To wish husband wasn't nasty about chosen Christmas gift?

[gitehn]

I love a video game where you create characters and control their lives, building their houses and choosing their relationships etc. I'm sure it's obvious what game it is but won't say the name so that I'm not accused of being an advertisement. It is not directly a children's game (though in the right settings children can play it and I let my DC play it sometimes, but you can get modifications to it which make it a bit more adult. Not in a sexual way, just have more interesting scenarios happen etc). My current family in the game is like a soap opera.

I love the game because I'm a very creative person and like using it to create stories. I usually like making dramatic scenarios, affairs, rivalries etc. It is my escapism. While some people like to sit and watch telly with a glass of wine while the DC are in bed (as well as the DH sometimes!) I like to have a glass of wine and play this game for an hour or so.

I have all Christmas presents for DC and family/friends bought and got DH something he wanted (we share an income so it's more just a sentimental thing) and I asked him to get me the newest expansion pack for the game. He laughed at me and said I'm ridiculous, that I'm too old for video games and I should get a life. He also enquired why I couldn't ask for perfume or something like that.

Maybe I am being hormonal (TOTM) but for some reason it's upsetting me. I have a degree, a full time job, a social life and DC. I am by no means addicted to it and I feel it is no different to people winding down in the evening by watching trash on TV. Yet nobody gets made fun of for that. I will literally just play it for a little while with a drink after the DC have gone to sleep, then will come up to bed. I don't even play it every night but it is something I enjoy (and from what I've seen online, it is actually quite a popular hobby among people my age with kids...). He has made me feel like an idiot and I now feel under pressure to stop playing it. I've asked for something else now as I hate the idea of him rolling his eyes and chuckling to himself while buying it.

YANBU at all - I love sims too! DP is well into his games and actually got me into it!

It’s a hobby the same as any other hobby, it’s only a problem if it interferes in the relationship/running of the house as a team.

Your DH is a dick!

We all have different hobbies and ways we like to unwind, i would never make fun of whatever hobby someone enjoys. Go and buy the game and ignore him.

Oh quite a few of my friends play the sims, nothing wrong with it. We all have hobbies. I play video games and watch South Park like I'm still 15 years old, who cares. He's meant to be in your corner, not belittle you

What worries me is that you've moderated your behavior because of him. Why don't you have the confidence to say "this is what I want"?

If my dh said anything like that I'd laugh and tell him where to go.

That's the issue you should be addressing.

My father (retired RAF Officer) loved flight simulation games when he was around 65 years old. Gave him hours of fun!

Tell your husband he's a wanker from me

It is exactly the same as watching mindless TV or scrolling the internet. It is relaxation time, ignore him. I must admit I absolutely hate computer games, but reading your description makes me wonder if that is something I would love!

It is tough when your partner demeans you for liking things he does not.
It is even tougher to realize your life partner holds you in contempt.
I am very sorry you got a dud.

Don't have much to say but I love playing the sims. My partner found it funny to begin with (for some reason) but I just told him that I enjoyed it and that's all that mattered. I'm actually a struggling to find some time to play with a 6 month old at the moment. If he's going to be like that can you say that what want amazon vouchers for the same price and then just purchase the game from there?

I can see both sides- why shouldn’t you have your game? Plenty of men and women’s play Xbox ect why is the sims any different? But also I got a sims expansion pack for my 14th birthday many years ago... your husband shouldn’t make you feel bad about wanting this game even if it is a childish hobby, who is it harming?

My husband is getting the new Pokemon game for Christmas (and the console to go with it)
I love Sims! I also play Pokemon Go alllllll the time. Tell him he's an arse and buy the expansion pack for yourself

I feel like I've found my people ❤️

@gitehn the DU expansion is half price, if not less now on origin.

@MissMoogle completely agree about the horses, I really miss them from TS3 Pets :(

Maybe he resents you staying up gaming and drinking. Perhaps game without the glass of wine and go to bed at the same time some nights.

Relationships can suffer because of one partners gaining habits through no ill intentions.

Now if it is only a couple times a week he needs to cop on but if it's most nights, maybe he misses you.

You DH should have expressed himself in a nicer way.

But do you play it most nights? We have small children, and TBH if DH took himself off with a glass of wine for an hour most nights of the week instead of spending the evening with us/me, I'd have a problem with it.

It's different to watching TV because watching TV is something you can do as a group. Gaming is a very insular hobby.

I was obsessed with the Sims when I was a child but I would find it weird to play it now. I have real people to feed/bathe/toilet. I can't see the appeal of the virtual dollhouse anymore.

If I was you I'd tell DH hwo his comment made me feel but I'd also ask if he wanted to talk about it for real or if it was just a daft comment.

@Soontobe60 OP says she plays when the kids are in bed.

Why on earth would you be annoyed at your husband doing something he enjoys for an hour or two of an evening? After the kids are in bed my DH and I often sit in the same room with our headphones on on our laptops for an hour to wind down from the day. Then we'll sort out our dinner, tidy up then maybe watch TV together. But if there's not something we both want to watch then we'll go back to our separate activities.

I think it's very controlling to expect your partner to not take time for themselves each night. And just because you have 'real life people to bath and feed' does that mean you don't watch ANY TV that isn't strictly fantasy? Do you only watch things that you don't do in your every day life? If you think that's ridiculous then hopefully you'll realise how ridiculous your comment was.

Sorry @Soontobe60 !! I meant @Soon2BeMumof3 🤦🏻‍♀️

I have played Big Farm for over 5 years and am currently having a break from it. But I will go back! I am 66 and my partner never made fun of me for it, it saw me through some very dark times.

They are only games! It doesn't hurt anyone as long as you have a life with your partner outside them.

I would be tempted to ask for some expensive perfume or a handbag and then return them to the shop and buy your expansion pack!

I agree that he was horrible to shame you for it, and that there is nothing wrong with gaming.

But IME gamers usually underestimate how long they are playing for.

So when you say that you play for an hour or so every evening after the kids have gone to bed, and often after dh has gone to bed too, is it possible that it is impacting your time as a couple?

I mean, are you choosing to play the game instead of going to bed with your dp?

Does he sit watching tv by himself every evening because you are absorbed in the game?

It can be frustrating to sit in a room with a gamer because they are not really present, and only half listening to a conversation. TV is a bit more sociable in that you are talking about the programme, laughing at the same things, have something to chat about afterwards.

I’m an adult and I love this game too! I am also patiently waiting for the day they bring out Zoo Tycoon or something similar on PlayStation and then my life will be complete

His comment was unkind. Get yourself the extension thing.

What is he usually doing while you’re playing the game? Do you do much together?

Nice to see so many supportive comments here.

Op, I agree... this is a dh problem, not a game problem. I often ask my dh for google play vouchers etc, and I LOVE fighting zombies in minecraft by myself with dd!

Buy it yourself if he won't!

He's being ridiculous. I've played the Sims since the first game and I have bought almost all the expansions for each game, it's my absolute favourite. We are all gamers in this house (minus the toddler, although I'm sure she will be too).

It's what we love, I see no issue!

I am a trashy TV watcher and am now v tempted to try this game! Perhaps the child appropriate one with my DC too.

Just when I thought people were being supportive...

@itsmecathycomehome But IME gamers usually underestimate how long they are playing for

Op is an ADULT! I am sure she knows how long she plays for, and if her dh (another ADULT) has an issue with it, then he should say something.

What’s wrong with playing for over an hour? @itsmecathycomehome

If OPs kids go to bed at 7 and she gos to bed at 11 (made up times) that’s 4 hours of free time- why does all of that have to be between op and her husband without him getting offended? It’s controlling.
You’re not just a mum and a wife, you need to be allowed to absorb yourself into things by yourself too.
It’s not like she’s going out and leaving him with solo responsibility of the kids is it?

I play games too, it’s an escape from reality and brilliant for my MH.
If my husband told me I was only allowed to play for an hour because he was getting annoyed with me not spending time with him.
I’d swiftly tell him to eff off.