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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hair length on my son

160 replies

MMadness · 22/12/2019 15:03

I will preface this by saying that every time we go out in public that it gets commented on.

So, my son is 4. He's so secu,re and outgoing. Part of husband's culture involves not cutting hair, male or female, until the child asks.

4 months ago DS started daycare, first time in formal care ever. I wondered if he'd want it cut or if he might get teased.

Nope. I notice though that he points out that he's a boy if he meets or speaks to someone for the first time.

I'm pretty much immune to the double takes and the "Boy? You sure?" Yes. I'm sure.

Today was the worst. I went to a supermarket late this afternoon as I'd forgotten to buy milk.

DS was bathed, hair washed and loose, blue dinosaur PJs on.Standing in the express lane behind us was a lady in her 60s. She touched me on the shoulder and our conversation went like this;

Her "I just had to tell you how wonderful it is to see a little girl in typical boy PJs, I haven't seen that in years"

Me "Oh, haha. You still haven't, he's a boy"

Her "why would you have a BOY grow his hair like that, how ridiculous "

Me - vague smile and turned back towards the counter.

My son - "I'm a boy hey mum?"

Me - "Yeah baby"

Her to my son "Don't you want to look like a proper little boy? You should have hair cut"

My son - "No thank you, I like my air"

Her - "Well, you're a very silly little boy"

Me 😡 "Excuse me? Do not speak to my child like that. Not that it's ANY of your business, but as part of his father's ethnicity hair is not cut until they asked, so mind your manners yeah?"

Her - " Boys should not have hair....."

Me - "But, according to you 3 minutes ago, it was fabulous to see a girl in boys pjs"

Her - "Yes, and?"

Me - "Can you not see your hypocrisy? Save your ignorant opinions and judgemental views for someone else."

I'm still raging mad. I managed not to swear at her.

We teach our kids everyday to be kind and respectful to everyone. And this type of shit happens.

I know I shouldn't take it to heart. But sometimes it annoys the absolute fuck out of me.

I'll calm down easily. I just need better ways of addressing it better going forward.

Hair length on my son
OP posts:
Original poster
MMadness · 23/12/2019 01:45

Yeah. It's in no way wispy or horrid. Always tied up and plaited for school. It's washed regularly and I run a conditioning treatment through once a week.

Yesterday I blow dried it straight just to see how long it actually was. He's massively patient when it comes to his hair and having it done.

Obviously he is too small to care for it, so we do. My husband works FIFO so on his week home, he does his share of hair care.

Hair length on my son
Hair length on my son
OP posts:
Original poster
MMadness · 23/12/2019 01:49

He definitely got my hair and skin tone Smile When he meets extended family for the first time they all ask who " that little white kid " belongs too. Lol. He's definitely the fairest in that side of the family.

OP posts:
mediumbrownmug · 23/12/2019 02:02

Wow, OP, his hair is beautiful! That woman’s comments were Hmm. I mean, not only was she rude and ignorant in her gender stereotypes, but it’s HAIR. It’s technically dead anyway, and grows constantly. Why on earth would she care enough about hair to confront a stranger and a child, ffs???? Confused

missnevermind · 23/12/2019 02:02

My 19yo Boy has waist length blonde hair.
Last summer my neighbour took me to one side to inform me that my older son was sneaking his girlfriend in when I wasn't home😁
She just would not have it that was my younger son how could it be with all that beautiful hair

JolieOBrien · 23/12/2019 02:12

My son had long hair when he was 18 years of age he used to wear it in a pony tail he is now 27 and has a peaky blinder. To be honest I hated both hairstyles but he liked his hair. If your son is happy with his long hair and it isn't too much trouble for you to look after I would take no notice of other peoples comments. When I was small child I had thick curly hair and my mother kept it short because I would not let her comb it or put hair bands in it etc. I looked a bit like Shirley Temple then and quite cute .... I am not so cute now lol

Hair length on my son
AmurderIsAnnounced · 23/12/2019 02:16

His hair is gorgeous 😍
What a rude woman 😠

sayingno · 23/12/2019 06:14

I have massive hair envy! op, screw them all and do what makes you and DS Happy.

bluesteakandcheese · 23/12/2019 07:23

@MMadness it baffles me how bloody rude some people can be. People have a right to their own opinion but there's a time and a place to express it. They should know better than to openly comment about a child. Idiots.
You sound a wonderful mother and your little lad sounds happy and content and secure in himself which is incredible- I'm nearly 30 and STILL not as confident as him!
Ignore the silly shallow comments and continue letting your lad rock this amazing hair Smile

mclover · 23/12/2019 07:53

I would just say his father is Maori and it's an important part of their culture not to cut their hair. Keep it simple and factual. Most people wouldn't know that, it's interesting and turns it away from a confrontation. Sounds like you wanted a fight. Education enlightens people, not fighting with them.

Dowser · 23/12/2019 08:01

My grandson had gorgeous blonde hair till he was about 8
His dad took him for a trim and got his done at the same time.when he came back my poor grandsons hair had been cropped really short to about nape of neck length
He never let it grow long after that..keeps it to about chin length now
His younger brother has always had a boys cut by comparison

Dowser · 23/12/2019 08:02

Oh and often was mistaken for a girl.. he was just gorgeous though..still is

FizzyIce · 23/12/2019 08:24

His hair and his love of it ,is beautiful.
That woman and others like her need a short ,sharp upper cut .
I admire your resolve

NoSauce · 23/12/2019 08:39

You did well to remember that conversation word for word.

NoSauce · 23/12/2019 08:41

I live in the North East of England and at least 2 boys in every class in sons primary school have long hair as do dc we see in the street, friends children, children at baby groups etc

Rubbish.

PumpkinPiloter · 23/12/2019 10:50

Your boy's hair is beautiful! This sounds like the perfect opportunity for a teaching moment about how some people can be judgemental.

FranticToddlerMum · 23/12/2019 10:57

It looks in much better condition than my hair! I imagine in a few years he'll be sick of having to have it brushed and will succumb to peer pressure (although you never know) but for now he likes it and it looks great good for him.

We3kingsoforientareandabump · 23/12/2019 11:04

@nosauce

No not rubbish at all.

NoSauce · 23/12/2019 11:14

We3kingsoforientareandabump I find it hard to believe that out of every class there’s at least two boys with hair this long.

Or are you meaning past the collar? Which isn’t the same.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 23/12/2019 11:14

His hair is gorgeous. Stunning Smile

And everyone else can mind their own fucking business. I have some empathy with your son. I'm a woman who shaves her head on zero grade clippers, simply because I like it. I get the odd negative comment but, the truth is, I get a shed load more positive comments as I'm sure your son does too Smile

Mummyshark2019 · 23/12/2019 11:16

Yanbu op. Your son has the right to have his hair how he wants. And beautiful hair at that. Some people are so rude!

FucksBizz · 23/12/2019 11:21

Gorgeous hair. Looks like my husband’s! Just ignore them.

Mordred · 23/12/2019 11:37

DS has had long hair for pretty much all his childhood. He's often been mistaken for a girl but it doesn't bother him in the slightest. He's 13 now and is still proud of his long hair, which is half way down his back.

ClaireDendie · 23/12/2019 12:09

Don't most little kids regardless of gender have typically long hair with a chock of curls? My DS had long hair, and my DH has photos when he was 4 with massive locks aswell.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/12/2019 12:43

We live in south London, and there are quite a few boys with long or long-ish hair around. Partly because I grew up in the 70s and have (somehow) passed my music tastes onto DS, long hair to us means 'rock star' rather than anything else... (Though I think an aspect of it with DS is that he has HFA and dislikes the whole business of hair cutting for sensory reasons.)

BarbaraStrozzi · 23/12/2019 12:50

Totally gorgeous hair.

My son chose to have long hair aged 6-7. It was adults continually making unpleasant remarks that eventually pushed him into getting it cut Sad.