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Original poster

To think, you don't send a 14yr old to a party with alcohol?

218 replies

christmasandcounting · 20/12/2019 21:01

Why would people do this? Child has been invited to a party with other kids of the same age. All the parents are giving them booze to bring with them? WTH? Why would ppl do this? They are CHILDREN!

OP posts:
minesagin37 · 21/12/2019 06:40

This happened to my daughter a couple of weeks ago. Three of the parents bought alcohol for all the girls. My dd felt unhappy but said she felt under pressure to drink. One of the girls drank too much and had to be put in the recovery position at a party. Myself and another parent were really unhappy that these parents bought alcohol for my child and hers without any discussion. I think it's slack to be honest.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 21/12/2019 07:25

YANBU, it wouldn’t even enter my head to send a child to a party with alcohol.

I hate the normalisation of alcohol. It’s not good health wise and I don’t want my children thinking it’s a normal part of daily life or that you can’t enjoy yourself without it.

Juliette20 · 21/12/2019 07:31

DD1 is 14 and she has recently been at parties with older teenagers where they had brought alcohol, but I would no way send her there with it as if it was normal for her to drink.

GoodbyeRosie · 21/12/2019 07:57

This is incredible..who the fuck gives a 14 year old alcohol and waves them off to party?

Absolutely ridiculous.

drspouse · 21/12/2019 08:05

I used to take things like alcopops, it was nothing major. They'd have never sent me with vodka for instance.

What do people think alcopops have in them?

My DCs are younger but it's a hard no from me.
And yes, I remember being at parties with alcohol when I was a teen. But it was a lot easier to get served in pubs under age then too. There was a huge culture of binge drinking - 1980s. It isn't new.

daisypond · 21/12/2019 08:09

I would not buy alcohol for a 14-year-old to take to a party, though would be OK if she had some there.

Whycantyoulickmyfootmummy · 21/12/2019 08:40

I think there's arguments for both sides. My nan was an alcoholic and my mum put the alcohol fear in me so I never touched it until I was 18 and then went silly.

On the other hand, 14 year olds are children becoming adults and still have childish impulses. Having a drink in the company of adults with a meal is normalising sensible drinking. Letting a group of 14 year olds lose with alcohol at a party runs the risk of drinking to excess and the blacking out and vomiting. I know a family member who sent their child to a party with low strength alcohol. Thought they could trust the adult in charge. They got a pocket dial through which they heard the sounds of projectile vomiting. Family member drives to see if everything is ok and finds a group of highly inhebriated 14 year old in various drunken acts and the parent screaming at them all for being so stupid for not being able to handle a few vodkas. Family member contacted as many of the parents as they could and got them safely home.

It's a difficult choice that needs a lot of thought and trust of all involved.

Northernsoullover · 21/12/2019 08:45

Most people on here are saying that the kids will drink at some point so may as well send them on their way Hmm. Research now suggests that young people are drinking far less these days with many abstaining completely. I know a few teens who think its much cooler to stay sober. My partner's daughter for one. We know she's not doing it sneakily because upon pick up she's clearly sober. She's really proud of it and doesn't talk positively about her peers that throw up or behave badly.

namechangenumber2 · 21/12/2019 08:48

We didn't allow it at 14, but by about 15/nearly 16 we started to allow it. Only one bottle though. I'd rather send him with something than guess at what he's drinking - esp as he has allergies.

It's very much up to the parent though, and I wouldn't think anything of a parent saying no. He recently had his 16th birthday and asked if I'd buy some cider - enough for 1 bottle each- and I said yes on the proviso I'd had a message from all parents to say they were happy with it. Luckily all of DS's friends have the same , one bottle is fine- attitude, so there's no push to move on from that... quite yet!

Oliversmumsarmy · 21/12/2019 08:48

I’m not sure you can predict the results as it depends on such a vast amount of factors both nature and nurture that are out of the parents control

But studies now show you can

The liberal attitude of teaching your child to drink does produce more adults who have a problem with drink.

America has more stringent rules and a higher age restrictions.
Against Europe with its culture of lower age limits and teaching children to drink at a much younger age it doesn’t have such a problem.

FWIW my children had a fantastic childhood. They both say they had an absolute blast.
During term time they both took part in activities

Both are now pursuing careers that are related to one of the activities they did do.

Dd went to a school where the life she led was no different to a lot of her peers.

They all appreciate how much effort it took for us parents to facilitate the weekend competitions with the travel and organisation and the lessons involved.

They did have the holidays to go out with their friends or I took them out for days here and there and there was always the theme parks to spend days at a time in.

I knew exactly where they were at all times and I knew the other children and parents involved.

Northernsoullover · 21/12/2019 09:02

This is interesting. We are worse than Spain but 'better' than France for teen drinking rates. France is often cited as having a wonderful relaxed attitude towards young people having a small wine with dinner Hmm well it clearly isn't doing much good to the French.
www.drinkaware.co.uk/research/data/comparisons/

Karwomannghia · 21/12/2019 09:04

Ds is 15 and dd is 13 (y9). I can’t imagine giving them alcohol to take somewhere ever. Ds isn’t like that though and nor are his friends, a bottle of coke is a treat for him! But no I wouldn’t give them any and show approval of it. If they have it illegally it won’t by with my help.

RoonyTunes · 21/12/2019 09:05

New guidelines are about to be released here (Aus) around "safe" alcohol limits. The guidance on teenage drinking used to be "delay as long as possible", it will now be "no alcohol for under 18s" due to it's impact on brain development. I have just started sending DD to parties with a couple of cruisers and she is nearly 17. I would prefer not tbh but am realistic and don't want her scrounging off others. At 14 none of her friends were drinking at parties as most of them had to be up super early for sport or surf life saving duty the next morning - parties were parent supervised with everyone collected by an adult at the end of the night. I think kids drink way too early in the UK but having lived there for for many years understand how there is bugger all else to do with such miserable weather.

Oliversmumsarmy · 21/12/2019 09:33

I also think you need to look at what children are drinking.

Judging by a lot of teens it appears more stronger strength stuff like vodka is being consumed rather than lower strength stuff like beer.

I imagine that a lot of alcohol aimed at teen drinkers like WKD which I have seen mentioned a lot is quite sweet.
Which brings up a whole load of problems I have with the drinks industry.

CatteStreet · 21/12/2019 09:34

Bit Shock at the numbers on here thinking this is just fine. Especially at the PP who said teens 'should be learning to drink responsibly' as if it's a life skill like cooking and cleaning and as if you are doomed to a life of binge drinking if you don't start until 16-17+.

NFW would my 14yo be allowed to a party where I knew there would be alcohol. He had a small glass of wine at the party after his confirmation (it's traditional here that your confirmation is when you get your 'first' drink, but the general understanding is that that is strictly a one-off). Regular drinking at 14/15/even 16, absolutely no.

lyralalala · 21/12/2019 09:37

Judging by a lot of teens it appears more stronger strength stuff like vodka is being consumed rather than lower strength stuff like beer.

Vodka is a huge problem here. It cheap, it’s effective (for the kids who think drinking is about getting hammered), and it’s not difficult to drink in terms of taste

It’s the drink of choice among teenagers locally which is frightening

I imagine that a lot of alcohol aimed at teen drinkers like WKD which I have seen mentioned a lot is quite sweet.
Which brings up a whole load of problems I have with the drinks industry.

I think alcopops are dangerous. If my kids are going to drink I don’t want them necking something that doesn’t taste different to a can of Coke

It makes it far too easy to drink far too much

Oblomov19 · 21/12/2019 09:40

I see these threads regularly. I've faced this issue recently.
Depends on the child. If you don't want to, then fine.

My slightly older son keeps wanting to take day one bottle of weak cider to a party. I'm ok with that.

Iwantacookie · 21/12/2019 09:43

I think it depends what your sending a 14 year old with.
A litre of vodka no.
1 or 2 small alcopops yes.
I would much prefer my teens to have a sensible attitude to alcohol.
Ds1 16 doesn't drink. He might have a cider when out with his mates but says he prefers coke (the drink)
Dd 15 has a couple of alcopops here and there. But will always ask.

Oliversmumsarmy · 21/12/2019 09:44

Again cider is quite sweet.

FannyCann · 21/12/2019 09:45

What is the policy of the parent(s) giving the party? A friend was determined to control the alcohol intake at her daughter's party, and was shocked at the amount of alcohol the teens sneaked in. She nearly had to call an ambulance for one and another was very sick in the bedroom, then tried to clear it up using clean towels from the airing cupboard and then tried to hide the evidence by stuffing them back in the airing cupboard. That girl is no longer welcome in her home.

millymoo1202 · 21/12/2019 09:50

I have teens and absolutely no way would I be giving my 14 year old drink and he wouldn’t be interested if I’m honest. My now 19 year old asked at almost 17 for some ciders. We have a huge problem with teens getting absolutely smashed and it seems most parents seem to encourage it!

Ash39 · 21/12/2019 09:53

I'm a bit shocked by the responses on here.
But can someone please clarify something for me.
Is the legal age of drinking in the U.K. not 18?
So is a 14 year old drinking illegal?
If so why are most of you encouraging it?

Cordial11 · 21/12/2019 09:53

My mum always brought my alcohol. It ment she could control what I was having , percentages, amount etc. If she didn’t I would have got it other ways and she wouldn’t have had any control!’

daisypond · 21/12/2019 10:01

Ash38 No, the legal age for drinking alcohol on private premises is five. 18 is the age for buying it.

FireUnderpants · 21/12/2019 10:14

I've worked in pubs and bars for a decade. As a poster previously said, it's fairly obvious who hasn't been allowed a drop before turning 18. Every order is different as they don't know what they like and they go overboard. They have no idea when to stop.

I know when I was younger a lot of my friends were accomplished liars. We regularly had super strength cider and spirits, and their parents thought they had never drunk. The ones with the strictest parents rebelled the most in secret.

I have a 14yr old. Luckily her friendship group seems quite tame so drinking and parties haven't started yet. Their social life out of school appears to take part in Costa coffee.

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