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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish husband wasn't nasty about chosen Christmas gift?

205 replies

gitehn · 21/12/2019 21:17

I love a video game where you create characters and control their lives, building their houses and choosing their relationships etc. I'm sure it's obvious what game it is but won't say the name so that I'm not accused of being an advertisement. It is not directly a children's game (though in the right settings children can play it and I let my DC play it sometimes, but you can get modifications to it which make it a bit more adult. Not in a sexual way, just have more interesting scenarios happen etc). My current family in the game is like a soap opera.

I love the game because I'm a very creative person and like using it to create stories. I usually like making dramatic scenarios, affairs, rivalries etc. It is my escapism. While some people like to sit and watch telly with a glass of wine while the DC are in bed (as well as the DH sometimes!) I like to have a glass of wine and play this game for an hour or so.

I have all Christmas presents for DC and family/friends bought and got DH something he wanted (we share an income so it's more just a sentimental thing) and I asked him to get me the newest expansion pack for the game. He laughed at me and said I'm ridiculous, that I'm too old for video games and I should get a life. He also enquired why I couldn't ask for perfume or something like that.

Maybe I am being hormonal (TOTM) but for some reason it's upsetting me. I have a degree, a full time job, a social life and DC. I am by no means addicted to it and I feel it is no different to people winding down in the evening by watching trash on TV. Yet nobody gets made fun of for that. I will literally just play it for a little while with a drink after the DC have gone to sleep, then will come up to bed. I don't even play it every night but it is something I enjoy (and from what I've seen online, it is actually quite a popular hobby among people my age with kids...). He has made me feel like an idiot and I now feel under pressure to stop playing it. I've asked for something else now as I hate the idea of him rolling his eyes and chuckling to himself while buying it.

OP posts:

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 22/12/2019 16:44

I'm 35 and a massive gamer, it's my hobby! I work full time in a high pressure environment and have 3 kids so when I get some actual ME time I game!! I love the sims too and play it on the PC. My husband is a big gamer too though. I have a gaming PC, an xbox and DH is getting me a switch for xmas. Everyone has some sort of hobby and he should not be pissing all over yours! And the difference with a lot of female gamers than Male is we don't tend to sit and do fuck all else but play! Like I say I work, I look after my kids, I have housework and cooking etc to do, gaming isnt the be all and end all like it is to some of the lazy assed men that posters complain about when it comes to them gaming, but when I have spare time on evenings and weekends I have a good gaming session so good for you OP and definitely do not give it up!!

Littlemissdaredevil · 22/12/2019 16:49

I’m very anti gaming as my DH became obsessed after DD was born. His version of an hour winding down was coming through the door at 7pm giving DD a brief kiss and a cuddle before heading upstairs to game whilst grabbing his dinner that I had cooked and taking it upstairs!

There is nothing wrong with any hobby as long as the hobby doesn’t dominate and the person is doing their fair share of the housework, mental load and spending quality time with their children and partner.

Overwhelmedandlonelymommy · 22/12/2019 16:53

I'm 29 and LOVE the sims! I'm on it when other half is on his Harry Potter game hes 29 also! LoL x

Celebelly · 22/12/2019 16:56

I don't see why unwinding by playing a game is any sillier than watching Love Island etc

Absolutely this! A lot of modern games have really involved storylines that are far superior in terms of creativity and emotional experience than some of the shite TV out there. I don't judge people who watch stuff like Love Island or Strictly as each to their own, but give me a good game over that any day thanks! Especially as DH and I can play a lot of games together, which is just as social if not much more so than watching TV together. Tonight, for example, we have earmarked to play Diablo together on our Switches under a duvet on the sofa once DD is abed!

geekone · 22/12/2019 17:20

My DH bought me Lego Brickheadz last year for my Christmas. He searched for the right ones so I could display them in my office.
I didn’t ask for them, they are not normal wife type presents but he knows and loves me and bought them. This year I have a t-Rex Christmas card!

itsmecathycomehome · 22/12/2019 17:30

I don't judge people for gaming whatsoever but I do think it can be quite absorbing so excludes non-gaming partners in a way that a tv programme for example doesn't, but not a problem as long as it doesn't impact other areas of life, much like any other hobby really.

MurderOfGoths · 22/12/2019 17:43

Amazed someone has actually suggested that watching TV is more social than sitting and gaming? At least you can chat while playing a game, especially a game like the Sims.

Dommina · 22/12/2019 17:50

I love the sims! Going home to play it now.
I found TS4 hard to get used to but really grown to love it. The interactions and emotions are really clever

itsmecathycomehome · 22/12/2019 18:27

"Amazed someone has actually suggested that watching TV is more social than sitting and gaming?"

Well two people are usually watching a programme together. Laughing at the same thing. Discussing plot points. Chatting afterwards about the next episode.

IME gaming usually means one person thinking they're talking to their partner but with their mind half-focused on the game they're usually poor company.

Not a problem if regulated of course, just part of an evening, part of a relationship, and at least it's a hobby that keeps them in the house.

gamerchick · 22/12/2019 19:06

Well two people are usually watching a programme together. Laughing at the same thing. Discussing plot points. Chatting afterwards about the next episode

Really? We usually watch lots of blood and cutting off heads type stuff. Yeah laughing at the same time is the word

I guess people might not share telly viewing the same way you do maybe?

gamerchick · 22/12/2019 19:10

IME gaming usually means one person thinking they're talking to their partner but with their mind half-focused on the game they're usually poor company

Now there you're talking. If he's playing, I watch avidly, see things that he might not and give him tips on what might work next and visa versa. We even pass each other the control if one of us is in a frustrating tricky bit and the other might be able to find the right formula to get past it. Which is then stored away in the replay of said game.

That doesn't sound like what you've described now really, does it?

Ragwort · 22/12/2019 19:12

So long as it is legal, does it really matter? My DH loves golf & fishing, both of which bore me to tears but if he wanted his Christmas present to be some technical gadget then I would respect that. He probably thinks I am equally boring with my hobbies.

Best idea, which is what we do, is to longer buy each other gifts, just choose something for ourselves , shared finances so it really doesn’t matter.

tomatobread · 22/12/2019 20:24

I like the original sims and haven't liked any of the newer ones. The newest one is 4? I don't know that I've played that one maybe I'll give it a go

Spartonian · 22/12/2019 20:35

Quick question

What sims version do I want to play on a Mac?

tomatobread · 22/12/2019 21:54

I think they're all on both now.

Spartonian · 22/12/2019 22:15

Which Sims will be best to get back into playing again?

NCasIknowMNetters · 22/12/2019 22:39

Laughing at the idea that 2 people playing games aren't really talking - like you do when you watch TV.

Year ago, and pre-DC, DH and I hired a cottage on the edge of the National Forest in Yorkshire. It was off season and cold and wet, but that didn't matter. We had a new 'tycoon' building game it wasn't as good as we hoped, no where near as good as Theme Hospital which entertained us for weeks

We got Naice food and wine. There was a woodburner and wood included. It was blissful. I think we did 2 trips out to local places and the rest of the time we played this game and chatted.

I do hope you'll get the expansion pack for yourself. Now I need to get back to my game. I'm visiting friends tomorrow and I need all my production chains working before we go.

itsmecathycomehome · 22/12/2019 22:51

"That doesn't sound like what you've described now really, does it?"

No that sounds like two people who like games. But that's not the situation for op is it.

"Really? We usually watch lots of blood and cutting off heads type stuff. Yeah laughing at the same time is the word."

Depends on the genre what reaction you share I guess.

itsmecathycomehome · 22/12/2019 22:52

"Year ago, and pre-DC, DH and I hired a cottage on the edge of the National Forest in Yorkshire. It was off season and cold and wet, but that didn't matter. We had a new 'tycoon' building game."

That sounds nice. Again, two people sharing a game. Not the same if only person in a couple enjoys gaming though.

tomatobread · 22/12/2019 23:17

Yes I'd like to know that too. The last one I tried to play was so fiddly and complicated! And didn't work well with a Mac mouse. I think it was 3 or 4

sayanythingelse · 23/12/2019 00:01

Oh I have the opposite problem, DH always buys me geeky things like games, merch from films I like, books etc. Last year he got me a book of Rupaul quotes.

I'll admit I feel a twang of jealousy when I see other women who've received lovely handbags, perfume, makeup, etc.

Do you want to swap husbands?

PapayaCoconut · 23/12/2019 04:56

I feel a twang of jealousy when I see other women who've received lovely handbags, perfume, makeup, etc.

Then do what those women do and pick out your own present too? Then just give it to him to wrap.

PapayaCoconut · 23/12/2019 04:57

(I really don't think those women have husbands capable of guessing what makeup their wife wants and in what colour...)

motherheroic · 23/12/2019 05:52

You can absolutely get sex mods on the Sims. It's called WickedWhims. Anyway your husband is being a prick, but I'm sure you know what already

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 23/12/2019 08:10

TaliZorahVasNormandy

Yeah me too. It's surprising how much you can come to like and admire a bloodthirsty outlaw i had a beautiful black arabian horse and Arthur was all done out in black and purple. Very fetching. I need to play it again.

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