To think, you don't send a 14yr old to a party with alcohol?

[christmasandcounting]

Why would people do this? Child has been invited to a party with other kids of the same age. All the parents are giving them booze to bring with them? WTH? Why would ppl do this? They are CHILDREN!

What is the policy of the parent(s) giving the party? A friend was determined to control the alcohol intake at her daughter's party, and was shocked at the amount of alcohol the teens sneaked in. She nearly had to call an ambulance for one and another was very sick in the bedroom, then tried to clear it up using clean towels from the airing cupboard and then tried to hide the evidence by stuffing them back in the airing cupboard. That girl is no longer welcome in her home.

If you are going to allow it, but want to control it you have to be brutally strict

At my DDs 16th I allowed very limited alcohol (got slated on a thread on here!) and the lack of back up from other parents was my biggest issue

One Mum actually laughed when I said no backpacks. Kids going to a party for a couple of hours don’t need hulking big backpacks. She called me “uptight and precious”, but doesn’t see an issue that her daughter has been carted from parties twice in an ambulance from alcohol over consumption. She actually argued with me that I should allow her DD to bring a 2l bottle of Coke premixed with vodka because she said it was ok, even though I don’t allow anything other than 2/3 single bottles or cans of beer/lager etc

Other parents are your biggest issue when it comes to boozy teen parties

We did this on the 90s but I'm not keen. 14 is too young in my mind. 16 would be ok.

I agree 14 is too young to be actively encouraging them to drink unsupervised at a party - which by sending them on their way with a bottle of something alcoholic provided by you is what you’re doing. Sounds like a some sad person trying to be a ‘cool parent’. Teens will find ways to drink - I think that is part of being a teenager. But parents enabling/encouraging it is odd in my opinion.

lyralalala shocking behaviour from the other Mum. I'm afraid I would have disinvited her daughter, though that could be tricky if she's your DD's best friend. How rude.

Is t it legal to give kids a small amount of alcohol in the home/with food from age 5 or 7 or something?

I think we need to address why if some children initially don’t get alcohol from parents why they then feel the need to get it from elsewhere and why some children don’t have this need for something they have never experienced before.

What makes alcohol something that has to be normalised.

If no parent actually gave their children alcohol I wonder if the need to keep up with peers would be there.

Think it's pretty normal around here - usually a few ciders, I know some kids aren't allowed but the majority are.

I started drinking about that age, but my mother didn't let me, we just did it behind their backs. The trouble with teens having parties now is that they think they're more grown up then they are. My 16 year old step daughter has been going to boar ties for a couple of years now where she obviously has been drinking, and over the summer we recently found out that she has started going out in town with a few of her friends (no idea how they get on these places!) dressing very inappropriately for her age (think toos that barely cover her boobs, very short dresses) and we have also discovered in the last few weeks from another of her friends that she and these girls have been taking coke and ketamine e when they go out! they are 16 years old I couldn't believe it. And this has alm come from both parents being too lenient with alcohol and her going out with her friends

We did this in the 90s. Ks cider or diamond white usually. I hate to think of my dcs doing it (they are 5 and 2 at the moment!) but I expect they will drink at parties when they are older too.

@FannyCann shocking behaviour from the other Mum. I'm afraid I would have disinvited her daughter, though that could be tricky if she's your DD's best friend. How rude.

It’s really tricky as we live in a small village

It’s quite funny as I can’t win with a lot of the other parents as I’m either ridiculously lenient for allowing it at all or unrealistic and ridiculous for trying to have an element of control

The girl came in the end and still had a great time despite being far less drunk than usual. Her Mum even found it funny that I don’t let them drink in my house unless I’ve actually spoken to their parent

Think it's pretty normal around here - usually a few ciders, I know some kids aren't allowed but the majority are.

Same here. If parents send them with a couple of beers it stops them asking older siblings and friends to buy them a bottle of vodka.

I agree with others that the ones who are never allowed to drink are the ones who go overboard as soon as they hit 18. We spent the first year at university constantly picking these types out of the gutter, carrying them to bed, making sure they got back to the dorm safely.

Frankly they were a pain in the arse.

Is the legal age of drinking in the U.K. not 18?

No. 18 is the legal age a shop or pub can sell you alcohol.

16 is the legal age you can have alcohol with a meal in a restaurant.

5 is the age your parents can legally give you alcohol in their own home.

I agree with others that the ones who are never allowed to drink are the ones who go overboard as soon as they hit 18. We spent the first year at university constantly picking these types out of the gutter, carrying them to bed, making sure they got back to the dorm safely.

You say that, but the research appears to suggest otherwise.

Those of you who worked in the pub trade and say its clear who wasn't allowed a drop how the fuck do you know? Do you ask them? Do you ask them their drinking history prior to 18?
Do they stand there and say 'bartender this is the first time I have drunk alcohol. Ten doubles of your finest spirits'?
I drank at home, I drank in the park. I drank in the pub. My being introduced to Mr Woodpecker at home made no fucking difference.

I would be more concerned the parents were in the house and monitoring. It just takes one bright spark to think topping up with a spirit is good for there to be mayhem which a 14 yo can't deal with. And make a lot of people very sick.

I have a 14 year old and I certainly wouldn't be sending her out with alcohol. And it wasn't something I we ever did as teens either.

From dds perspective it is the ones who have parents who taught their children to drink who are the problem drinkers.

You might find that the ones who had the parents who said no to alcohol don’t actually drink at uni but they wouldn’t cross your radar as they wouldn’t really frequent the bar area to the extent that the ones who were brought up expected to drink do.

I didn’t supply at 14. I know ds has drunk at a few parties (age 14-15) but it’s not a regular thing and doesn’t bother me (once every few months).
DD didn’t drink at parties until nearly 16. She just didn’t go to them but at 17 she’s drinking most weekends at parties atm!! Still neither have come home completely drunk and are reasonably sensible.
I’d be much more concerned about drugs and that is not happening in their circles (from what I see and hear). Or at least they don’t get involved.
I didn’t drink socially at 14 but I’d have a sherry or two at home with my mum. She encouraged it!!

From dds perspective it is the ones who have parents who taught their children to drink who are the problem drinkers.

I also think it depends on what kind of drinking - letting a teenager have a beer with a meal or a Prosecco or whatever on special occasions is very different to seeing your parents getting bladdered every weekend and being encouraged to take part. Also turning a blind eye/not minding DCs taking alcohol with them to a party is very different to going out your way to buy it for them and actively sending them off with it as the OP described.

I think 14 is a bit young to have drink away from parents tbh. The odd Baileys at christmas or small glass of wine on a special occasion with family I think is fine from about 12 onwards but only very occasional, just to feel included but not enough to really register.

I was allowed to take a couple of cans of lager to events when I was 16 but never before. Not saying I didn’t drink away from my parents before then though.

I do recognise the double standards at play here though. Nobody would give their 14 or even 16 year old a couple of fags At home or to take to a party yet we do this with drink.

I’m quite cautious to walk a fine line however because DS’s dad is an alcoholic. We don’t live with him and haven’t for years and DS doesn’t see his dad now but DS has seen what it does to his dad. I’m fine with drink, I don’t drink much and can quite happily go without so that is the model that my DS sees from me, so it’s a balance between the knowledge that he might have a genetic predisposition to drink vs modelling a healthy relationship with the booze, not making it mysterious forbidden fruit but not being too free and easy.

14 feels way too young.
Yanbu.

I remember being very surprised by this a few years ago when a colleague said she sent her 15 year old to parties with some beers.

I think the idea was that that was all he would drink, she knew what he was drinking (not spiked though I suppose that's less of an issue for boys) and no spirits.

My son hasn't gone to any parties of that kind yet, not really his scene, so it hasn't been something we've had to deal with. I didn't go to house parties until I went to university and when I was about 17 I occasionally managed to get into a pub using someone else's driving licence in the days before you needed a photo but the first time I got drunk was my 18th birthday.

And then once at college. After that I decided hangovers didn't suit me and I was a lot more careful about how much I drank.

I do it for my 15 year old
I'm glad he asks me rather than being sneaky like I used to be

It's a NO from me 👎