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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its ok that my 8yo is not dry at night

264 replies

Luna28 · 22/12/2019 12:01

My DS 1 age 8 is still not dry at night. I have tried everything but nothing works (alarms, lifting, ext.) and he is still wet every night. I know MIL will bring it up this xmas but AIBU to just say we are waiting for him to grow out of it?

OP posts:
mumwon · 22/12/2019 13:25

I have often wondered - just curiosity - I have always assumed dc who wet bed are heavy sleepers - at what age did they sleep through the night when they were babies?

Tinytimoteo · 22/12/2019 13:27

All those sayubg its late had the fortune of not experiencing this. The consultants and eric say its still fine to not be dry at night. Some attitudes here suck.

LadyAllegraImelda · 22/12/2019 13:35

My daughter was about 9-10yrs, she also had an overactive bladder in the day time, went on meds.

LadyAllegraImelda · 22/12/2019 13:37

@mumwon Sun 22-Dec-19 13:25:20
I have often wondered - just curiosity - I have always assumed dc who wet bed are heavy sleepers - at what age did they sleep through the night when they were babies?

Good point my daughter was about 9/10yrs before being dry at night (heavy sleeper) and yes she slept through the night as a baby from 6wks old!

HarrietThePi · 22/12/2019 13:37

My DD was dry through the night at a very young age, from around 6 months! It was completely natural for her. She still wore nappies because she was still a baby. She just didn't go until she after she had woken up. I actually used to worry about that as I thought she was far too young to hold her bladder for so long!

I have memories of myself wetting the bed on occasion when I was between 9 and 11. I was a very heavy sleeper (still am in fact). I didn't do it every night but it did happen. I don't remember my mum making any kind of fuss over it, she'd just change the sheets and comfort me if I was upset. It stopped on its own as I got older. I don't think your mil shouldn't be bringing it up like that. In fact I'd be tempted to lie to her and tell her he's stopped now just to stop her from saying anything, if that's possible. He will stop eventually I'm sure but if he hears other people talking about it like that, the stress might make him anxious and make the problem worse.

HarrietThePi · 22/12/2019 13:39

Also, it's not something hugely talked about. I didn't tell anyone I was wetting the bed and I'm sure my mum didn't either. It might be more common than we think.

MatildaTheCat · 22/12/2019 13:42

Your DH needs to have a quiet word with her stating very firmly that this isn’t a topic for discussion. The GP has been consulted, it’s not unusual and mentioning it will cause your DS shame and embarrassment and cause you annoyance.

No doubt she comes from a place of concern but she needs telling.

HideYourBabiesAndYourBeadwork · 22/12/2019 13:45

It’s not that unusual apparently. My 8 year old is in pull ups at night, partly due to his ASD and sleep disorder. But also he might have been anyway. It’s not something that I get worked up about.

It’s most importantly no one else’s business and not up for discussion with anyone unless they’re a medical professional in charge of my son’s care. I would tell your MIL and anyone else who brings it up to mind their own business. How politely you choose to say that is up to you.

Thehavenots · 22/12/2019 13:45

Thé only advice I have (which u probably done) is to get him to drink lots and lots from first thing in the morning and then no more after say 6pm? X

RB68 · 22/12/2019 13:47

I mean what is she suggesting you do about it - its hormone related it comes with time and occasionally people need help with getting it sorted but he is still within the scope of normal so they won't do anything yet.

Bluerussian · 22/12/2019 13:51

You're not unreasonable and he is not alone. He will grow out of it. I was at school with a couple of bedwetters, girls, and they still did it sometimes when they were older than your boy.

Bless him, of course he's embarrassed but he can't help it. Why does his grandmother have to know? It's his business and not nice to have it talked about so if she says anything (I presume she'll speak to you quietly, not making a big deal in front of her grandson), just whisper something like, "He's getting there", to her, with a smile, and show fingers crossed on both hands. You won't be lying because he is 'getting there' in his own time.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 22/12/2019 13:53

What is your family history with this? It might not be usual, but in some families it is quite common for children to still wet their beds in their early teens. If a medical condition has been ruled out (so no infections etc) then all you can do is wait it out and try to make it more bearable for everyone.

One of my kids is 13 and still occasionally wets the bed, especially if he is under a lot of stress. His uncle was the same, if not later and I was 12 before I was dry every night. You see a lot of screeching here (MN, not this thread) about "THAT's NOT NORMAL!" but what is usual isn't really the point. If your child isn't ill then it's likely just one of those things and he will grow out of it.

Maintaining privacy is important and I really wouldn't discuss it with anyone apart from his GP and his father. I'm sure you wish you'd never mentioned it to your MIL now though, I just said that because I remember how humiliating it was for me to have my mother telling anyone who would listen.

73Sunglasslover · 22/12/2019 13:56

Alarms worked wonders for my boy when he was around 7. It was becoming an issue for him which is why we sought help. It was also getting expensive in replacing bedding as it was literally soaked ever night and that could start to smell quite quickly. When I looked things up then it was around 12 for the upper end of normal, so there is nothing to panic about. Have you seen an NHS clinic? The advice there is more comprehensive than just alarms and medication.

CactusSmactus · 22/12/2019 14:01

My younger son wasn’t dry though the night at that age and eventually I tried an alarm thing that clipped to the pyjama trousers and went off as soon as it detected moisture. It took less than a month for it to work and he’s been dry ever since. I’ll try and find it now, if I do i’ll link it. I didnt expect it to work but it’s literally the only thing that did, best £30 I’ve ever spent!

lovemenorca · 22/12/2019 14:01

She’s worried. 8 doesn’t fit the mould of what’s “normal” in terms of when a child should be dry at night
He will forever out of it and all will be fine I’m sure

BUT I would call the MIL and explain that under NO circumstances must she raise this issue. If she can’t offer this assurance then she would not be welcome in my home

GameSetMatch · 22/12/2019 14:07

It’s so common, that’s why supermarkets sell ‘dry nights’ If it was only a select few children they wouldn’t stock products. Ignore you MIL, I still wake up twice a night to take my son to the toilet, don’t sweat the small stuff as long as he’s a happy boy!

IndecentFeminist · 22/12/2019 14:08

Upper end of normal. We approached GP when dd wasn't dry by 8.5. She's 9 now and has had a scan, and takes medication. She's now dry probably 99.9 of the time. She has worked down to a level of meds that keep her that way as she was nervous about an upcoming residential trip etc. Am going to speak to consultant after about what happens in terms of coming off them, long term etc.

It absolutely is still within the realms of normal though, so don't worry or let him worry. We've always been very pragmatic about it with DD and as such it isn't an issue for her. She doesn't discuss it with friends because she knows it is private, and also knows it is normal and nothing to be ashamed of. We tackled it purely because of the sleepover/residential thing.

ScatteredMama82 · 22/12/2019 14:21

My DS1, also a very heavy sleeper, slept through from 11-7 from about 10 weeks old. He is dry probably 5 nights out of 7 routinely. (He's now 10). We went to the GP when he was 8, as he was going on a cub camp and was worried sick about it. They referred is to the enuresis clinic. Some tips about amount he should be drinking, and also about bowel habits helped, but not 100%. He now takes a tablet every night, and we do 3 months on then try without to see if he still needs them. At the moment he still does.

My youngest has been dry at night since he was 4. I'd consider the tablets, they are called Desmopressin and all they do is top up what is a naturally occurring hormone. It's given my DS so much more confidence to go on sleepovers etc.

Armadillostoes · 22/12/2019 14:27

YANBU-and your MIL needs telling in no uncertain terms not to bring this up. At 8 your DS is entitled to some privacy and dignity. Would your MIL care to have private medical issues aired in public?

museumum · 22/12/2019 14:31

Your MIL should not ask and should not be answered. I guess she’s worried but frankly it’s not her business. It’s not ideal, your ds will know that, you know that, there’s no reason to shame him.
Just thinking about how “period pants” have become such a thing recently is there any washable pants he could have that would be discreet and less waste?

WanderingBar · 22/12/2019 14:37

Is your MIL bringing it up because you're staying with her over Christmas? If so, call her up in advance and have a private conversation with her about mattress sheets etc.

If this isn't the case, she has no reason to mention it and I'd tell her so.

Murraygoldberg · 22/12/2019 14:38

I would be led by your ds, if he is not bothered then I would leave it. My ds was dry from about 9. I double made the bed with dry nite pads so he could take the wet ones off and still have a dry clean bed. I didn't go to GP as did not wish to medicalise what is at the upper end of normal development(ds was not bothered by bed wetting) . I would tell your mil that any comments will not be tolerated

justamo · 22/12/2019 14:40

My dd was 7 or 8 before dry at night. Did the research, thought it was hormone related, thought she'd grow out of it but she was getting embarrassed by it because younger sibling was dry. We went cold turkey one half term, lots of 4am change of bedding - recommend waterproof duvet covers & matress protectors. No shouting or recriminations (tough at 4am) and got her to help with the bed stripping. A week or so of that and she was dry, think she was just lazy & liked her bed too much to go to the toilet!

Beach11 · 22/12/2019 14:42

The advice we were given is:
Drink 1.8l during the day
No drinks an hour before bed
No drinks with caffeine
No hot chocolate
No fizzy drinks
No orange or black currant juice or squash

Only drink apple juice/squash and water down.

Definitely helping and now have more drier nights than before.