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AIBU?

Am I too old, is this a mid life crisis?

235 replies

Cassavaflower · 22/12/2019 09:29

Am I being unreasonable to have a crush on a guy 16 years my junior?
I feel like I'm going crazy. I work from home and never interact with anyone in the office but a couple of weeks ago I was asked to meet one of the managers. I was expecting an older guy judging by his emails. I wasn't expecting him to be mesmerising. I lost it, getting tongue tied, blushing. I mean, just awful. He's funny and clever and 16 years younger than me. He's single. We are meeting up tomorrow as he wants to see me before I turn 50. I've been literally dreaming about him.
I'm having a midlife crisis aren't I?
Should I just accept I'm being silly and enjoy the coffee and think no more of it? I've been single for years and years.
God, I have it bad. Oh and to avoid drip feeding he tells me I'm awesome all the time but that doesn't mean anything right?

OP posts:

Report

Am I being unreasonable?

343 votes. Final results.

POLL

You are being unreasonable

33%

You are NOT being unreasonable

67%

DickDewy · 26/12/2019 10:41

Monday was a lifetime ago and Friday is an eternity away.

He sounds smarmy. No-one actually talks like that.

ivykaty44 · 26/12/2019 10:45

There’s always someone who wants to ☔️ on your chemistry

BoxingDayRegret · 26/12/2019 10:51

He sounds smarmy. No-one actually talks like that.

Yes they do! People who rush in and wear their heart on their sleeve do, doesn't mean he is smarmy!

OP is caught up in those teen emotions and it's fine. If it all goes tits up I'm sure she will recover. Sometimes you have to just bloody get swept away in something and enjoy it!

Alsohuman · 26/12/2019 10:55

No-one actually talks like that

Obviously they do. He did. It’s lovely.

AdriannaP · 26/12/2019 21:01

Oh can’t wait for the update! Have a great date

holidayhelpp · 27/12/2019 07:53

🎉

Cassavaflower · 27/12/2019 12:31

Hello just to update.
We didn't meet for various reasons. I didn't hear from him all morning then he called to say he had childcare issues. But in that time when I didn't hear from him I saw the reality of this situation.
He wants to rearrange the date but I've woken up from this fairy tale and thanking God I had a lucky escape.
I'm gutted but a bit relieved.
My midlife crisis will have to be something else.
Thanks for following. Feel free to say 'told you so'!!!

OP posts:

Alsohuman · 27/12/2019 13:46

Why do you think you’ve had a lucky escape? I think you’re walking away from something that could be wonderful. What do you have to lose by seeing where it goes? Disappointed.

DickDewy · 27/12/2019 13:50

I won't say 'I told you so' as I was already a complete cynic on here.

But at least you weren't used by him and you've has a timely wake-up call.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 27/12/2019 13:53

I say two grown ups having a bit of fun just go with it. Maybe he will give you a card. Or a present......

purplelila2 · 27/12/2019 19:46

Oh why was it a lucky escape?

Rhumatoidwarrior88 · 27/12/2019 22:00

I'm 31 in a relationship with a 45yr old woman. Go for it . Enjoy it, we can be excellent partners and can bring life back into a person and remind them to live life . And the on the other hand . Older partners bring love like no other . 40+ for me I find to be incredible and wonderfully kind and much less difficult to be with. Even if it is a fling it will give you huge amounts of self belief and confidence

Icecreambaby · 27/12/2019 22:38

OP could it be a genuine childcare issue though?

Redshoeblueshoe · 27/12/2019 22:48

And if he sorts child care for the weekend ?

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 27/12/2019 22:49

If you are, then I am.

Cassavaflower · 28/12/2019 07:31

I suppose I'm looking back at all the messages and thinking how fast it all developed and all the so called connections we had and now I'm not sure if he is a sociopath or even if I am. He says he wont give up and wants a 'fairytale' but I think he's all words and no action. However one thing it has taught me is that I do want a relationship with someone. I've been single for years and years and so this attraction felt especially powerful.
Something has awakened in me. Don't know what I'm going to do about it though.

OP posts:

TurkeyStuffingPudding · 28/12/2019 07:54

If he is a direct line manager just be careful. But your post said one of the managers so I'm guessing not so...

Have fun, be smart, be confident - he's interested for a reason so enjoy it.

We don't work together but I have a thing going with a guy 13 years my junior and it's great, not going to last forever but we love each other's company and have a lot of fun. I know to protect my heart but other than that I'm in and enjoying it.

ferntwist · 28/12/2019 11:13

Cassavaflower you sound lovely and your insight that this has shown you you’re ready for a relationship is an excellent one. Why not try dipping a toe into online dating? Loads of people sign up after Christmas.
That way, even if you do meet up with your colleague, you have another focus and more irons in the fire.
Good luck lovely.

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 28/12/2019 15:21

DickDewy that's exactly the kind of stuff my bf would come out with. It's sweet.

He's also the type to well up when someone says something nice to him on Twitter.

JamesBlonde1 · 28/12/2019 15:37

Yes it's middle age mid-life crisis.

Same weirdness if 50 year old fella copping off with a 34 year old woman.

What's he after?! Have a think about that. Is he weird or nerdy?

JamesBlonde1 · 28/12/2019 15:43

OP have I missed something, is this your first relationship? Is this why you're flattered?

Cassavaflower · 28/12/2019 16:52

I had an arranged marriage when I was 20 that didn't work out. Was sort of seeing a man but it became a friendship rather than a relationship and the reason I was flattered about this guy is because that was what he set out to do. From that first meeting he showered me with compliments about my work, my wit, my supposed great beauty. I'm not hideous but he made me feel like Helen of Troy. Not being immodest I've had a fair bit of interest from people but it was the first time in ages I felt attracted to someone.

Ferntwist thank you for your kind message- I did sign up to online dating but I was overwhelmed by it and ended up deleting the app.

OP posts:

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Nyctophyllia · 28/12/2019 17:25

Dont do it op, hes lovebombing you with all the flowery language, as soon as he gets a shag that will it and you'll end up with your self esteem at rock bottom, trust me I could write the script for you, he is not to be trusted

purplelila2 · 28/12/2019 18:34

I agree he sounds like hes love bombing you then gone cold reg flag to me!

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 28/12/2019 19:02

Guys love older women

Perfect. I'm early 50s and love younger men

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