’ for boys to have long hair but you still have judgmental assholes around.

If he’s happy, your happy. It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks.

Ps. Beautiful hair!

PurpleTigerLove · 22/12/2019 15:27

I’m interested in what culture your husband is from . Your sons hair is lovely btw . Personally wouldn’t have such long hair on my son but I wouldn’t comment on yours .

AliciaMayEmory · 22/12/2019 15:30

Your DS has amazing hair. It’s awful that rude strangers feel it is ok to make such comments. My DS is 10 and has long hair. He is always being mistaken for a girl. The look he is going for is surfer dude/skater boy and he wears all the clothes associated with that and is usually carrying a skate board. Kids at school ask if he has long hair because he has a sister (?) and tell him he looks like a girl. He loves his hair, though and is totally his choice to have it long. I wouldn’t stop my DD from cutting hers short, so why would I stop him from having his longer?

The lady was so rude and is, unfortunately in my experience, still in the old mid set of what a boy should look like. There is a certain person at my DDs swim club that always tells DS (in a faux jokey way, of course Xmas Hmm) to get his hair cut. Every week. It’s tiresome. I don’t know what the answer is as people can be so stubborn in their ideas. I’m hoping someone comes on to comment with some good comebacks!

GooeyLooey · 22/12/2019 15:34

Beautiful hair, looks exactly like my DD's, who has never worn pink or a dress as she hates them, and are totally unpractical for a climber like her. She's had so many comments in her 8 years about why she isn't in pretty pink dresses it's unreal. She prefers jeans and red.

If your son is happy go with it.

I'm also curious about which culture though, never heard of that before.

SoulsStars · 22/12/2019 15:34

My son - "No thank you, I like my air"

This is wonderful to see, that he has that inner strength and confidence at such a young age. Consider though the impact of his peers saying this to him, multiple times a day. This is the perfect time to start/continue to teach your son about societal pressure and peer pressure. Cultural expectation and identity too. Age appropriate of course.

QueenOfTheFae · 22/12/2019 15:34

My DS (15) has long hair, and is still mistaken for a girl, its ok. Its not an insult

Echobelly · 22/12/2019 15:39

What an idiotic, hypocritical woman! You did quite well not decking her. And well done for instilling confidence in your son about what he likes.

DD (11) has had cropped short hair since age 11 and still occasionally gets disbelieved when she tells people she is a girl. She doesn't even look like a boy, unlike me at that age, who also had short hair and really did look like one, but no one challenged me once I told them I was a girl back then! People have got so hooked into gender stereotypes since I was a kid that the literally cannot believe any child doesn't conform to them .

Nat6999 · 22/12/2019 15:39

My 15 year old ds has his hair below his shoulders, it is his choice. Much as I don't like it I haven't tried to force him to get it cut, I've just said that the money for a haircut is waiting when he chooses to have it cut.

Patsypie · 22/12/2019 15:40

Sod other people! His hair is healthy and shiny. Some people are right miseries!

Kungfupanda67 · 22/12/2019 15:45

It’s because it’s good for a girl to want to be like a boy, but embarrassing for a boy to want to be ‘girly’ 🙄 same reason it’s perfectly fine that my daughter will play rugby, but if I said my son was doing ballet I’d have raised eyebrows.

I also wondered why you took him shopping in pyjamas though 🙈

anxioussue · 22/12/2019 15:47

Interested in the culture too. As for the woman, ignore her, she's awful and inappropriate