Hair length on my son

[MMadness]

I will preface this by saying that every time we go out in public that it gets commented on.

So, my son is 4. He's so secu,re and outgoing. Part of husband's culture involves not cutting hair, male or female, until the child asks.

4 months ago DS started daycare, first time in formal care ever. I wondered if he'd want it cut or if he might get teased.

Nope. I notice though that he points out that he's a boy if he meets or speaks to someone for the first time.

I'm pretty much immune to the double takes and the "Boy? You sure?" Yes. I'm sure.

Today was the worst. I went to a supermarket late this afternoon as I'd forgotten to buy milk.

DS was bathed, hair washed and loose, blue dinosaur PJs on.Standing in the express lane behind us was a lady in her 60s. She touched me on the shoulder and our conversation went like this;

Her "I just had to tell you how wonderful it is to see a little girl in typical boy PJs, I haven't seen that in years"

Me "Oh, haha. You still haven't, he's a boy"

Her "why would you have a BOY grow his hair like that, how ridiculous "

Me - vague smile and turned back towards the counter.

My son - "I'm a boy hey mum?"

Me - "Yeah baby"

Her to my son "Don't you want to look like a proper little boy? You should have hair cut"

My son - "No thank you, I like my air"

Her - "Well, you're a very silly little boy"

Me 😡 "Excuse me? Do not speak to my child like that. Not that it's ANY of your business, but as part of his father's ethnicity hair is not cut until they asked, so mind your manners yeah?"

Her - " Boys should not have hair....."

Me - "But, according to you 3 minutes ago, it was fabulous to see a girl in boys pjs"

Her - "Yes, and?"

Me - "Can you not see your hypocrisy? Save your ignorant opinions and judgemental views for someone else."

I'm still raging mad. I managed not to swear at her.

We teach our kids everyday to be kind and respectful to everyone. And this type of shit happens.

I know I shouldn't take it to heart. But sometimes it annoys the absolute fuck out of me.

I'll calm down easily. I just need better ways of addressing it better going forward.

The hypocrisy of that woman is rooted in misogyny; it's ok for women to want to be into boyish things, but for a boy to aspire to be more like a girl is bad because girls are inferior. Shes an idiot. Your son sounds fantastically confident, try and forget about her OP

My ds was shit scared or scissors so kept his hair long. No biggie. I was desperate to cut it short as wanted him (would have done the same for a dd) short as I prefer little kids to have hair out of the way for play.

Like your ds op, most of the kids at my ds primary (male and female) with fair coloured hair had their hair long. I assumed it was a beauty thing.

Ignore the woman, op, as who cares. Most don’t.

Beautiful hair! I expect when he goes to school he'll have to tie it back, girls and boys usually do.

My son has had long hair like that in the past, at his school it wasn't supposed to be over the shirt collar. That was a long time ago though, there's more tolerance and individuality is encouraged in most schools now.

My DS (15) has long hair, and is still mistaken for a girl, its ok. Its not an insult

Except in this case the woman did insult the child and his mother. Repeatedly.

It would be such a shame to cut that gorgeous hair!
Sadly people still adhere to stereotypes and all you can do is ignore them.
Both of my sons have had long hair at different times..their hair their choice as long as it is clean and healthy!

His hair is beautiful!
People need to mind their own business.
My nephew went through a pink phase a few years back, so my sister bought him a pink coat.
Strangers who thought he was a girl with short hair were fine with it, but apparently a boy with a pink coat is too much!
Gender roles are dumb, and they have no logic behind them. WHY is pink a girls colour. WHY do boys need short hair.
Nobody can answer those, because they're arbitrary.
Hold your head high and be proud of your son's self confidence, and lovely hair!

I’m intrigued about what culture it is where you wait for the child to ask to have their hair cut. And even more intrigued as to why you took him shopping in his bed clothes

Seems my reply got lost in the ether.

I'm slow to anger, I give no fucks generally what people think.

But. When you bend down and shake your finger 5 cms away from his nose whilst proclaiming him silly? Yeah, won't tolerate it.

Pjs in late afternoon (6pm) because he had been at swimming lessons and I'd already showered him and washed his hair there.

His father is Māori, they believe they carry their mana in their hair. It's strength and power and who they are.

For the record he's aware he can get it cut anytime. Believe me, I'd love it short. It requires a lot of care. It's always tied up and. Out of his way.

His father is Māori, they believe they carry their mana in their hair. It's strength and power and who they are.

You’d have thought she’d be afraid of being called racist. Apparently not.

Glad that he likes has the confidence to hold his ground.

How do you get through life when such trivial stuff works you into such a rage?

Trivial? A complete stranger told her 4 year old child he was “a very silly little boy”. That’s not trivial! She needed to stand up for him and she did.

Beautiful hair! I have grandsons who had hair like that at that age. The older one loved pink as well, so people always thought he was a girl. I had a lovely fuchsia pink teeshirt printed with BOY in large letters across the chest, and he loved it!
I'm 70, that woman showed herself up as a bigoted, rude old cow. Take no notice, her opinion isn't worth worrying over.

I was just going to say the whole conversation transcript was a bit unnecessary.

Woman with old fashioned views, thinks boys should have short hair isn't particularly unusual.

But then you added she bent down and shook her finger 5cm away from his nose.

You probably should've added that to the opening post...

@WorraLiberty
Surely you're not suggesting the entire conversation was fine until she waggled her finger?

I've never felt the need to march up to someone and tell them what I think about their kid's hair. Its just bizarre.

I'll admit that if I had seen your son from the back I would automatically think girl - only due to having a DD myself who would point out the long princess hair and that the boys we know with long hair are generally just past shoulder length.

That being said after the being corrected that they were a boy my only thought would be that I'm super jealous of such lovely hair.

The older woman was rude and VV unreasonable

Surely you're not suggesting the entire conversation was fine until she waggled her finger?

Nah, I'm just saying the OP only mentioned that when a PP said they thought she was overreacting.

None of this was your fault OP. In fact, I think you responded to her quite reasonably, given what she said to your son.

My son has never had his hair cut (4.5), he gets called a girl (which he and I don’t mind at all) and he will regularly point out that “no I’m a boy”.

What does irritate me though is how people treat him differently when they think he’s a girl, it’s fairly common at the park to hear parents shout things like “mind that little girl” yet if he shouts back that he’s a boy they have no concerns over climbing frames, chasing etc.

The woman you saw would shit a brick if she saw my long haired son in his favourite sparkly unicorn leggings.

I get it's coming from some generational ingrained stereotypes. Hell, I wasn't offended when an older Caucasian lady asked me his name, learned it was Māori, so she tapped her husband on the shoulder and said "Jack, look at this beautiful little half caste Maori"

There was no malice in it.

This lady however was out of line. Her opinion does not even matter, he's a beautiful confident child and I'll protect that for as long as I can.

Practically speaking - such a pain in the arse for a child that young to have such long hair. For all concerned!

I had the same from a lot of people and still do and my sons hair is no where as long, only to his shoulders. It does annoy you but we are best to try and ignore it.

My son loves his hair and I tell him that there are boys in bands and others in older years at school with long hair. It's up to him...

Apart from a short spell when he started school DS has always had longer hair and it is his choice.

But as you know he always gets mistaken for a girl, I don't know why as he dresses boy like. I've never been able to figure how people can be so mistaken

Both of my boys have long hair. Both teens and both happy in their own skin.
Youngest had his cut short a few years ago but decided to grow it back.
He has beautiful hair op.

Wow I would of been fuming! Silly crank she made no sense and made herself look foolish

I'm so jealous of your son's hair!