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Original poster

Hair length on my son

160 replies

MMadness · 22/12/2019 15:03

I will preface this by saying that every time we go out in public that it gets commented on.

So, my son is 4. He's so secu,re and outgoing. Part of husband's culture involves not cutting hair, male or female, until the child asks.

4 months ago DS started daycare, first time in formal care ever. I wondered if he'd want it cut or if he might get teased.

Nope. I notice though that he points out that he's a boy if he meets or speaks to someone for the first time.

I'm pretty much immune to the double takes and the "Boy? You sure?" Yes. I'm sure.

Today was the worst. I went to a supermarket late this afternoon as I'd forgotten to buy milk.

DS was bathed, hair washed and loose, blue dinosaur PJs on.Standing in the express lane behind us was a lady in her 60s. She touched me on the shoulder and our conversation went like this;

Her "I just had to tell you how wonderful it is to see a little girl in typical boy PJs, I haven't seen that in years"

Me "Oh, haha. You still haven't, he's a boy"

Her "why would you have a BOY grow his hair like that, how ridiculous "

Me - vague smile and turned back towards the counter.

My son - "I'm a boy hey mum?"

Me - "Yeah baby"

Her to my son "Don't you want to look like a proper little boy? You should have hair cut"

My son - "No thank you, I like my air"

Her - "Well, you're a very silly little boy"

Me 😡 "Excuse me? Do not speak to my child like that. Not that it's ANY of your business, but as part of his father's ethnicity hair is not cut until they asked, so mind your manners yeah?"

Her - " Boys should not have hair....."

Me - "But, according to you 3 minutes ago, it was fabulous to see a girl in boys pjs"

Her - "Yes, and?"

Me - "Can you not see your hypocrisy? Save your ignorant opinions and judgemental views for someone else."

I'm still raging mad. I managed not to swear at her.

We teach our kids everyday to be kind and respectful to everyone. And this type of shit happens.

I know I shouldn't take it to heart. But sometimes it annoys the absolute fuck out of me.

I'll calm down easily. I just need better ways of addressing it better going forward.

Hair length on my son
OP posts:
Drizzzle · 22/12/2019 21:08

I wonder if that lady had long hair OP? Or did she have short hair, like most older women do. I've had short haired ladies tell my long haired son that he looks like a girl. Not sure why they can't see it goes both ways.

katseyes7 · 22/12/2019 21:10

His hair is beautiful. My OH has long(ish) hair, both my stepsons have long hair. One is shoulder length like his dad's, the other is a Goth and has hair nearly to his waist. Both are very well educated and have very good jobs. l don't think it's held them back.
Besides anything else, why is it any of her business? She has no right to tell people what to do with their own, or their children's hair. "Boys should not have hair." Seriously? l wouldn't even have engaged with her past that. lgnore her. She's an judgemental idiot.

CoolCarrie · 22/12/2019 21:15

Beautiful hair, and when and if he does have it cut either keep it or give to the people who make wigs for children who have lost their hair. Ignore any nasty comments, your son sounds great.

CoolCarrie · 22/12/2019 21:17

An ex of mine had hair that length and it was stunning, when he finally had it cut he donated it, he was 28 though, but it was in great condition.

underneaththeash · 22/12/2019 21:28

It's not to my taste at all. I presume you're in the US and I suppose it depends on how liberal the area you live in is.

He would be teased where I live and the other parents would think you're a bit nuts. They'd also make you tie it back and at my son's school you can't have hair longer than the collar anyway.

CherryPlum · 22/12/2019 21:43

Personally I think it looks horrible, but he's not my son, he's yours. If you love his hair long like that and if he's happy with it why care what anyone else thinks. She was very rude, but I wouldn't let it get to me.

We3kingsoforientareandabump · 22/12/2019 21:56

@underneaththeash

What makes you think it's the US

I live in the North East of England and at least 2 boys in every class in sons primary school have long hair as do dc we see in the street, friends children, children at baby groups etc.

Can't believe for a minute you never see boys with long hair where you live

Andysbestadventure · 22/12/2019 22:00

Long hair on lads is the norm in Liverpool right now (even teenagers) so currently here no one would even bat an eye.

KC225 · 22/12/2019 22:09

Is that really word for word the conversation you had. Come on OP? To go from a compliment to calling someone a hypocrite, judgemental and ignorant seems a bit far fetched.

You say she way in her 60s say at 65, she would have been born 54 so a teenager in the late 60s early 70s. Young all through flower power, hippies and glam rock. Even if she didn't join in it she would be familiar with long hair.

My 12 year old wears his hair long and refuses to cut it - he has only ever had compliments from older people, as in 'wish mine was like that' 'lovely hair'.

CharityConundrum · 22/12/2019 22:25

Practically speaking - such a pain in the arse for a child that young to have such long hair. For all concerned!

In what way?

AwakeAmbs · 22/12/2019 22:28

“I was wondering why you took him shopping wearing pyjamas?”

Why not? Does it really matter?! A child in pyjamas is comfortable and hardly affects anyone does it.

Amazing hair by the way. Love it.

MerchantOfVenom · 22/12/2019 22:32

It's pretty unusual for Māori boys to wear their hair long, let alone that long, here in NZ.

I wonder if it's a practice specific to the DH's iwi - because it's certainly not a widespread thing - but you are no more or less likely to see Māori boys with long hair here, than Pākeha (white) boys.

But maybe if you're in the UK, he is doing that thing when you live overseas of going hard-out on your own cultural traditions, that you wouldn't necessarily practice if you were living at home...

k1233 · 22/12/2019 22:45

Major hair envy here. My mum would never let me have long hair as a kid. Always had to be a hideous short bob. I hate short hair!

SerenDippitty · 22/12/2019 23:00

I do think it’s becoming more ‘acceptable’ for boys to have long hair but you still have judgmental assholes around.

It seems to be becoming less acceptable for girls and women to wear their hair short.

AliTheMinx · 22/12/2019 23:08

I definitely wouldn't allow

AliTheMinx · 22/12/2019 23:09

Oops! I definitely wouldn't allow my son to have hair that long, but he is your son and you are right to respect your husband's ethnicity. The lady was very rude. She should not have commented at all.

MrsEnglishh · 22/12/2019 23:24

Wouldn't allow

Nice to see parents giving their children autonomy over their own bodies. Gross.

Thesearmsofmine · 22/12/2019 23:31

Just forget about it O

My eldest(9) has long hair and we are well used to him being mistaken for a girl and weird comments people make. My dc can have their hair however they like, I let them choose, as long as it’s looked after I don’t see why anyone else would pass comment.

Original poster
MMadness · 23/12/2019 00:17

We're in Australia. My husband is very proud of his heritage. The whole family is. He's raising our son to speak Te Reo and he speaks of his whakapaka to him. He's fiercely proud of his bloodline.

We're planning on moving there next month so he can grow up surrounded by family and learn more of himself.

I'm never insulted people think he's a girl. I get why. If you saw his eyelashes as well, I have hair and last envy.

He's who he is because he's been raised and loved by so many people that he has a great sense of self. He's loads of friends at school/daycare and they run and get his stuff for him as soon as I arrive. Because he's so kind and gentle they all want to be his bestie. Lol.

He's currently in a private school and whilst there are restrictions on hair length, the school recognises our reasons and it's always tied up and neat.

Its rarely free flowing unless we are at home. The day will come when he chooses to lop it all off, I'll definitely be sad but excited I dont have to deal with the maintenance of it.

OP posts:
Grumpelstilskin · 23/12/2019 00:29

Long, bit straggly hair like that is not my cup of tea on either boy or girl but hey, each to their own and no one else's business. If my DH was from a culture that had such hair traditions, I'd expect him to groom and look after the hair while the child is younger and then expect my DS to do it himself.

laudete · 23/12/2019 00:51

Your son's hair looks beautiful - I love the curls!

If he ever wants to have 7 or more inches trimmed off, you could consider donating some of it to the Little Princess Trust - if that is compatible with your family's customs.

NotYourHun · 23/12/2019 01:14

My brother had beautiful long hair until he was 13 or 14 (the texture changed with puberty and his beautiful ringlets became a massive bush). I love seeing boys with long hair if that’s what they want! DS won’t have a haircut until he wants one either.

Woman sounds batshit.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/12/2019 01:25

My DS has long hair, too (he is 15). We meet conformist fuckwits occasionally, but we just smirk at them. My mother doesn't like him having long hair, but she has been very firmly told that her opinions are irrelevant and we don't need to hear them. It's his hair and his choice whether or not to have it cut.
And when he went to secondary school, the uniform rule book did state that boys should have their hair cut. We ignored it. I was waiting to see if they would raise it with us, in which case they would have been... made very sorry. Because you cannot legally insist that boys have short hair. (Anyone else with a long-haired DS who gets shit from school, just point out to them, with a nice smile, that they have no right to demand he cuts his hair and do they really want a court case for sex discrimination?) They would have learned this. Grin DS and I agree that he ties his hair back when necessary, but it is absolutely no one else's business how long it is.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/12/2019 01:28

Also for other people who have a long-haired DS there is this t-shirt or many variations upon the same theme...

MyKingdomForBrie · 23/12/2019 01:34

bit straggly wow, bitchy much?!

Looks in great condition to me. I'm in awe of you maintaining it though my dds is less than half that length and straight and already a pain! He sounds utterly lovely, the woman was a complete and utter idiot.