To ask for a way to irritate woman parking in my spot?

[Solasshole]

Background, I live in a flat above a shop. My flat has it's own parking spot that I pay for. Despite this a entitled prick of a woman lady keeps parking in my spot. She has been told many times not to, but continues to do so. She understands it is private parking but doesn't care and says "I'm just leaving" or "I wont be long"

So, help me think if a suitably irritating thing I can do to her next time it happens? Nothing illegal obviously. Perhaps upending a nearby recycling bin all over her car

What can I do to teach her a lesson seeing as she clearly gives no fucks about what shes doing

(Cant be bothered with putting up a penguin bollard, also cant block her in as it would mean I would be blocking a road to do so. Just something that would annoy her...)

[MalarkeyMouse]

Don't leave actual dog poo or you could be fined - make up some coffee buttercream and pipe convincingly.

[FaveNumberIs2]

Go for the bollard. It’s the only thing that means you take the high road.

[mrsmuddlepies]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1956527-To-buy-this-land-and-risk-upsetting-the-tenants-next-door

[VenusTiger]

Leave a copy of the parking bill that you pay for on her windscreen with a note saying you’ve given the parking authorities her registration and that they’ll be in touch for payment.

[Lovelylugs]

Follow her into the shop and shout 'Why do you keep parking in my private space' and say no more. Just stare at her until she answers or leaves from embarrassment.

[millimollimandi]

Vaseline on her side windows (not the windscreen) - an absolute bugger to get off...

[MalarkeyMouse]

Or ... put some cones but spread liberally with anchovie or garlic paste so she ends up with stinky hands. I'd be careful about not breaking the law which I think some of these suggestions do.

[wallowinwater]

Use a chalk pen to write a message on her windscreen.

[CorBlimeyGovenor]

eBay sell ' I lOVE COCK' bumper stickers!

[SylvanianFrenemies]

Loads of post it notes on her windscreens.

Or cling film round the whole car.

[Malbecfan]

My dad puts a smear of grease from his grease gun under the driver's door handles of offending vehicles. He doesn't see them again. His neighbour used to put notes on the cars, but they ended up in the hedge. Grease/vaseline/lipstick is the way to go.

[middleeasternpromise]

A glass of vegetable oil poured neatly across the top of the windscreen - it will require a lot of cleaning before she can drive

[CoffeeAndCarbs]

'drop' a glass jar in the space as you're taking the bin down or scatter some nails so that they puncture her tyres 😁

[nuxe1984]

www.halfords.com/motoring/car-security/car-security/halfords-wheel-clamp-lock?istCompanyId=b8708c57-7a02-4cf6-b2c0-dc36b54a327e&istFeedId=367c5610-f937-4c81-8609-f84582324cd6&istItemId=iwmqwxmxp&istBid=t&_$ja=tsid:94971|cid:1597776703|agid:59288237886|tid:pla-601931313560|crid:303053191864|nw:g|rnd:8092455083836974167|dvc:t|adp:1o1|mt:loc:1006959&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI88PzgbHH5gIViLHtCh0LZQAFEAQYASABEgL-rvD_BwE - A £25 pound investment. Leave a note to say it though so she doesn't damage the car is she doesn't see it.

This is a brilliant idea. Plus add a charge of £25 to the note for unlocking - cash - so you recoup the costs. Bet she'll only ever do it once.

[Ariela]

Phone the company that have the car parking fines contract (on the notice) Explain this woman is regularly parking there, and can they let you have some tickets and the sticky window envelopes and you will happily work on their behalf to earn them some parking fines by emailing them timed photos to prove she was in the space for the required length of time.

Then issue her with a ticket next and every time she uses your space.

Job done.

[ivykaty44]

A glass of vegetable oil poured neatly across the top of the windscreen - it will require a lot of cleaning before she can drive

That could be dangerous- not for the car owner but someone else if they didn’t clear the oil.

I’d worry about someone innocent getting hurt

[Mumsnut]

Crime scene tape from Amazon is your friend, and a notice asking if anyone witnessed any of the car break ins that have been happening on that stretch of road

[user1486131602]

Just park behind her block her in. Don’t leave a note and when/if she finds you just say ok, be down in a minute. Have a cup of tea, then saunter down.
If she parks there again, take the air cap off put a tiny stone inside and do back up, letting the air out! She’ll probably have to pay for someone to come to her rescue ( taking longer) but will eventually find out nothing wrong! And won’t park there again!

Or lastly, attach a bill for the time she has used the space pro rata for the cost you pay!

[Grumpyoldpersonwithcats]

2 pints of full fat milk poured into the door frame (just ease back the rubber seal by the window and pour in).
She won't know for about a week by which time it will be far too late.
She will never get rid of the smell.

[Getitwright]

Mashed up kippers into the air vent, wipe clean. Follow this with some sour milk, wipe clean all evidence.

[Butterymuffin]

As a few pp have said, you need the super sticky labels that only come off after loads of soaking and scraping at the windscreen. Parking fine companies use them.

[justcly]

Charge her. Leave a note on her windscreen informing her that she is in a private parking space and the fee is £10 per minute. Then type up a bill and inform her that you will follow up through the County Court if she doesn't pay. Perfectly legal.

[Squigean]

Have you ever applied suncream then touched the paintwork on your car? Well it doesn't come off, a suncream hand print or a message reading "I'm a parking wanker" just never goes away. Just in case you didn't know.

As for the parking issue, take a picture of the car and follow her into the shop, loudly explain to the shopkeeper that this same car keeps parking in your private car parking space, does he or she know who's car it is? Would they display a printed picture with a polite message asking them to cease and desist.

[manicmij]

Get a bollard but leave it down until she parks in the space then nip down and put the bollard up blocking her in. When she comes back and complains tell her Oh didn't notice my space wasn't empty. Yes, I'll take it down, won't be long, then go back to your flat/ go down your road for 20 making her wait. Will take a bit of organising but so worth it.