To think its ok that my 8yo is not dry at night

[Luna28]

My DS 1 age 8 is still not dry at night. I have tried everything but nothing works (alarms, lifting, ext.) and he is still wet every night. I know MIL will bring it up this xmas but AIBU to just say we are waiting for him to grow out of it?

Currently going through this with DS6. Attending clinic for it. So far we’ve tried everything but the alarm. Until my son had it I never really heard of it (couple of close nieces and nephews and DD20 as well - everyone fully dry at 2 - 3. Never spoke to anyone either but recently found out 3 out of 5 colleagues going through this so a lot more common than you think. Do go to your GP but at this stage all I can think and hope is that he grows out of it. I had the same fears when visiting close family this year dreading to say he is still in pull ups at night. But I’ve decided it’s none of their business and I told them on day 1 it is a medical problem and it is being investigated and not to make him aware of it.

My husband was not reliably dry until aged 13, my older son not till 11 and my younger one 3. My older one did go on school residentials but I got a teacher to wake him last thing before she went to bed and he knew not to drink in the evening. It worked. My poor DH though was at boarding school and was, of course, bullied.

Tell your MIL to keep it to herself. He will be dry in his own time.

DS7.5 I mean

Ds2 was about 10/11 before he was fully dry at night.
The doctor wasn’t even worried and said if he’s still wet at 12/13 to come back .
They did however tell us to increase his water intake and even drink water upto bedtime.
Also cut out caffeine 2 hours before bedtime . Chocolate is really bad. Make sure if he’s allowed chocolate to have it early in the day .

MIL. would be unreasonable to raise it in front of DS or make a thing of it.

OP would be unreasonable to ignore it as 'one of those things'

As others have said this could be the upper end of normal, but my main worry would be if there is a physical issue causing it. Doesn't sound like GP did any medical investigations.

If your child is interested in sleepovers I'd be pushing for investigations and possibility of meds to use while he's sleeping at another's house so he's not mortified in front of his friends.

If sleepovers aren't an issue I'd talk to the child to see whether they want to try and get to the bottom of what's causing it. Your child may even resent you later on if they feel you could've gotten them help and didn't.

If they're very self conscious and want a solution now, push doctor to rule out underlining causes and get referred to someone who can help.

If child is not bothered and you're sure they're not going to sleep over anywhere you could possibly leave it for now (just doing usual things such as restricting liquids and waking them up after a few hours sleep to go so their body gets in the routine).

However if they turn nine and are still wetting the bed pursue investigations and solutions like a rabid lioness. There will always be the odd anecdote of x child who bed wetted until x age and was fine, but the older the child is the more likely there's something underlining the wetting that may need medical intervention. Not to mention the psychological affect if the child's peers find out.

My 11 year old takes desmopressin every night. If he doesn't he's wet. We do a trial without every now and then but he is wet if he doesn't take. The paediatrician told us it is common, particularly in boys and there is a genetic factor. My father in law was wet until he was 16. We tried everything before resorting to the drugs but nothing and I mean nothing worked. The medication has been a god send in terms of his comfort, embarrassment and my washing! He's not experienced any side effects. He was probably 9 when we started the drugs.
His younger brother was wet up until he was 7 and that just stopped overnight.

My son is nearly 9 and still not dry at night. Have been to bladder clinic, tried everything including synthetic hormone and nothing works.

I know he'll grow out of it eventually so not stressing out about it anymore.

Our GP referred us to eneurisis clinic where they test there's no problems and give advice around when and what to drink. They also let us borrow an alarm.

One thing to say is that lifting isn't recommended as the child is still essentially urinating in their sleep.

DS became dry around the age of your DC but no idea whether the interventions we did helped or whether it would have happened naturally.

It's more common than you think. One thing though, if you do lift him at night, make sure he's totally awake, otherwise you're training his body to wee in his sleep. I personally wouldn't bother with any of that. A matter of fact attitude to it is kinder. As for your Mother in Law, I'd just tell her that you've taken the GP's advice, and you don't want her mentioning it in front of him.

My 8yo (nearly 9) is just about dry (haven't had a wet bed for a few weeks and it was a few weeks again before that so I think/hope she's getting there). I actually did find the alarm seemed to help for both my DDs although neither of them liked it very much and refused to use it after the first few weeks. But it seemed to trigger something because they were both wet every night before we tried the alarm. DD1 was fully dry by about 7.5.

You're being extremely cruel to assume he will grow out of it. How very unfair on your son.

ERIC says that at 7, 1 child in 15 wets the bed - so I would guess that at 8 it is still up around this level (6-7%, or 2 children - usually boys - in every primary school class at this age) However, only 1 in 75 teenagers still wet the bed, so there is every reason to assume that he will simply grow out of it in the coming years. DS did at around 10 /11 - he was still a routine, every night bedwetter for his final cub camp, but was almost dry by his first scout camp and completely dry by end of Y6 residential.

At 8 years old, he could be going to friend's sleep overs and youth club camps but will be sent home when wet.
Rubbish. Every youth club / cub / scout / whatever leader, as well as every member of primary school staff who has ever taken children on residential, will have dealt discreetly and effectively with bedwettting. To send a child home would be discrimination, apart from anything else, and we all know it is really common and are fully prepared for it, to the extent that in all my years of taking children away on residentials, I don't think that any child sharing a dormitory with a bedwetter has ever been aware of it..

Another late one here, ds1 was 11. His problem was his brain tells his bladder that it’s full when it’s not.

I’d get a referral to the continence nurse in your area. Just so you can access some support.

But it’s not VERY NORMAL.

Exactly!

Well, the incidence of bedwetting in a primary school class of that age is about the same as the average incidence of writing left handed in that class IME. Or having asthma inhalers. Neither are 'rare'. All are 'within the realms of normal'.

Also, the OP has done what she can - accessed GP support, tried alarms and lifting. There are only 2 other ways forward - wait it out (while obviously following guidelines the OP will already have on drinks etc) or go for hormone treatment. The latter can be used short term for sleepovers etc if required, but it's quite reasonable to say 'no thanks' to it for the moment.

We have a six year old dd who is wet probably four-five nights a week. It's been so helpful to read this thread - you do sometimes think you're the only ones going through this, and sometimes that it's something you have done.

I'm curious, there is a lot of talk on this thread about changing sheets, we have just kept dd in pull-ups. Have others done away with pull ups and dealt with the resulting bed wetting? Our dd was distressed at having to wake us to change her sheets when we tried, but do you think it's better for her to feel herself getting wet rather than hiding it in the pull-up?

My 7yo dgs still wears nappies at night. He'll grow out of it eventually but it's not worth making an issue of. He doesn't do it on purpose.

My daughter used Desmopressin at night (and Oxybutinin in the day), from being about 7 until she was 12 ... it was great. She kept dry at night, felt comfortable on sleepovers and school holidays. Her body wasn’t producing the hormone at night, and, there was an issue with the tube going from her kidneys to her bladder which led to wet days (hence the Oxybutinin).
I wet the bed until I was 12, and I wish my parents had gone to to the doctors

Way more common than people give it credit for. It does improve. Been there done that hopefully it's starting to consistently improve now.

Apparently common in boys much older. My son is 7 and still has pull up at night too. We saw the school Nurse this week, bee given some tips but she basically said he's probably not got the hormone yet so time will tell.

The alarm worked on one of my boys but not on the other. He just stopped at nearly 8. We have the very occasional wet night. Its been no problem on beaver camps. They have special pyjama trousers called pjamas, that look pretty normal but have a double layer that keeps the wet inside. They were expensive but make sleepovers and camps accessible (and MiL stays...)

Cranial osteopathy is very successful.

Whilst everybody is saying it is very common, I run a youth group of this age and have only ever had 1 child on sleepovers who has not been dry at night, unless the parents of other children have not made me aware if it.