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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I warned him, and it's his own fault.

345 replies

DieHardISaChristmasFilm · 21/12/2019 12:34

DS is 2 weeks old. I'm BF and hungry constantly. I also had gestational diabetes for the last 10 weeks if pregnancy so very limited carbs.

Last night I wanted fish and chips. DH has unfortunately inherited a bit of competitive under eating from his mother (oh that's me done for the day if there's a big lunch- this is never actually true!) So I was very specific with my order, and being hungry.
He arrives home with a fish each, but one single chips (not even a large one) to go between me, him and DD. He also missed out the curry sauce Xmas Angry
I served up for myself and DD leaving almost no chips for him, then told him it wad his own bloody fault and he needed to go back to the shop if he wanted chips. He's been sulking since last night. WIBU? He knows how much I hate the meager little portions when we go to his parents, it shouldn't be too much to ask for a reasonable portion if chips, esp while breastfeeding!

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/12/2019 13:57

The issue isn’t really whether or not your request was too much food; it’s him playing food police that is the problem.
You are an adult woman and you can choose how much food you want to eat. It is not for him to second guess and decide to restrict your food intake to what he thinks is appropriate.

OlaEliza · 21/12/2019 13:59

🙄 Drabarni

NCasIknowMNetters · 21/12/2019 14:00

YADNBU. For all the reasons above.

My DH thinks I was unreasonable a few years back - EBF a 1 month old hungry baby (never lost ANY baby weight that one, tall and slender 9 yo now) when we went to his sisters for Xmas... the Crown Princess of Penis Portions (MIL being the queen).

There were no snacks provided. I know some people would say they aren't necessary, but they bloody well are when you're expecting lunch at 3pm ish, and SIL doesn't put the roast potatoes in the oven until 7pm when an aunt insisted she got on with it. We didn't eat Xmas dinner until 9pm.

Had I mentioned EBF a hungry 1 month old. Thank all that is good on this green Earth that my sister had given me one of those huge trays of Thorntons Chocolates. I hid it under the pile of coats in the spare room and kept nipping up to stuff my face. DH says IWBU not to share with him as he was starving too.

midsomermurderess · 21/12/2019 14:03

I wondered how long it would take before the issue he always so controlling' posts would start. Not, as it turns out, long.

Lulualla · 21/12/2019 14:08

@NCasIknowMNetters

Sorry but how could a whole family sit there for 5 hours after expected eating time without going "where the fuck is dinner?!?". Five hours until the aunt told her to do it!! How does that happen??

BreconBeBuggered · 21/12/2019 14:08

Bum, I hit YABU when my hand slipped scrolling. Of course YANBU.

midep · 21/12/2019 14:10

Not enough chips is a good excuse to have huge portions of bread and butter as well, so not a total disaster.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/12/2019 14:12

I'd be the size of an elephant if I ate a full bag of chips, but shared with dc, so one adult and 2 kids would be about right.

Maybe 2 bags would have been too much, but you could have the full bag and him share with the kids I suppose.

Aside from the fact that chip shop portions vary dramatically and OP presumably knows what her own local chip shop serves, this really isn't a thread about how much somebody 'should' be eating - it's about an adult (one who is BFing, at that) ordering the food that she wants for herself and another adult deciding that she doesn't know her own mind and should be simply overruled.

If he wanted to query it beforehand, there wouldn't have been any problem, but he didn't - he just assumed he knew best and could control her.

"So that would be two portions between us - will that be too much, or should we just share one? We don't want to waste lots."
"No, I can definitely eat a whole portion myself, thanks - I'm really hungry, especially as I'm currently BFing, so I need to eat more for that anyway."
"OK, then, not a problem - I'll order what you asked for and then add my own order to it."

Not difficult.

Lulualla · 21/12/2019 14:12

*4 hours before saying anything!!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 21/12/2019 14:12

Maybe 2 bags would have been too much, but you could have the full bag and him share with the kids I suppose.

Or maybe the OP could get what she, an adult woman, asked for?

Too many chips is always better than too few. One small chips between two adults is ridiculous enough, but expecting to feed a child from that as well is barmy.

Let him sulk, OP. He decided by default that he didn’t need any chips when he bought too few. His fault, not yours.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 21/12/2019 14:13

OP I nominate you as my Woman of The Year! I am very proud of you...proper right and correct way to handle a procarious chip situation! I too cannot be bothered to play mind games ...well done you!!

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 21/12/2019 14:14

I was also thinking that you must have a chippie that serves mean portions!

Me too! One "regular" (it's either regular or large at our chippy) is plenty for me, 18 year old DS2 and 13 yo DD. We are absolutely not "competitive under eaters" (which is something I've only ever heard of on MN).

That said, YANBU, OP. If there weren't enough chips, you get priority.

BillieEyeIash · 21/12/2019 14:16

Oh god I remember when DD was a BF baby being invited to (now ex) DP's sisters for a buffet on Boxing Day.

"Don't have lunch before you come", she trilled.

Readers, there was fuck all food.

6 veggie samosas.

3 part baked mini baguettes.

Some sliced turkey.

Some pickled cabbage.

6 mince pies.

BETWEEN 6 ADULTS!

And I'm a veggie which she knew. I had 2 samosas and she started going on about me eating a lot!

NCasIknowMNetters · 21/12/2019 14:17

Lulualla

I know right! SIL and BIL actually went out for a couple of hours in the afternoon (leaving the rest of us babysitting their 3 DC) to have a 'quick' drink with their neighbours who presumably fed them 'nibbles' so they weren't hungry

The whole family dynamic is a bit weird and DH really needs to sign up as a member of the Stately Homes threads. I wasn't going to wade into that quagmire. Plus I had my chocolates. This wasn't all that unusual. We'd eaten a thumping full-English type brunch as you NEVER turned up to their house hungry.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/12/2019 14:19

I wondered how long it would take before the issue he always so controlling' posts would start. Not, as it turns out, long.

Why ever wouldn't people ask if he was always so controlling, when the OP discusses concerning controlling behaviour and tells us that he already exhibits an unhealthy eating obsession, quite likely as a result of his having been brought up by a controlling parent?

What would you call it if not controlling - when a grown adult places an order and is summarily overruled by the person collecting the order?

How would you feel if you'd ordered a dozen packages from Amazon for all your Christmas shopping and the delivery man kept six of them back from you because he thought you'd already bought enough?

joystir59 · 21/12/2019 14:19

Small portions of chips are enough for anyone. Are you fat by any chance and DH thin?

MsChnandlerBong · 21/12/2019 14:19

My ex husband was like this. Absolutely obsessed with competitive eating. We once went out for a meal and I ordered what I wanted. He got up from the tsble saying he was going to the loo but actually went and amended my order as he thought I'd chosen too much. That was honestly the moment I knew I was going to divorce him!

MsChnandlerBong · 21/12/2019 14:19

Oh do fuck off Joy.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 21/12/2019 14:19

Chips should always be over-ordered, surely? Our "local" (next island) takeaway does really huge portions, so one bag between two adults is genuinely plenty, but we always order one bag extra (ie 4 bags between the six of us) because we all love heated-up chips in a sandwich the next day. There is no waste involved at all.

PoultryBallot · 21/12/2019 14:22

My otherwise lovely mil does this, she even cancelled the extra chips when she went to collect after I had ordered and paid for them. I am very proud of you op, I meekly share. Well I'm not going to ever again.

fedup21 · 21/12/2019 14:25

Small portions of chips are enough for anyone. Are you fat by any chance and DH thin?

But the DH got ONE small portion of chips between 3 people!

Skinnychip · 21/12/2019 14:26

Maybe he mistook you for the family on the other thread where a small bag of chips feeds a family of 4 ....? 🙄

Lweji · 21/12/2019 14:26

I'm thin, barely above underweight now, and chips is one food I can eat a decent portion of. Nobody has the right to change down my order, or assume I was fat for wanting a full portio, FFS.

CheshireChat · 21/12/2019 14:26

This thread is mega U as I'm now craving proper chips from a chippy Angry.

It doesn't matter how big or small the OP is, she's an adult who can choose how much she wants to eat

XXcstatic · 21/12/2019 14:29

Can you imagine if men breast-fed? There would be government-run deliveries of free food at least 3 times a day, and breast-feeding leave for the duration.

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