Hair length on my son

[MMadness]

I will preface this by saying that every time we go out in public that it gets commented on.

So, my son is 4. He's so secu,re and outgoing. Part of husband's culture involves not cutting hair, male or female, until the child asks.

4 months ago DS started daycare, first time in formal care ever. I wondered if he'd want it cut or if he might get teased.

Nope. I notice though that he points out that he's a boy if he meets or speaks to someone for the first time.

I'm pretty much immune to the double takes and the "Boy? You sure?" Yes. I'm sure.

Today was the worst. I went to a supermarket late this afternoon as I'd forgotten to buy milk.

DS was bathed, hair washed and loose, blue dinosaur PJs on.Standing in the express lane behind us was a lady in her 60s. She touched me on the shoulder and our conversation went like this;

Her "I just had to tell you how wonderful it is to see a little girl in typical boy PJs, I haven't seen that in years"

Me "Oh, haha. You still haven't, he's a boy"

Her "why would you have a BOY grow his hair like that, how ridiculous "

Me - vague smile and turned back towards the counter.

My son - "I'm a boy hey mum?"

Me - "Yeah baby"

Her to my son "Don't you want to look like a proper little boy? You should have hair cut"

My son - "No thank you, I like my air"

Her - "Well, you're a very silly little boy"

Me 😡 "Excuse me? Do not speak to my child like that. Not that it's ANY of your business, but as part of his father's ethnicity hair is not cut until they asked, so mind your manners yeah?"

Her - " Boys should not have hair....."

Me - "But, according to you 3 minutes ago, it was fabulous to see a girl in boys pjs"

Her - "Yes, and?"

Me - "Can you not see your hypocrisy? Save your ignorant opinions and judgemental views for someone else."

I'm still raging mad. I managed not to swear at her.

We teach our kids everyday to be kind and respectful to everyone. And this type of shit happens.

I know I shouldn't take it to heart. But sometimes it annoys the absolute fuck out of me.

I'll calm down easily. I just need better ways of addressing it better going forward.

such a pain in the arse for a child that young to have such long hair.

My DGD has long hair that constantly comes out of its clips and dangles in her face.
She insists she doesn't mind that and she definitely doesn't want it cut.
I am but clearly it's not a pita for her.

Major hair envy here! Ignore the ignorant. My three year old boy went out today to the shops wearing his sisters Cinderella dress which she has outgrown over his batman onesie and a fairy wand. I couldn't help but smirk at the looks he got. If and when he does decide to cut his hair, may I suggest looking at the Little Princess Trust as they make real hair wigs for children who have lost their hair.

Wow look how long it is! That's amazing for a 4 year old (my two didn't grow hair until 2+)!
You are an amazing mum. Well done on your replies, the response was absolutely spot on, that is the most admirable thing I've read for a long while!
💐👏🏻

My son is in year 11 and has hair just slightly shorter than your son, very similar hair actually... Anyway I hate to say it but the comments don't stop. Even my friends often ask when I'm going to cut his hair! As if (a) I'm capable and (b) I'm going to make a 16 year old cut his hair because they don't like it! My sons friend's are also constantly suggesting he gets it cut. He says it doesn't bother him anymore and he's so used to being mistaken for a girl he doesn't even correct people any more! I try and rise above it since he does.

My own reaction is one of total jealousy.

How fast must his hair grow

Are you in the UK, OP?

Or in NZ?

What gorgeous hair he has!

Lovely hair. My son would love to have long hair (prefers the look and feel of it and hates hair cuts). But for secondary school boys have to have short hair off their collar. Madness.

I cannot fathom why people thing boys have to have short hair.

Oh my word that hair is stunning! I’d kill for hair like that 💙

I feel your pain a little OP. My DS is 2 and when we took him for his first haircut it was a nightmare so decided I wouldn't get it cut again until he was old enough to ask and sit still, his hair is just growing past his eyes and my DM comments about it all the time, she has even tried to guilt me saying I am damaging his eye sight. Tbf to her she was the same when my DD was little, obsessed with her fringe, but with my DD I could appease her with either telling her that if we want her hair long we have to get through this phase or by putting a hair slide in. With my DS I that doesn't work because she doesnt want him to have long hair and wont let me put a slide in because he is a boy. I should probably add that my DH has long hair, his hair is actually longer than mine.
You handled that woman amazingly, she should have just minded her own business.

Very lovely hair. I understand why people might think he's a girl but the woman was out of order and well done OP for being so civilised.

Hair goals 😍

My nearly 7 year old grandson has nearly waist length hair, he also wears dresses when he wants and he dresses like a boy when he wants to. He has plenty of friends as he's just a lovely person.

Omg his hair is amazing!

Honestly he's probably used to it by now.

Your answer was fine and probably more polite than I would have been.

My eldest has longish hair because that's how he likes his hair and the amount of people that comment on it is infuriating. But he's used to just telling them all that he'll have his hair how he likes it thank you.

Can't believe the hypocrisy after she'd commented on the pj's though 🙄

It's nice to see so many people defending your son's choice to have long hair, one previous thread claimed it was chavvy and a more recent one said no children should have long hair, going as far to say it's because it would look terrible .

His hair is beautiful and like you said when he wants to have it cut he can. I would have mistook him for a girl from the back too but telling him he is silly for having long hair is out of order. You did well to protect your boy. So sad that people would project their own daft views on a little child that isn't even their own! You were definitely not unreasonable and did well to show such restraint x

Society is very gender stereotyped. It is more acceptable for a girl to look boyish than a boy to look girlish. Shouldn't be so.

What is girlish and boyish anyway other than society's expectations? Evidenced by different expectations from your son's and husband's culture.

He needs a haircut

I would’ve smacked the bitch for telling off my son like that

@Shooturlocalmethdealer Did you mean to be so rude?

@Shooturlocalmethdealer why?

As someone else said, it’s not offensive to be mistaken for a girl. There’s no need for anyone to feel insulted by that. I can see it would be frustrating to constantly have to correct people but please don’t see it as offensive.

As someone else said, it’s not offensive to be mistaken for a girl. There’s no need for anyone to feel insulted by that. I can see it would be frustrating to constantly have to correct people but please don’t see it as offensive

Did you read the OP? Which part of the woman insulting the child and his mother made you think it was merely being mistaken for a girl the caused the upset?

I think it’s really fantastic that you are raising your son with the option of embracing the elements of his enthusiasm heritage that he likes, especially because his father’s ethnicity is so small and has been so badly mistreated (I come from a similar background in that sense I think that the option to participate in the face of social pressure is very important). I also think it’s fantastic that you’ve managed to raise a child who is so self confident and assertive, your reaction was an effort to preserve his freeness and not at all an over reaction.