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Original poster

To think, you don't send a 14yr old to a party with alcohol?

218 replies

christmasandcounting · 20/12/2019 21:01

Why would people do this? Child has been invited to a party with other kids of the same age. All the parents are giving them booze to bring with them? WTH? Why would ppl do this? They are CHILDREN!

OP posts:
misspiggy19 · 21/12/2019 16:22

I couldn’t care less if this was the done thing in the 80s or 90s.

14 is too young.

insanecandycorn · 21/12/2019 16:34

I think that 14 seems very young however at 14/15 I remember drinking alcohol at parties, my mum would allow me to have a hooch but never any spirits.

I think you have to have boundaries for alcohol but I know of instances whereby teens have been unable to get alcohol for parties and have taken drugs instead as they're more accessible for them.

HelloDulling · 21/12/2019 16:42

I've worked in pubs and bars for a decade. As a poster previously said, it's fairly obvious who hasn't been allowed a drop before turning 18. Every order is different as they don't know what they like and they go overboard. They have no idea when to stop.

I agree with others that the ones who are never allowed to drink are the ones who go overboard as soon as they hit 18. We spent the first year at university constantly picking these types out of the gutter, carrying them to bed, making sure they got back to the dorm safely.

Both these statements may be correct, but if the experiments/mixing/getting hammered and needing to be helped home is all going to happen, I think I’d prefer it to be when my DD is an 18 year old not a 14 yr old. Why is it better to get it done early? A house with dark bedrooms, full of drunk Year 9s and 10s, sounds too risky, never mind the dangers around brain development.

LynetteScavo · 21/12/2019 17:32

There's a big gap between sending a 14 yo off to a party with alcohol and a teenager not having any drinks before uni.

There's the whole of sixth form to discover your favourite tipple. No need to start at 14. Why not 13 or 12?!!

FannyCann · 21/12/2019 17:43

Also @lyralalala I'm glad you helped show the girl she can have fun without being pissed. It's an important messsge.

But I would definitely lose my shit at this: but doesn’t see an issue that her daughter has been carted from parties twice in an ambulance from alcohol over consumption.

A year or so ago there was a story in the Mail about new students who had a chart in their uni flat keeping a tally of who had to be carted off to hospital in an ambulance the most. I'm sure my DDs didn't need the lecture but just in case they were left in no doubt I would be appalled and insist they send apologies and financial compensation to the hospital in question or they could forget any parental help with uni.

But I do understand it's tricky in a small village, avoiding giving offence tends to make for an easier life. Biscuit

lyralalala · 21/12/2019 21:56

@FannyCann Her attitude to her daughter being hospitalised is staggering to me. It’s frightening that someone could be so callous

I don’t avoid offence for an easy life so you can keep your biscuit. I deal with my kids the way I do because we live in a small village where a lot of parents give their kids a lot of money and even more freedom

My kids are mixing with people with easy access to vodka and spirits (and drugs are becoming more of an issue by the year) and who are bored because more and more places have closed

My life would be easier if I just said no, didn’t bother being the one that ferried the kids around, wasn’t the one with the house full of teens constantly, but by putting the effort in my kids are learning that they don’t have to be blotto to have fun and any experimentation they do do is at home and supervised

FannyCann · 21/12/2019 22:24

I don’t avoid offence for an easy life so you can keep your biscuit
I do apologise - I only meant that for all my talk about saying my piece I more often bite my tongue in the interests of a peaceful life.

Parents who give their children too much money and too much freedom make it very difficult for others to establish and keep their boundaries. I grew up near a certain agricultural college, and lots of those young members of the landed gentry had far too much money and too fast cars. Plus alcohol/drugs. I have a small list of associated deaths I can enumerate.
It has definitely shaped my views on drugs/alcohol/teen driving.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/12/2019 00:18

Those of you who worked in the pub trade and say its clear who wasn't allowed a drop how the fuck do you know? Do you ask them? Do you ask them their drinking history prior to 18?

Actually in one case I do! I ran my local pub for 2 years (BIG mistake!) and I knew the kids who had never been allowed to drink and they were, without fail, the ones that became a bloody nightmare when they turned 18. I had a couple that I had to limit to pints only as they were so bad on anything else, going across the optics til they passed out, and a couple more that were barred altogether. The ones who had been allowed to drink did still drink and yes they did still get drunk sometimes but nowhere near as often and no where nearly as bad. They were also the ones who would stick the lower alcohol drinks such as lager, or maybe have 2 G&Ts all night rather than nailing the shots etc.

mummycubs · 22/12/2019 00:33

My mum knew for a fact that my siblings and I would find a way to get alcohol to get in on the fun even if our parents forbade us from drinking, so she used to buy our alcohol for us. She knew what we were drinking then, how much we were drinking, and my dad would pick us up whatever time it was or make sure we were staying over safely so that we weren't wandering the streets. I think that this approach to rather taboo subjects like relationships, drinking, sex etc.. really made the relationship that I have with my parents today and I will definitely be continuing this when my children are old enough to start experiencing things. Obviously you do what you think is right, it's your child, but in my experience, the more you say no, the more they'll want to try it.

Deadringer · 22/12/2019 00:39

I am on my fourth teen, and it's a no way from me.

passthebucky · 22/12/2019 00:52

Mine are 17,17,15 now but they've been going to party since they were 13/14. If they've asked I always bought them alcohol simply because they will get it regardless of wether I buy it for them or they have some off theirs friends which will mean they will be mixing their drinks. I'm not saying I got them vodka but just simple drinks like wkd ect. When my son was 15 he got absolutely wasted at a party on vodka that his friend had because he didn't take his own, he was throwing up everywhere and had a hangover for 2 days, he would never get in that state again because he has said it was the worst 2 days of his life Grin kids need to learn from their mistakes and know their boundaries otherwise they will never have a healthy relationship with alcohol when they get older. Jesus my parents forbid me to drink at their age and I was standing in the street asking people to buy me it, I'd then take my bottle of mad dog 20/20 up the weir and get hammered right next to a lake and I could barely swim, so would of been dead if I'd have fallen in. I've found that because I let my kids drink they don't really want it and on some occasions have gone to party's and not felt the need to drink because they don't like the hangovers. If you make it forbidden then they'll want it more, that's how it was in my experience anyway.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 22/12/2019 01:02

I wouldn't bat an eyelid at 14 year olds having alcohol at a house party to be honest! Not to the extent of getting paralytic, of course. At the very least, it’s a house party with their mates rather than them being out in a dodgy club with randoms so it’s theoretically a safer environment.

I certainly did the same when I was in school.

The weirdest party was someone’s “sweet 16”. Her parents went out for the evening to accommodate the party, but her dad came home at around midnight with his drunk friends? They (including her married dad) then started flirting with said 16 year old party guests, so weird and creepy.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/12/2019 01:29

A PP said that some of us are acting as if learning about alcohol is a life skill, it really is!

Learning what it does to you, how damaging it can be, what the effects are, of course its a life skill, not having it can literally kill you! As long as alcohol is legal in this country, we need to be teaching kids about it in a measured non hysterical way rather than banning it altogether and hoping they dont die after mainlining a bottle of vodka on their 18th.

As I said above, I believe that not teaching them about it is far more irresponsible parenting than giving them a couple of beers at 14.

Oliversmumsarmy · 22/12/2019 01:55

How am I meant to teach my children about drinking alcohol when I don’t drink.

A life skill is something that you need to learn that is part of everyday life like how to cook or how to drive.

Drinking isn’t exactly a necessary part of everyday life. You can live without it and it won’t impact your life for the worse.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/12/2019 02:02

A life skill is something that you need to learn that is part of everyday life like how to cook or how to drive.

As is learning how to have a sociable drink should you choose to without ending up in hospital or dead.

Have you never had an alcoholic drink in your life?

Karwomannghia · 22/12/2019 08:30

You can teach them about it without actively encouraging it, by talking to them about drinking sensibly etc. Just like sex, drugs, personal safety etc you don’t have to partake in everything before time in order to learn about it.

partyhatsoff · 22/12/2019 08:36

Jeffing hell! No it is NOT okay at 14. This just shows how ingrained alcohol is in our culture!
Children, and they are children, this age shouldn’t be drinking alcohol. I don’t care how much they want to or how they’re going to try to get it themselves. At that age there’ll be plenty of them who don’t really want to anyway. FFS.

LynetteScavo · 22/12/2019 08:42

To those of you giving your young teenagers alcohol also provide drugs because they've only going to get them anyway? Do you make sure the weed they're smoking is good quality?

Not getting totally pissed is a life skill many adults haven't managed to acquire despite starting drinking at a young age.

QuickstepQueen · 22/12/2019 09:50

You teach them not to do shots one after another...this is really quite important - you teach them to pace themselves, you tell them not be mix their drinks. My kids found it weird when I explained this to them at 14, but I know that I will not always be there when they make decisions and it's not something they would give any thought to and may end up amongst company doing shots and I want them to know it will end in a really shitty night hugging the great white porcelain god! And while I am not keen on them getting drunk at all, I do want them to know I will be at the of the phone, helping them stay safe/get safe if they do get drunk.

Oliversmumsarmy · 22/12/2019 09:59

PyongyangKipperbang

I have tried alcohol and found what some would call sociable drinking (glass of wine, 1/2 of lager) has me dancing on the tables.

The room spins if I have a liqueur chocolate.

I really can’t drink.

I know I was told years ago I have some syndrome, can’t remember it’s name. One of dds friends mum has the same thing.
We both give alcohol a wide birth

QuickstepQueen · 22/12/2019 10:04

I know I was told years ago I have some syndrome, can’t remember it’s name. One of dds friends mum has the same thing. Asian flush?

Oliversmumsarmy · 22/12/2019 10:09

You don’t need to drink.

You don’t need to learn how to drink

As studies have shown teaching children that they need to learn to drink at a young age produces more problem drinkers than saying no.

Whilst some might want to drink, if no parent was handing it out and normalising drinking and considering that you don’t need to drink then the children might not get their hands on alcohol at all.

BloodyBastardBrexit · 22/12/2019 10:10

@Jossina, brilliant article. Thanks. I’m a teetotaller. This seems to invalidate any discussion about alcohol with friends or my teens!

fairynick · 22/12/2019 10:12

I was always sent to a party with alcohol my mum bought me. She’d rather buy me a bottle of alcopop than me try and get my hands on alcohol from someone’s older siblings/a random adult going into the shop and end up drinking high percentage spirits.
Teenagers are always going to drink, it’s better to know what they’re drinking.

Oliversmumsarmy · 22/12/2019 10:17

asian flush I don’t go red in the face or have the nausea but I do know how I react to alcohol isn’t normal

None of my family are drinkers, maybe because when they were younger they tried it once or twice and it never agreed with them.

I am a mixed bag.
(North African/Central European and a few other different countries thrown in the mix via gps) so it could well be why I can’t drink.

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