To think its ok that my 8yo is not dry at night

[Luna28]

My DS 1 age 8 is still not dry at night. I have tried everything but nothing works (alarms, lifting, ext.) and he is still wet every night. I know MIL will bring it up this xmas but AIBU to just say we are waiting for him to grow out of it?

I have read something about bowel movements/constipation and reduced bladder capacity. There are studies in the US at the moment looking into the link between the two. It makes sense when you read it. Good Luck with it all.

I have regular involvement in residential trips for 8 to 10 year olds and in a group of 12 kids there are usually 2 in drynites or who are regularly wet and so mean soaked.

Worst thing to do is make is stressy. Tell MIL to mind her own.

If you've tried everything and he still isn't dry I'd speak with the GP tbh, particularly as he's now older than 7 (the age at which a GP still considers primary enuresis 'normal') as there could be a physical reason.

Absolutely no judgement from me - my ds was 8 by the time he was dry, but we had gone ages thinking 'he'd just grow out of it' and his night time pants were as heavy as ever. We tried lifting, medication, getting him to drink more during the day, withholding fluids an hour before bed etc. GP said she wouldn't do further tests until we had tried an alarm. Within a week of trying the alarm he was dry. Seems his brain just hadn't managed to form the connection between his bladder being full and waking him for a wee.

Would you consider trying an alarm again, perhaps a different type of alarm? And if it doesn't work again, pushing it with the GP. Ds was never bothered about it and neither were we - until we realised he'd miss out on school residentials due to embarrassment if we didn't get it sorted.

Good luck op. And tell your mil to mind her own business.

@clairefrasier hi there I have Ehler's Danlos Syndrome. I have Type 3

Don’t know if helpful, but my child’s bed wetting also depended on how much FOOD he had and how close to bedtime.

I know this will split opinion but here goes 🥴 My son was still wetting the bed at the age of 8 and a friend suggested homeopathy. I took him, she listened to him, prescribed small homeopathic pillules for a month. He was dry until the night before his review appointment. She then prescribed a further month’s worth and he has been dry ever since! I had no feelings either way regarding homeopathy but I was desperate to get it sorted. He was just starting to do sleepovers and was anticipating loads of embarrassment and teasing. I don’t know how or why it worked but it just did! I really wanted to avoid any hormonal treatment or NHS bed wetting clinics as I’d heard very mixed feedback with regards to limiting fluid intake and reactions to meds etc.
Just saying this worked for my son and it may work for others. It may have been the fact that he was listened to, possibly a placebo effect or just the right time for him. Who knows but it certainly changed his life (and mine!)

My dd was 6, I was waiting for her to have dry pullups but she always wet them. I braved taking them off her and she was dry within a week. Obviously won't work for everyone but I was amazed, I was convinced she would be wetting the bed for ages and was shocked by how quickly she was dry.

Dd had a friend over for her 11th birthday and she was wearing a pullup. She didnt tell me and I didn't mention it to her obviously! But I guess if that was one out of 4 kids, then it probably is pretty common

DD is 9. We've been through GP/Enuresis clinic, tried alarms and medication (didn't work, often made her sick and miss school). The medication only stops urine production, it doesn't correct anything, so Enuresis clinic said there was nothing more we could do than wait as nothing physically wrong. She's been dry in the day since her 2nd birthday. I echo what others have said, it's reliant upon hormones and is gradually improving as she is showing signs of puberty.

I think maybe the Drynights makers make them too attractive to the children with the Disney and Spider-Man designs and maybe their advice that no children wet on purpose is designed to sell more nappies because no-one questions that their children’s wetting might be laziness. I know some children will definitely need them but how many are using them because they like them because they don’t have to get out of bed?

As a child I went through this myself I was the 8/9. I didn’t wet every night but at least once or twice a week till I grew out of it...

It was put down to anxiety and also quite severe constipation... I was deeply embarrassed about this issue but it did pass eventually but ruined sleep overs for me.

In my opinion it’s none of your mils business and she should keep her nose out if my mil commented on my children’s bed wetting habits I would be very angry. Hope he grows out of it soon poor lad xx

Your MIL is really insensitive. When she stirs it, just ask what her tried and tested remedy is, otherwise stop mentioning it. Age is at the higher end but as posted there are loads of instances well above that age. GP worth another visit just to check if any issues or further help available .

If only parents would stop comparing. If your GP is not worried,then you shouldn't. Either way, it must not be an issue with your child. It should be ignored, and treated as normal.

My ds wasn't fully dry until 10/11. We had scans, tried medication, alarms, liquid in and out charts, school nurse, everything. It wasn't until I was at the supermarket one day stocking up on nighttime pants and I saw someone I went to school with picking up the same pants. We had a long conversation about it all and she told me that she had been through the same with her fourteen year old who wasn't dry until he was twelve. She was there buying them for her ten year old and said that she wasn't going to be stressed about it that time around as she knew he would grow out of it. Although I tried never to fuss, stress and worry in front of my ds, I hadn't really stopped worrying until that moment. She was so relaxed about it. My ds was 8 at the time. Accepting that that was how it was going to be took a lot of pressure off trying 'solve' things. Certainly all the things we tried may help some but don't dismay if not for you. Thing will work themselves right in the end. It seems such a long time ago now like all the other phases you go through with your DCs.

My DS sounds very similar, when he was 8 he would sleep through when he had an accident, and he even slept through the bed alarm i bought.
We went to the school nurse, we had to keep a log of drinks and urine production.
Then they work out whether the bladder is big enough to sustain an evening without urinating.
We then encouraged him to drink more in the day to stretch his bladder
We also used the school nurse's alarm she lent us and this did the trick. He was dry within days.
In all the time we were very careful not to make him feel bad about it, but he was very embarrassed about it and dreaded sleepovers etc and trying to put his DryNites on discretely.

It’s horrible to see comments which are so judgemental “lazy”, “attention seeking”. Why can’t you accept what parents of children who have this condition say? Many of us have run the gamut of GP, consultant, “not drinking after 6pm”. We’re not idiots.

No wonder people keep it quiet.

I was a bedwetter and had alarms, no drinks after 6pm etc. I was told I would stop when I started my periods (which I did) but up until the age of about 9 or 10 wet the bed almost every night even with my mum doing all the above. Alarms don’t help. They go off after you start wetting the bed and it doesn’t stop you doing it. My mum never made a big deal of it which I really appreciated and therefore I also accepted it was just something I couldn’t help. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t like it but it was never a major issue. My cousin (male) and grandad also wet the bed as think it runs in families quite often and until a much older age than me.
Just tell your relatives it’s not a big deal (your child had no control over this) and they will do it in their own time.
The best thing my parents did was not make me feel bad about it or like I was doing something wrong.

Not rtft but my partners boy wet the bed persistently, we found putting puppy pads under his bottom sheet helped with cleaning up in the morning and made sure he was never embarrassed to tell us.

Not a single accident for a year now! They grow out of it, boys tend to be slower my brother wet the bed till 12.

We tried every alarm,drug and trick nothing worked, he grew out of it at 16

I think it would be very cruel for your mil to say anything. And while it’s not super common at that age, it’s not super rare either. I know at least 3 boys who weren’t dry at night in that 7-11 bracket, also one girl, although it’s more usually boys (and that’s only those I know about, I’m sure there are plenty more, it’s just not often talked about).
I’d also be wary of limiting drinks (not saying you do, but saw it suggested up thread), as it can concentrate the urine, which irritates the bladder, and makes wetting more likely. Drinking plenty during the day can also help increase bladder capacity.

I don’t think 8 is particularly unusual. My mum was a bed wetter until the age of 9, my niece (sister’s child) until almost 11 and my daughter the same. I was also an occasional bed wetter until about the age of 8. It does seem to run in families. Once I started talking to people about it, I found it’s more common than you might think. We all grew out of it when we were ready.

For sleepovers DS had to take the medication for three days prior for it to work. I just informed DS he was not the only one but people will judge and will lie so to keep it private. My niece commented about someone wetting the bed whilst forgetting that her sister use to beg me to have my bed and for me to share when visiting because she wet till she was 10. I did it and have never said a word just annoying the judgement from her now.
Children who are dry also do not wake up for the toilet because they are not producing urine. When DS stopped it was not because he woke for the toilet it was because he no longer needed to go during the night.

My dd was like this. We tried literally everything but she was an incredibly heavy sleeper. She didn't do it every night just once a week or so, but it didn't stop until she was 10!

My son was 8 in August and we've only just started getting more dry nights than wet ones. It's not something they can control, it's down to a hormone so tell you MIL to butt out. You're doing completely the right thing waiting for him to grow out of it, very, very few adults wet the bed so it will happen. As for sleepovers, my son has had a few of them, aswell as camping with his class, we just put a pull up in his sleeping bag, he puts it on in his bag then leaves it in there in the morning and we just wash it when he gets home

Not every night, but I wet the bed at 11. I used to dream that I had gone to the bathroom and wakeup to a soggy bed. My mum used to get really angry. Your son can't help it. I would not give drinks 1-2 hours before his bed time and get him Togo to the loo before he goes to bed. It is not his fault

My son has just turned 7 and undergoinging assessment for autism and have brought it up with peadiatrician and he is being referred to specialist as unsure why he's doing it and in fact how he can as he doesn't drink for 3 hours before bed as advised and is wetting every night. We don't know if it's medical or could be something to do with autism. It sounds like your concerned so for your own piece of mind it is worth getting it checked out, :)