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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter wearing boys clothes. AIBU?

258 replies

Greydove28 · 20/12/2019 11:06

My daughter (9) just told me as we were leaving for school earlier she had an xmas party and was allowed to bring in party clothes. I said to go grab some clothes quickly and stick in the bag. She grabbed an old football shirt and some jeans. I said what about all the really nice dresses and shoes? She said she is boyish and likes this. I was like ok but feel a bit embarrassed. It was the same when we went to a xmas party at the club last week. She wore an old jumper and not any of the nice new xmas jumpers or trendy clothes- jumpsuits I have bought. My partner thinks I am bu and should just let her wear what she wants. AIBU?

OP posts:

avocadotofu · 20/12/2019 12:44

YABU, let her wear what she wants.

Original poster

Greydove28 · 20/12/2019 12:47

I normally don't have a problem with her wearing black and jeans and hoodies. This is what she likes. However she was told to bring in "party clothes" and I didn't think a football strip and the jeans she picked were appropriate and was worried she would look scruffy. Thanks for all the advice though. I have taken it on board and will speak to her later and try to find out exactly what she likes and doesn't like clothes wise.

OP posts:

koshkat · 20/12/2019 12:48

Being scruffy is underrated OP!
Your daughter sounds pretty cool to me.

cosima1 · 20/12/2019 12:49

kosh - I think the pp was just trying to say that it’s odd to pretend society has no concept of “boys” and “girls” clothes - when clearly it does! Will people be arguing that there’s no such thing as women / men’s clothes shops next and we should all just shop wherever as if we don’t notice?

MrsFogi · 20/12/2019 12:50

YABU - it passes the "why not" test. Children go through wonderful phases for dressing - dd1 would only wear yellow for 6 months (that was particularly embarrassing for me because it looked as though I was dressing her in an assortment of yellows), dd2 wore a cat outfit day and night for over a year, dd1 (when 12) would only wear brown/black/dark green trousers and shorts one summer, dd2 wears a hat with every outfit....etc etc - roll with it they need to find their own style.

FearlessSwiftie · 20/12/2019 12:50

I can understand your worries but its OK for little children to prefer something comfy instead of fance. Dont you worry, I was the same but right now I`m writing this comment wearing a nice skirt, haha

RB68 · 20/12/2019 12:51

Mine at 14 has just started buying what I would term anything girly in the clothes dept she had a really self conscious period where she hid in leggings and sweat tops and finally coming out of it

ThreeAnkleBiters · 20/12/2019 12:51

If it's just her class Christmas party she doesn't need to wear smart clothes - most kids will just wear their favourite T-shirt and jeans. If it was a party where people were likely to dress up I'd insist she dresses smartly but not in a dress if she doesn't want to. Surely she should be choosing her own clothes mainly so if she doesn't like dresses I'd just go shopping with her and let her choose smarter clothes that she feels comfortable in.

koshkat · 20/12/2019 12:51

Will people be arguing that there’s no such thing as women / men’s clothes shops next and we should all just shop wherever as if we don’t notice?

That would be great though wouldn't it?

isseywith4vampirecats · 20/12/2019 12:51

my daughter at this said im not wearing that its a dress went through a very tomboy stage for the next 3 years and now she is the girliest woman you could meet hair dresser every week gel nails the works

ManiacalLapwing · 20/12/2019 12:52

Were any of the boys in football shirts? I would let her choose her own new party clothes. Dark denim jeans and either a new football shirt, or else a nice button up shirt would be fine for a party surely?

MrsKCastle · 20/12/2019 12:53

#Letclothesbeclothes

GingleJangleScarecrow · 20/12/2019 12:55

She isn't wearing boy's clothes. She's wearing her clothes.

BigFatLiar · 20/12/2019 12:59

What she chose does sound a bit scruffy for a party unless there was a chance of rough and tumble where old clothes would be the thing. I think it's more a case of helping her understand what's appropriate for different occasions.

As for those saying clothes are just clothes how quickly would you be on the trans support topics if you found your husband/partner at home in a dress. I used to have a male colleague who wore skirts/dresses at home, thought them practical (especially when he needed a pee). Some clothes are definitely gendered or stigmatized if worn out of the norm).

IncrediblySadToo · 20/12/2019 13:03

Make sure she knows where to look for the rules so that she can plan her next event with confidence.

Did you miss that she’s nine. 🙄

Thestrangestthing · 20/12/2019 13:04

I don't let my kids buy or wear "whatever" they want whenever they want. There's a time and a place for everything, they need to learn.

I agree with this. My oldest ds would have went to his school party with his favourite joggers and a hoodie if I let him. Children do need to learn that they can't just wear whatever they want whenever they want.

SarahTancredi · 20/12/2019 13:06

Scruffy?

Every time we have atge ded a party the girls are all In dresses and boys wear jogging bottoms and t shirts and football kits. Half the boys would have been "scruffy" so why isn't ok for your dd.

In fact having to wear stupid uniforms all the time party clothes really will be comfy clothes the last thi g they wanna do is exchange uniform for some other restrictive so called smart clothing

JustASmallTownCurl · 20/12/2019 13:08

This feels like quite the backtrack. You didn't say you were worried she would look scruffy. Or underdressed. You specifically didn't want her to wear clothes that you see as boys clothes. Coming back and saying it was about scruffiness feels a bit disingenuous.

Lovemusic33 · 20/12/2019 13:11

Why can’t children wear what ever they want when they want? There’s no real dress code for a school disco?
When they are adults no one can tell them what to wear? Obviously for work or school there is a dress code but other than that everyone gets a choice to wear what they want.

I let my dad’s wear what they like, sometimes I will tell them if they look scruffy and to but something a bit better on (if say we are visiting family, going somewhere nice) but generally their wardrobe contains clothes they have chosen.

Poorolddaddypig · 20/12/2019 13:13

YABU

koshkat · 20/12/2019 13:13

As for those saying clothes are just clothes how quickly would you be on the trans support topics if you found your husband/partner at home in a dress.

Up to him tbf. As long as he did not think that this made him in to a woman.

MIdgebabe · 20/12/2019 13:15

Children need to learn that there are rules about clothes.
Adults need to learn that those rules should not depend on the persons sex.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 20/12/2019 13:16

My oldest ds would have went to his school party with his favourite joggers and a hoodie if I let him.

That's a totally appropriate thing to wear to a class party held in a classroom/hall at school. The kids will be running around and should be comfy. If he was the paige boy in a formal wedding obviously it wouldn't do.

Ohyesiam · 20/12/2019 13:18

Of course you should let her wear what she wants.
I think it’s a parents job to back up their children in every benign choice they make. We are supposed to be making them feel good about themselves.

Equanimitas · 20/12/2019 13:19

For a school Christmas party, jeans are way more practical than pretty party frocks.

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