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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I too old, is this a mid life crisis?

235 replies

Cassavaflower · 22/12/2019 09:29

Am I being unreasonable to have a crush on a guy 16 years my junior?
I feel like I'm going crazy. I work from home and never interact with anyone in the office but a couple of weeks ago I was asked to meet one of the managers. I was expecting an older guy judging by his emails. I wasn't expecting him to be mesmerising. I lost it, getting tongue tied, blushing. I mean, just awful. He's funny and clever and 16 years younger than me. He's single. We are meeting up tomorrow as he wants to see me before I turn 50. I've been literally dreaming about him.
I'm having a midlife crisis aren't I?
Should I just accept I'm being silly and enjoy the coffee and think no more of it? I've been single for years and years.
God, I have it bad. Oh and to avoid drip feeding he tells me I'm awesome all the time but that doesn't mean anything right?

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 22/12/2019 09:31

Gosh, how interesting. I think the more complicated thing is that he’s your manager, rather than his age, though.

AnyFucker · 22/12/2019 09:34

He "wants to see you before you turn 50" ? Why ?

HowlsMovingBungalow · 22/12/2019 09:36

Hmm.

AdriannaP · 22/12/2019 09:37

Agree - the age is not the issue here but your working relationship. Is he your direct manager?
I would thread carefully.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 22/12/2019 09:37

Why does he want to see you before you turn 50? Strikes me as an odd thing to say...

Original poster
Cassavaflower · 22/12/2019 09:38

I've met up with him twice for work. We enjoy each other's company and he just said he wanted to see me before I turn 50.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/12/2019 09:38

That's a strange thing to request.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 22/12/2019 09:39

Yeah he wants to tell his mates he screwed a woman in her 40's.
Hmm

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 22/12/2019 09:40

We enjoy each other's company and he just said he wanted to see me before I turn 50

That's a very odd thing to say.

Wintersnowdrop · 22/12/2019 09:41

I don’t get the he wants to see you before you turn fifty? Is that some sort of line? Sounds like a complete disaster waiting to happen.

daisypond · 22/12/2019 09:42

Yes, that “before I turn 50” comment is very odd.

DickDewy · 22/12/2019 09:46

The ‘before you turn 50’ line is smarmy and weird.

And of course he is FAR too young for you. It’s pretty unlikely that a 34 year old would find a 50 year old attractive. Maybe he sees you as a motherly figure?

Shylo · 22/12/2019 09:46

I’m 5 years into a similar relationship ..... but there is no manager/subordinate relationship which is the difference

The ‘before you’re 50’ comment is a bit odd though, what was the context?

Bluntness100 · 22/12/2019 09:47

What happens when you turn fifty in his head?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 22/12/2019 09:49

Go with an open mine but have your wanker radar on high alert

SilverySurfer · 22/12/2019 09:50

Perhaps he has a thing about not having sex with a 50 year old?

Original poster
Cassavaflower · 22/12/2019 09:51

Well the turn 50 comment was in the context of 'I won't get a chance to see you before the holidays and your big 5-0 birthday.'
We are messaging a lot. Oh dear. Yes I see how bad it looks but there's no screwing possible as we meet up in city centre cafes.
Lots going on in my head though.

OP posts:
iklboodolphrednosedreindeer · 22/12/2019 09:51

Wants to see you before you're 50?

Does he think your foof seals up and you turn into Thora Hird overnight. Weird thing to say.

onalongsabbatical · 22/12/2019 10:06

Does he think your foof seals up and you turn into Thora Hird overnight. Bloody made me laugh! Really happens though. I'm well into my 'Thora Hird' years! Grin

MT2017 · 22/12/2019 10:20

Are you single?

NurseButtercup · 22/12/2019 10:36

Stop worrying about the age gap and enjoy yourself. I bet Joan Collins, Cher, Tina Turner and Madonna would tell you not to worry about what other people think!

And if it is a mid-life crisis so what?

At least you'll create some great memories for when you're in the nursing home.

Missillusioned · 22/12/2019 10:39

It's perfectly possible for a man in his 30s to find a 49 yr old woman attractive.
What is less likely is that a relationship will result from the encounter. Not impossible - it does happen, but tread carefully.

lljkk · 22/12/2019 10:50

I have a distant cousin married to a woman 18 yrs his senior. I think they wed when he was in his late 20s. They had a baby via surrogate recently. Been together about 20 yrs, so works for them.

lljkk · 22/12/2019 10:52

... if you want semi-creepy. My mother had a fling with one of my brother's childhood friends. He insists that he fancied her from when he was a child, but they didn't get together until he was 35 & she was 52 (and she had no idea before then how he felt). Too different for other reasons to become a sustainable relationship, actually, but they had fun. She left him a nice art piece in her will & he remains a family friend.

Wintersnowdrop · 22/12/2019 11:14

Does he see you as a colleague and maybe friend and you are reading more into it?