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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Daughter wearing boys clothes. AIBU?

258 replies

Greydove28 · 20/12/2019 11:06

My daughter (9) just told me as we were leaving for school earlier she had an xmas party and was allowed to bring in party clothes. I said to go grab some clothes quickly and stick in the bag. She grabbed an old football shirt and some jeans. I said what about all the really nice dresses and shoes? She said she is boyish and likes this. I was like ok but feel a bit embarrassed. It was the same when we went to a xmas party at the club last week. She wore an old jumper and not any of the nice new xmas jumpers or trendy clothes- jumpsuits I have bought. My partner thinks I am bu and should just let her wear what she wants. AIBU?

OP posts:

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 20/12/2019 12:22

If the clothes belong to her, then they aren't boys' clothes. They are her clothes. This will only be a huge issue if you make it one.

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 20/12/2019 12:22

She isn't wearing 'boys' clothes, she just doesn't want to wear a dress.

I haven't worn a dress or skirt since the day I left school (we weren't allowed to wear trousers at school). My clothes aren't 'men's' clothes, they're my clothes.

Thingsdogetbetter · 20/12/2019 12:22

I remember being forced to wear party dresses and nice shoes when I between 8 and 12. Everytime I was the only child my age dressed up like a doll. I got teased and humiliated all because my dad wanted me to look like a 'nice' little girl. He too had very strict ideas of what a real girl wore.

Took 30 years before I felt comfortable wearing dresses and heels - so that backfired! Oh the fights we had about Doc Martin's and Mohawks!!

myfuckingfreezer · 20/12/2019 12:23

I think people are missing the point a bit. It's not just about whether she wears 'boy clothes' or 'girl clothes' it's also about whether any kid should be wearing a football stip to a party?

Of course she can wear what she wants and if that's 'masculine' clothes then great, but it doesn't mean she shouldn't look smart when asked to!

aSofaNearYou · 20/12/2019 12:23

I wouldn't get hung up on them being boys clothes but I do think it is reasonable to tell her she needs to wear smart clothes where appropriate. It is something children need to learn.

TrickyKid · 20/12/2019 12:25

You're joking right?

refusetobeasheep · 20/12/2019 12:26

Surely we are beyond girls having to wear so called girly clothes? She can is she likes, but equally let her be if her preference is for something else. No need to label them boy or girls clothes.

Thestrangestthing · 20/12/2019 12:26

I agree with everyone that she should be able to chose the style of clothes she wants to wear, but football shirt at school for a party? Nope! I wouldnt let a boy or girl wear that, they're not allowed to in the schools here anyway.

koshkat · 20/12/2019 12:27

She is 9 FGS! Let her be a child and wear what she wants.

goldfinchfan · 20/12/2019 12:28

I was the same as a young girl I hated dresses.

I am still preferring not to be dressed up except rarely.
Does it matter?

BillHadersNewWife · 20/12/2019 12:28

A lot of girls these days are wearing more gender neutral clothing from about 9 onwards. My DD is 11 and most of her friends wear oversized hoodies. Some even shop in the men's department to get really big t shirts.

I think it's a rather wonderful sign. It shows that that generation is not being affected by the Kardashian influence.

Jaxhog · 20/12/2019 12:29

*Boys’ clothes? Girls’ clothes? Clothes are clothes, unless they have specific use like a bra or a jock strap.

Exactly! Let her wear what she wants.

KnitFastDieWarm · 20/12/2019 12:29

There’s no such thing as ‘boy’s clothes’
Let her wear whatever she wants, Ffs

Pfefferkuchen · 20/12/2019 12:30

I wouldn't let my sons wear a football shirt for a party, so YANBU!

It's all about compromise... girls can wear absolutely anything and get away with it, it's boys who are massively restricted. If she likes tops and trousers, fine. No excuse for not wearing semi-decent or semi-smart clothes.

I don't let my kids buy or wear "whatever" they want whenever they want. There's a time and a place for everything, they need to learn.

HermioneWeasley · 20/12/2019 12:30

For many years my daughter refused to wear anything but trousers and preferred well worn (and therefore comfy) tops, but for special events she had to dress smartly - smarter trousers and a top which fitted! it’s ok to say there are some occasions where scruffy soothes aren’t appropriate, but it doesn’t have to be a dress

Pfefferkuchen · 20/12/2019 12:32

I would ignore the hypocritical "there's no such thing as boy/girls clothes" on here though, as if

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 20/12/2019 12:32

about whether any kid should be wearing a football stip to a party?

Football strips are banned in all schools round here, and many adult spaces, but it's perfectly normal for primary age children to wear them to parties outside of school, so if the OP's school doesn't have a ban on them why not?

The only thing I'd be concerned about from the OP is her daughter saying she is 'boyish'. There is nothing 'boyish' about wearing jeans and football tops. They are entirely normal wear for either sex.

gamerwidow · 20/12/2019 12:35

Let her wear what she likes. My DD lives in minecraft t-shirts and leggings most days. I took her to choose a new Christmas outfit recently thinking along the lines of pretty sparkly top or dress, we came home with a xmas pokemon t-shirt and joggers .
Kids develop their own style it's not worth getting upset about.

Bluebutterfly90 · 20/12/2019 12:37

Clothes are clothes.
The more I was forced into frilly dresses as a child, the more I hated 'girly' clothes. I'm fairly feminine now but I hated that stuff for a long time because it felt like the things I liked were being ignored for what was expected of me.

I understand you wanting her to wear something nicer to a party, but maybe she needs to be more involved in the purchasing of her own clothes if she doesn't like a lot of them.

gamerwidow · 20/12/2019 12:37

ps fwiw DD is 9 too.

chillykiwi · 20/12/2019 12:38

I would ignore the hypocritical "there's no such thing as boy/girls clothes" on here though, as if grin

Why is it hypocritical? At my son's school they have a choice of skirts or trousers for girls, trousers only for boys is the convention. If my son was too hot in trousers then I'd send him in shorts or a skirt if that was what he wanted to wear. After all, Scottish men wear kilts and they aren't trousers are they? (retreats to a safe distance)

shinysinkredemption · 20/12/2019 12:39

As long as she's brushed her hair and teeth and her clothes are clean, I don't think it's a problem. She should definitely be involved in choosing her own clothes.

koshkat · 20/12/2019 12:40

I would ignore the hypocritical "there's no such thing as boy/girls clothes" on here though, as if

Seriously? What a weird comment to make. And how is it hypocritical?

koshkat · 20/12/2019 12:40

I was the same as a young girl I hated dresses.

I am still preferring not to be dressed up except rarely.
Does it matter?

Same here.

MintyMabel · 20/12/2019 12:43

I hated dresses. I’m still not a fan. It hasn’t made any difference to my life.

What are you afraid of?

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