To ask for a way to irritate woman parking in my spot?

[Solasshole]

Background, I live in a flat above a shop. My flat has it's own parking spot that I pay for. Despite this a entitled prick of a woman lady keeps parking in my spot. She has been told many times not to, but continues to do so. She understands it is private parking but doesn't care and says "I'm just leaving" or "I wont be long"

So, help me think if a suitably irritating thing I can do to her next time it happens? Nothing illegal obviously. Perhaps upending a nearby recycling bin all over her car

What can I do to teach her a lesson seeing as she clearly gives no fucks about what shes doing

(Cant be bothered with putting up a penguin bollard, also cant block her in as it would mean I would be blocking a road to do so. Just something that would annoy her...)

Take a photo of her car while it’s parked there, make a poster with a sarcastic message on it and ask the shop if you can stick it in the window for everyone to see. Obviously not anything abusive or crass but something sarcy and embarrassing should do the trick.

She was enraged while everyone else in the office silently cheered.

Why wouldnt you tell her it served her right?

Does she go into one shop or many? If it's the one I would speak to the shop owner and keep doing it as they possibly won't want to upset the residents and may speak to their customer

Because she is the deputy head and she is a fucking spiteful bitch.

Ignore all the stupid advice that will likely see you end up with the Police knocking on your door. Legal channels are your only option.

"no responsibility can be taken for anyone parking in this space" sign - than you have free range of what can "accidently" fall on her car -like glass paint on the window screen (demonic grin)

How about emptying a tin of sardines on the vent intake, neatly so she doesnt notice them, she's bound to put the heater on at this time of year.

Lipstick on the windscreen with definition of private parking. It's a pain to wash.

Flick a dollop of vaseline right in the centre of the drivers side of the windscreen. With any luck she'll try to use her wipers to get it off and smear it.
It takes a lot of soap and elbow grease to get that shit off

Honestly, I'd be really careful. You don't want to end up in bother.

@Yetanotherwinter none of us are seriously suggesting these ideas - what we are trying to do is have a laugh with op -or a least I am - but this is irritating & it simple isn't fair

A friend had a similar problem.

After the same "I'll just be a minute" response, she used full nappies & swiped them across all the windows.
I'm not recommending this, but it didn't happen again.

I had a similar situation when I first moved out of home. It's a shame the parking spaces dont have chains and padlocks otherwise, I found this a very useful option ...

Other options might include:

• getting some adhesive signs (but one that will come off) but leaving a residue. Private Parking, please dont park in these private spaces. *Contacting your management company to request a sign be put up saying private parking, clamping in operation (though the laws have changed, it still may warn some off) *Maybe someone could let down the tyres.

I love the Vaseline and glitter idea.

Wrap her car in clingfilm?

No damage but very inconvenient.

Peanut butter is another option.

My dad used to stick a potato up the exhaust pipes of the members of the local religious meeting's cars when they blocked him in on a Sunday

Glitter in the air vents. Will make a royal mess when she puts the blowers on!

At one job I had, we had problems with people parking in the staff car park and staff not being able to park.

They had some A5 sticky labels printed, saying "Private Parking - Please Do Not Park Here Again". The labels were very sticky: they would come off eventually without leaving a mark, but you could only pick off a tiny bit at a time.

First time offenders would find one just tucked, not stuck, under their windscreen wiper. If they did it again, it would be stuck to the window in the driver's door, so they could drive home with the window down or pick it off there and then if they preferred.

On the 3rd offence, the label would be stuck to the widscreen itself, so that the CF had to scrape it off so they could see to drive away.

No-one ever did it a 4th time.

I worked for a county council, in the legal department. The label deterrent was dreamed up by the council's chief legal officer.

nothing illegal, including tyre letting down.

just a pain in the arse. so use your bins to put behind her. or a box full of junk. or lots of notes all over her car. pain in the arse to take off.

you need to keep it legal but make it a pain for her to jump in and go.

You could cling film it.My colleagues did this to another colleague when it was her birthday. hard to find where it starts and ends took ages to get off.Big catering cling film.

Please. Do. Not. Park. Here. Again. On a4 paper. A sheet per word. Use spraymount to put one on every window, so it takes at least 20 minutes to remove them. Repeat every time.

if she has sticky out door handles you could tie string between them. pain in the arse to unknot. no damage

How about emptying a tin of sardines on the vent intake, neatly so she doesnt notice them, she's bound to put the heater on at this time of year.

I was thinking similar but prawns.

However, sardines are much more econ

Take a photo and cover part of the number plate (just to cover yourself legally) and post on local Facebook pages saying not sure who this car belongs to, but just so you know I’ve bought a clamp and it will be used until official clampers arrive.