Hair length on my son

[MMadness]

I will preface this by saying that every time we go out in public that it gets commented on.

So, my son is 4. He's so secu,re and outgoing. Part of husband's culture involves not cutting hair, male or female, until the child asks.

4 months ago DS started daycare, first time in formal care ever. I wondered if he'd want it cut or if he might get teased.

Nope. I notice though that he points out that he's a boy if he meets or speaks to someone for the first time.

I'm pretty much immune to the double takes and the "Boy? You sure?" Yes. I'm sure.

Today was the worst. I went to a supermarket late this afternoon as I'd forgotten to buy milk.

DS was bathed, hair washed and loose, blue dinosaur PJs on.Standing in the express lane behind us was a lady in her 60s. She touched me on the shoulder and our conversation went like this;

Her "I just had to tell you how wonderful it is to see a little girl in typical boy PJs, I haven't seen that in years"

Me "Oh, haha. You still haven't, he's a boy"

Her "why would you have a BOY grow his hair like that, how ridiculous "

Me - vague smile and turned back towards the counter.

My son - "I'm a boy hey mum?"

Me - "Yeah baby"

Her to my son "Don't you want to look like a proper little boy? You should have hair cut"

My son - "No thank you, I like my air"

Her - "Well, you're a very silly little boy"

Me 😡 "Excuse me? Do not speak to my child like that. Not that it's ANY of your business, but as part of his father's ethnicity hair is not cut until they asked, so mind your manners yeah?"

Her - " Boys should not have hair....."

Me - "But, according to you 3 minutes ago, it was fabulous to see a girl in boys pjs"

Her - "Yes, and?"

Me - "Can you not see your hypocrisy? Save your ignorant opinions and judgemental views for someone else."

I'm still raging mad. I managed not to swear at her.

We teach our kids everyday to be kind and respectful to everyone. And this type of shit happens.

I know I shouldn't take it to heart. But sometimes it annoys the absolute fuck out of me.

I'll calm down easily. I just need better ways of addressing it better going forward.

Some hilarious responses-

That you took him shopping in PJ’s?! So what?!

That long hair IS a PITA for all concerned. Maybe for some but how on Earth can anyone justify someone else’s experiences?

That long loose hair on any child is a hazard. what for all the machinery they’re working with??

His hair is gorgeous OP some people need to MTOFB!!

@NoSauce sorry no I meant long as in shoulder length or a bit longer.

At DS's 300/400 student school, there's only two boys with longish hair that I've spotted, including my son.

He's had some rather nasty comments from a kid in his class, however his teacher (who is fab) sorted it.

One thing that he's told me though is that none of the girls are bothered, he's only had comments from boys (not all of them mean though).

His hair is beautiful. Much prefer it to the hair seen on some boys which looks like hitler youth hair, all shaved undercuts with stupid fringes and track lines.

What an amazing head of hair!

I dislike long hair on young boys, BUT that's my opinion and probably born from years of gender stereotyping and I would never dream of telling someone that I didn't like their child's hair because it's none of my business!!! I simply wouldn't comment!!!

Your son's hair is gorgeous.

My son has a mass of beautiful curls

Often gets mistaken for a girl - he doesn’t care he loves his hair when it’s wet it’s down past his shoulders, I’ve asked him if he wants it cut he says no 🤷‍♀️ I don’t care either way

Op - your sons hair is beautiful, ignore the ignorant idiot (ps I’ve taken mine shopping in their pj’s I honestly don’t Care what other people think of that)

Don't hesitate, lady, your son shines! Negativity about his best feature can be missed. Compliment him on his looks and attitude. Cool parent.

Your son has beautiful hair.

“Conformist fuckwits”?? Aren’t you a charmer?

His hair is gorgeous but the double standards on MN are astounding, any little girl with hair longer than a bob that she can’t brush and style herself is supposed to have it cut and not grow it until she can manage it herself. On a little boy it’s ‘amazing’?

On dear, against my better judgement I found myself raising a judgy eyebrow re pyjamas and being out!

His hair is totally awesome.

She's a stupid old crow.

Why does your husbands culture trump yours?

You need to understand that people from older generations won’t have your mindset regarding boys with long flowing hair ( gorgeous though it is.)
As to wearing PJs in a supermarket , well I’m more than happy to be moaned at , for saying that it’s a bit silly. PJs are for the home.

@ReanimatedSGB - I'm sooo buying that for my son!

MMadness - I can totally relate, I would have been fuming too.
My 7 year old had his first hair cut about 4 months ago. It's down to his shoulder plates now, but it used to be down to his bum (when wet) and had amazing curls just like your son's, absolutely gorgeous and everyone would get hair envy, just like PP in this thread.

Like your son, mine also has long lashes and is very 'pretty' so 99% of the times he gets mistaken for a girl. He simply tells them 'I am a boy with long hair' (@ReanimatedSGB, thanks again for the link)

I think it is great they are confident children happy to be who they are!

Both my sons stopped cutting their hair short around 7 ish ... l wasn't fussed, it's their hair, their choice. They got a few years of daft comments and then people just stopped ( it seems small boys are an easier target than 6' Metallers - who knew? ) My favorite response was DS2 to a lady in the supermarket who said he looked like a girl "No, l look like a viking!"

Love that tee shirt reanimated

I love your little boys' response. And I would be as pissed off as you!

His hair is absolutely beautiful!

This is his 'norm', which you and father have set for him. Until he is allowed to try it short how will he know what he prefers?

He's feeling like he has to tell people he's a boy. A child shouldn't have to feel they need to do that. I know it's other people's fault but in a way it is unfair for him.

My mother never let me get my hair cut short until I was about 14 and I realised then I wished I'd had it shorter all along. It was the length of your sons hair and I also had a massive fringe, it got in the way when I was playing, took ages to dry and was a pain in the butt :( I'm female though so that made it fine to be hindered by hair

That woman is a victim of toxic masculinity. She thinks it's cool for girls to act like boys, but abhorrent for boys to act like girls.

Feel sorry for her. Your DS hair is ace

This is how gender norms are created and policed, sadly.

I hope by the time your DS goes to school the notion that he should be interrogated about his gender choices will have died a death, but I doubt it. You've done well to raise him to speak up for himself. It might be useful to teach him a few phrases for such situations, like:

"Did you mean to be so rude?"
"What a ridiculous idea!"
"It's none of your business."

I agree it's hypocrisy to be questioning the hair purely because it's a boy, but i personally don't really like loose bum length hair on any child. Because
a) it's impractical - either it's going to be getting twigs and food and stuff stuck in it or the child is going to have to be excessively cautious to keep it neat
b) it requires a regular ritual of time consuming washing and brushing to maintain and i don't really like children getting the idea that spending a long time grooming/tending your appearance is an essential part of life
c) I've never yet met a young child with hair that long that didn't either: fiddle with it/preen a lot, to the detriment of playing; or allow other young children to spend time dressing their hair.

I suppose I feel it just breeds a preoccupation with appearance which I can't stand in young children.