To think, you don't send a 14yr old to a party with alcohol?

[christmasandcounting]

Why would people do this? Child has been invited to a party with other kids of the same age. All the parents are giving them booze to bring with them? WTH? Why would ppl do this? They are CHILDREN!

Im dead nuts against this but it really depends on the individual child. My dd15 would think im ok with her drinkin and would be very much the pain in the ass that would use the "sure you bought me drink that time" to justify drinking with her underage friends so i tend not to go there. In saying that i no parents who will buy their children alcohol or let them have a drink at home.

Apologies. Causal wrong phrase. Omit that. Association yes, but not causal relationship.

I let mine take some, and if she's hosting I'll buy some, but if another parent doesn't like it that's their opinion.

I must be old fashioned, never had a drink until 18, bit surprised by the amount of people that encourage their DC, and yes they might do it underhanded. and you deal with that as well. Children are children learning to be adults, what is the point of coming of age, if you are allowed to smoke, have sex, watch 18 movies, swear & drink alcohol, before you reach the age of consent. No wonder great big 19 and 20 year old galoots act like children.

I mean 14 sounds really young but I remember being that age and thinking I was so grown up. My parents didn't really restrict alcohol and I was always allowed a shandy or a sip of wine (hated it until I was an adult). However they never allowed me to take anything to other people's houses.. the result of this was that I'd have some ofy friends alcohol or stuff their parents/older siblings/cousins got for us!

I never went overboard and only started properly drinking at uni, I rarely touch the stuff now. I really wouldn't bother completely restricting it, teenagers are clever and will find ways to get it but the result will be if they have too much they won't tell you when they're in trouble and they'll probably opt for harder stuff like vodka. No harm in a few wkds/weak cider!

I've worked in the pub trade for years and you can tell at a glance the kid who, on reaching 18, was never allowed alcohol. They are the ones that go insane. Every drink is different because they have no idea what it tastes like or what they like, so invariably they throw up at some point. They have no idea of its effects so drink until they pass out and an ambulance needs to be called. They will also be the ones back again doing it the next weekend.

However there will always be a few there who will order a pint of lager or a WKD or whatever and be happy with that. Sure they will get a bit pissed but they have already learned their lessons with booze in a SAFE way, with adult supervision.

I have done the same with my kids and they drink way less than the friends who werent allowed. At uni especially it was a problem, one very much recognised by student services who said the same as me, it was always the "But you're a CHILD!!!" kids who got into the most trouble.

Frankly imo, letting them get to 18 with absolutely no experience of a potentially lethal drug that is perfectly legal for them to buy and consume is far more irresponsible than giving a 14 year old a couple of beers.

If this was the USA the parents would be in jail! Thank goodness things are a little more measured in the UK

my only just 16 year old asked if he could have some of my cider (4%) the other day, I think he first had some when he'd just turned 15. He's over 6 foot and I think his body can deal with 1/2 a glass of 4% cider.

At a party away from home, no way - not at 14.

If our parents didn’t buy it, we got literally the nearest 18 year old to buy us a bottle of vod to drink straight. At 14

No you don’t. I’ve got a DD14, year 9, and it wouldn’t even occur to either of us.

You do know that it is against the law to supply children with alcohol? And why can’t our kids be ingenious like we were -beg an elder sibling/friend to buy for them -this is so wrong -and illegal -this problem is so common my son’s school actually sent a letter via the local police force explaining the legal position for parents!

I was drinking when I was 14, although my mum didn’t send me with alcohol she knew I buying it (dodgy shop that sold to underage kids) she knew what I was doing, never lied to her. I’ve never been drunk either, I was a responsible drinker and now I don’t drink at all. I think that’s what having alcoholic grandparents does to ya.

chillykiwi his height/weight has nothing to do with his brain still being that of a developing child.

Is this why we have an alcohol problem in this country.

14 is way too young.

I think the later the better. It doesn’t normalise that you can’t go out with out drinking alcohol.

Wtaf am I reading? If any friend of my 14yo child came to my house with alcohol,they'd be calling their parents and going straight back home. I can't believe parents would actively encourage this.

It's legal over the age of 5, although of course not recommended to regularly supply your 6 year old with a couple of beers it was about Year 9/10 in my area when people started experimenting a bit at parties. I have vague memories of sharing a bottle of Lambrini between 4 of us at a friend's party... alcoholeducationtrust.org/parent-area/alcohol-and-the-law/

It is illegal to buy alcohol with the single intent to supply it to a child.

It is NOT illegal for a child over the age of 5 to consume alcohol in the home, with the parent buying it for themselves and allowing their child to have some.

Sending the child to a party with 2 cans of cider is yes, strictly speaking illegal but I think you will struggle to find a social worker or police officer who will care.

It’s not illegal for age 5-17 to drink alcohol on a private residence or at home.
It is illegal to buy alcohol for a child.
I’m not sure whose alcohol the child is supposed to drink given those two facts. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My anecdata suggests letting teens have a few drinks while they are at home with friends and parents can help them to drink sensibly on the odd occasion.

I was doin e’s hash and speed at 14, when my kid wants a Kopperberg (he’s 17) on a Friday night with his dinner I’m quite relieved.

I'd sooner give ds something than drink an unknown cocktail of drinks.
Tbh it's not happened yet. But we let him have an odd drink at home or if having a meal out.

I am so glad my dc are older. I would never have agreed to alcohol for a 14yr old.

Is there something you can look at together on Youtube? Then ask dc if they still want to take alcohol with them. Tell them it is ok to say no, even if every single one of their friends is trying something. If they still want to take alcohol with them(don't want to look different) then you can have a hard look at the alcohol content and decide what, if anything, you will buy. Maybe those continental bierre's. Glad I'm not you OP.

We went for a meal and ds at the bar when ordering food cheekily said oh mum ill have a bottle of becks.. The car staff said he can have an alcoholic drink with his meal but had to be a glass not a bottle? He chose vodka and lemonade.. They gave it to him.

Opinions always vary wildly on this. 16 probably ok, 14 no way. Let's not perpetuate the idea that going out has to equal drinking alcohol... especially not at 14 fgs. For those who think it's ok at 14- why not at 13,??

I'm with you, OP. 14 is too young and there is no need for it. I'm so grateful that my 14yo dd and her friends aren't into into that whole scene. They manage to have loads of fun without it.

My friend's teenage dd already has the beginnings of what looks like a serious alcohol problem. She started drinking with her mates at around 13/14 and got herself into some pretty hair-raising situations.

I think a lot depends on your experience

My parents were alcoholics and drug addicts. My grandparents (who brought me up from 7) were teetotal and despised alcohol.

I grew up with a very warped view of alcohol. We live in a place where there is a huge problem with bored teenagers and cheap vodka (plus what would previously have been called 'legal highs')

My teenagers drink at home when they are having a social occasion that involves alcohol. They are 17, 17, 19 and now 20. My house is the teen hangout. They are allowed a set amount of alcohol (only with parental consent - and I speak to the parents, no texts or easily faked Facebook messages). No vodka. No strong spirits. No drinking in the park or by the river.

Thankfully it has worked this far. The 20-year-old only drinks with meals occasionally and prefers a glass of wine to vodka or cocktails. The 19yo doesn't drink at all, neither does one of the 17yos. The other is the type to push boundaries a bit more and tried to rebel against the ban against drinking in the park, but now understands it after a scary incident with a friend of hers.

I think you have to judge your kid, your area, their friends and what they are likely to experience and do what works best for your child.