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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter wearing boys clothes. AIBU?

258 replies

Greydove28 · 20/12/2019 11:06

My daughter (9) just told me as we were leaving for school earlier she had an xmas party and was allowed to bring in party clothes. I said to go grab some clothes quickly and stick in the bag. She grabbed an old football shirt and some jeans. I said what about all the really nice dresses and shoes? She said she is boyish and likes this. I was like ok but feel a bit embarrassed. It was the same when we went to a xmas party at the club last week. She wore an old jumper and not any of the nice new xmas jumpers or trendy clothes- jumpsuits I have bought. My partner thinks I am bu and should just let her wear what she wants. AIBU?

OP posts:
RickOShay · 21/12/2019 07:53

@Greggers2017 Grin
I think I’ve got her older sister

cobwebsoncornices · 21/12/2019 08:19

DD likes to be in her oldest, comfiest clothes and so often with holes and the odd stain at all times. We've just had a few chats about looking at the people around her or whatever sex and age and what they're wearing, how clothes can affect someone's first impression of you which can affect their opinion etc, how much I admire her for doing her own thing but sometimes you "pick your battles"
and just follow the herd.
We're now in a position where, if the boys will be in football strips, she wears hers; if the girls will be in athleisure wear, she wears leggings without holes & a t-shirt without stains; if the girls are going to be in sparkly dresses and the boys in shirts and trousers, she will be in leggings and a smarter top. We also spent a lot of time trawling the internet looking for some shoes which don't look like astro boots but still considered acceptable by her and ended up with some silver high tops which she can still run, jump etc in but which do pull her outfit together.

Lweji · 21/12/2019 09:12

Women can now wear pretty much what they want because women before us ignored social codes.
Why would we reinforce old social codes on our girls now!?

NewPapaGuinea · 21/12/2019 09:14

Good for her for not conforming to social stereotypes. You should be proud, not critical.

Pfefferkuchen · 21/12/2019 09:18

It's a fecking class party, not a job interview!!

I still wouldn't let any of my kids dress like a slob in joggers or onesie.
Pretty sure you can find a happy medium without wearing a ball gown, regardless of the gender.

lovepickledlimes · 21/12/2019 09:19

@Lweji but surely even if it was a boy you would hope they put on a smart top or something slightly more of an effort then a football tshirt... It's a school party even boys would put in a little effort.

Lweji · 21/12/2019 09:29

Doubt it.
Particularly in a day time party in a school with uniform.

Smart top at 9 for school... nope. Grin

The poor things already have to wear uniform in the UK. At least let them go as they like for the school party.
Again... 9 year olds.

Lweji · 21/12/2019 09:31

I still wouldn't let any of my kids dress like a slob in joggers

Oh, dear. That's what most of the boys wear at DS's school.

SarahTancredi · 21/12/2019 09:39

What's wrong with jogging bottoms on kids? Kids need to be comfy and to run around and play. That is all kids should be worried about.

I mean who's even going to see them besides the other kids. 399 others who also are in joggers...

There is nothing worse than watching kids sat on the outside of the fun cos their parents made them were ridiculous outfits.

eaglejulesk · 21/12/2019 09:41

YABU. Not all girls are into frilly girly clothes, some would rather be comfortable. She is allowed to have her own tastes, she isn't an extension of you, she has her own personality.

Moominfan · 21/12/2019 09:41

Let her dress However she wants! If you insist girls where certain clothes and only boys wear what she wants to wear....trans rabbit hole ahead

eaglejulesk · 21/12/2019 09:55

Thank goodness I live in a country where people don't really care what others wear!

doritosdip · 21/12/2019 12:59

I still wouldn't let any of my kids dress like a slob in joggers

They are usually more practical than leggings and perfect for kids to run around in.

formerbabe · 21/12/2019 13:08

Thank goodness I live in a country where people don't really care what others wear!

What country is it? I'm massively intrigued

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 21/12/2019 13:10

I absolutely hated the party dresses my mum and gran sent me in. Let her pick her own clothes. It’s far more fun being comfortable

Talltill · 21/12/2019 13:12

Surely this is some joke?

If not, of course YABU.

Poor girl, why are you such an overbearing mother OP? Is there something that you need to prove to yourself and others? Please don't use your poor dd to compensate for your own insecurities and perceived shortcomings, because that is what this is about isn't it?

Your dd should be allowed to choose what clothes you buy her provided they are suitable for the season and her age and she should be allowed to wear what she likes.

Why do you want a frilly child OP?

And I am bit Hmm at jeans and football t-shirt being boys clothes? Do you know that girls can play football and that in the US for instance soccer is seines a 'girly' sport?

YappityYapYap · 21/12/2019 13:12

I was the same at her age, I hated dresses and stuff. As I got older though, I got into make up and dresses and feel comfortable in them now

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 21/12/2019 13:12

I probably wouldn’t have let her go in a football shirt, football shirts are banned at our school but I’d have settled for any other T-shirt and jeans.

Talltill · 21/12/2019 13:13

*seen as a 'girly' sport

Nogoodusername · 21/12/2019 13:18

Let her wear what she wants. My same-aged daughter is not girly either, I sometimes encourage her to look a bit smarter for occasions (eg sports brand leggings!) but otherwise all her clothes are from the boys section and I don’t care! It’s her choice, not mine

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 21/12/2019 13:20

At least it’s a choice. A friend’s sister has dressed her daughter in clothes which are clearly pointed towards boys since her DD was about 12 months old; flat caps, utility pants, waistcoats and dress shirts for occasions.

FWIW I have absolutely no issue with girls wearing “boy’s” clothes at all and I personally mix my daughters’ clothes between the “girls” and “boys” sections; what just bugs me about the example I’m giving is that my friends sister is giving her kid virtually no agency in the matter and now she’s 7 she’s starting to protest against the waistcoats and it’s a battleground at home as DD wants to wear pink and actual “girls’” clothes.

Basically - in summation - beware of dictating what DD is wearing; it will inevitably come back and bite you.

Lweji · 21/12/2019 13:22

I sometimes encourage her to look a bit smarter for occasions (eg sports brand leggings!)

Why do you think having a brand makes her look smarter? Hmm
Or leggings, for that matter.

golfbuggy · 21/12/2019 13:26

I'd be interested for OP to come back and tell us what the rest of the children in her DD's class were wearing.

My money is on more of them going for a jeans/joggers and casual top type ensemble than the sort of "party outfit" OP (and quite a few posters on here) seem to be requiring.

Justcheckingimnotmad · 21/12/2019 13:49

Unless they're fitted over a penis they're not 'boys' clothes, they're just clothes.

RetreatingWeasels · 21/12/2019 13:50

My DD1 refused point blank to wear dresses or even anything remotely smart. As soon as she was 17 she found that actually she liked dressing up. Now in her 30s she wears a range of clothing, like most other people; jeans and converse through to dresses and tights.

DD2 (12) had a non uniform day recently and went to school in a unicorn onesie. Others wore jeans, or miniskirts.

It's a phase.