To ask for a way to irritate woman parking in my spot?

[Solasshole]

Background, I live in a flat above a shop. My flat has it's own parking spot that I pay for. Despite this a entitled prick of a woman lady keeps parking in my spot. She has been told many times not to, but continues to do so. She understands it is private parking but doesn't care and says "I'm just leaving" or "I wont be long"

So, help me think if a suitably irritating thing I can do to her next time it happens? Nothing illegal obviously. Perhaps upending a nearby recycling bin all over her car

What can I do to teach her a lesson seeing as she clearly gives no fucks about what shes doing

(Cant be bothered with putting up a penguin bollard, also cant block her in as it would mean I would be blocking a road to do so. Just something that would annoy her...)

Put something on it that won't damage it. Like fairy liquid or yoghurt.

Make it very inconvenient for her.

www.halfords.com/motoring/car-security/car-security/halfords-wheel-clamp-lock?istCompanyId=b8708c57-7a02-4cf6-b2c0-dc36b54a327e&istFeedId=367c5610-f937-4c81-8609-f84582324cd6&istItemId=iwmqwxmxp&istBid=t&_$ja=tsid:94971|cid:1597776703|agid:59288237886|tid:pla-601931313560|crid:303053191864|nw:g|rnd:8092455083836974167|dvc:t|adp:1o1|mt:|loc:1006959&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI88PzgbHH5gIViLHtCh0LZQAFEAQYASABEgL-rvD_BwE

A £25 pound investment. Leave a note to say it though so she doesn't damage the car is she doesn't see it.

If you know a bunch of strong people ( weight lifters /rugby team etc ) they could lift and move the car to somewhere impossible to drive out of ( sorry this is a bit of a long shot - and probably illegal - ignore me !)

Isn't lipstick really hard to clean off?
I'd write over her windscreen:
Private car space

Write on her windscreen in lipstick.

All these daft responses about clamping and towing - if in the UK, these have been illegal since 2012 here.

Perhaps you could use one of the private enforcers like Parking Eye - they are now legal and can issue her with a sizable invoice for parking there on your behalf.

No entitled twat like her is going to be bothered by minor irritants.

Make her windscreen wipers stick out, front and back. Very childish but makes the owner look a dick

Pour egg in her air intake

Pritt stick is handy for putting notes on windscreens, big notes that say 'Private Parking only'. It doesn't cause damage but it is a bit sticky.

Could you push her car out of the space with yours so that it ends up somewhere where it will get a ticket?

Put a parking penalty notice on it. You can get some that look real.

Or get a bollard, then she will park in someone else's space.

I would take a red wax candle to her windscreen and write upon it

STOP PARKING HERE YOU DOLLOP

Does she aLeary’s go to the same shop? Go in, make a proper scene (channel your amazing dram thing) and stamp up and down. Tell her you’ll call the police next time.

Get a4 labels
Print a notice on them Do not park here authoritised parking only, or whatever
Stick on drivers side of windscreen
Repeat as may times as necessary

She will have to remove it to drive off

You are doing this because you've left notes on paper but they're obviously blowing away so you're using labels to ensure the message gets across.

If I needed to park there I would pull up next to her car and just honk the horn until she came out. Pretty embarrassing.

Block her in.

When I lived in London, a woman kept parking in my disabled bay to collect her child. I asked her nicely to not park there but she persisted so I double parked blocking her in. She went berserk, screaming through the letterbox because I said no, I wouldn't move my car. I moved it the following morning and she never parked on my bay again.

I'm afraid I went out and yelled like a fishwife at the person that had taken to parking in my driveway for the school run. For about five minutes. She didn't come back.

The other thing I did was park up behind them and then go elsewhere, coming back when I was good and ready. They got very antsy about that. It might have had something to do with the fact they were there making a drug deal however.

Block her in, then go out for the day on foot.

What about the banana in the tail pipe!!??

I said no, I wouldn't move my car. I moved it the following morning

I LOVE you!!

A liberal dusting of Smash instant mashed potato on the roof of the car will congeal nicely in damp weather. By the time she returns it will either look like a shepherd’s pie or a bukkake scene depending on the rainfall.

Does your area have a local Facebook group or similar? Show her up on there with photos.
Stick something in her exhaust pipe.
Glue on her wipers.
Let a tyre down.
Get the shop to use their speaker to announce the person with X car needs to move it immediately.
Lay down in front of it and claim hit and run (mostly joking).
Can you tell this happened to me for months and I spent a lot of time plotting revenge
I sent a big muscly friend to have a word in the end and it never happened again.

Could you lay down in front of the car, with a note attached to your chest to say:

"Just having 40 winks in my car parking space"

Put a bollard on the space

Pritt Stick etc is slow to dry so wouldn't be much of an inconvenience. You need artists spray mount. Rymans etc sell it.
Big A4 note with PRIVATE PARKING spray mount it to the windscreen. It will come off but will be a bugger to remove without soaking it.

Any of the suggestions that involve writing or sticking something on her windscreen work - it does no permanent damage but she’ll have to clean it off before she drives anywhere. She probably won’t risk it twice.

The problem is she knows where your car is parked so she can retaliate if she’s so inclined. So really the penguin bollard is the best option.

Plastic zip ties with a couple of falconry bells attached and find somewhere not immediately noticeable to ziptie them too. She won't notice straight away until she's driving along wondering where the irritating jingling is coming from ....