Daughter wearing boys clothes. AIBU?

[Greydove28]

My daughter (9) just told me as we were leaving for school earlier she had an xmas party and was allowed to bring in party clothes. I said to go grab some clothes quickly and stick in the bag. She grabbed an old football shirt and some jeans. I said what about all the really nice dresses and shoes? She said she is boyish and likes this. I was like ok but feel a bit embarrassed. It was the same when we went to a xmas party at the club last week. She wore an old jumper and not any of the nice new xmas jumpers or trendy clothes- jumpsuits I have bought. My partner thinks I am bu and should just let her wear what she wants. AIBU?

They don't sound like 'boys' clothes', they just sound like ... clothes. I'm wearing jeans and a rugby shirt of my husband's. I'll probably wear a sparkly number at Christmas, or maybe wear a tracksuit. I don't classify my clothes by gender.
She's wearing what makes her feel comfortable and maybe wearing dressy items makes her self-conscious.
I'd let her get on with it.

Heli - what does a girl look like then?

I agree with others, let her chose her own clothes, she is certainly old enough and clearly has a good idea of what she likes - and sadly for you it isn't the dresses and trendy things you've been buying for her. I often preferred 'boys' clothes at that age, and still shop in the men's department a fair bit as an adult as I prefer the cut of men's tops, but I'm not averse to more feminine clothes when the occasion dictates.

Yes I do buy a lot of casual clothes as know this is what she likes. However I wanted her to dress smarter than a football strip for an Xmas party. Think I'll have to get her more involved with the clothes shopping. I work long hours so always try to get what she likes on the go. I know she hates pink so never buy that and stick to her approved colours lol

@hellcarryingahandbag that made me chuckle, sounds like something my grandma would say

At 9 she is old enough to have choice in what she wears - as long as it is age appropriate. Jeans and tops are fine - it's what my DD would have chosen (and still does as an adult). They aren't boys clothes, they are clothes. And not wanting to 'dress up' for a party isn;t a girl thing. My DS always loved getting all dressed up in smart clothes to go out - my DD wasn't bothered, and also hated drawing attention to herself by being dressed up. Different personalities.

I wonder why she has 'all the really nice dresses and shoes' when she clearly doesn't like wearing these ? Take her out and let her choose what she likes.

My dd is nine and 95% of her clothes are from the boys section and they’re all black. She’s happy, so I’m happy. My mum spent most of my childhood trying to force me to wear dresses and skirts and it made me horribly uncomfortable.

My daughter banned me from buying dresses at age 5. She is now 7 and would love going to a party in a football strip. That is the sort of outfit that many of the boys will wear. I can't think of any reason why a girl shouldn't be allowed to wear the same and why a parent should be embarrassed about it.

DD (11) only likes trousers and plain tops in quiet colours, preferably black/white/grey. No skirts, dresses, frills, etc. I love to see her in a bright frock but it's not going to happen.

I let her wear what she wants, EXCEPT that I do insist on smart versions for smart occasions. They're still clothes she approves of, just not trackie pants and manky T-shirts.

TBF I suspect that as she gets older I may lose that battle as well...

Well what is she like normally OP? Surely she hasn’t just switched from wearing dresses to football strips this morning, just like that?

Why would you have to get involved in the clothes shopping? She seems entirely happy with her practical, robust clothing.

I can sort of understand. It does sound a bit scruffy for a party. As for 'boys' clothes like everyone says, does it matter (just let her get some a bit smarter for occasions).

I suspect however lots of parents would be a bit less keen if it was their son wanting to wear a dress or skirt. Still just clothes but with association of femaleness.

She is old enough to choose her own clothes now, if you want her to dress smart maybe get her some smart trousers/nice tops she can choose from if dresses are the issue? I've there are some gorgeous suit type outfits for young girls on sale at the moment in a few shops.

@PizzaExpressWorking I have one of those! It's actually really hard to get plain clothes for 10 year olds. Everything has a slogan or bright colours.

I've noticed*

Jeans aren't boys clothes and she's clearly comfortable wearing them. The fact you feel embarrassed by it says more about you than her.

You didn't even know she had a party so can't really say you wanted her to wear something nicer.

let her wear what she likes

I'd have hated being asked to wear a Christmas jumper as well!

This has to be a joke.

Unless she needs a penis to wear a football shirt and jeans, they're not 'boys clothes'.

Let your daughter wear whatever she wants.

Was it boys clothes or just a T shirt and jeans ??

Threads like this just make me wonder when the gotcha screenshots are going to appear on twitter.

My dd has been choosing what she wears since she was about 15 months old. She loved dresses etc when she was younger. When she reached about 10 she stopped wanting them for anything other than holidays. Now at 11 it’s all Adidas and Nike etc.

I’m struggling to understand how your child can reach 9 before expressing an opinion and then you want to invalidate it. I know a lot of children don’t care what they wear when younger but your dd is 9. That’s pretty old imo.

Why are jeans and football shirts classed as 'girl's' clothes? How bloody silly OP.

You really need to let this go.
At 9 your daughter is finding out who she is and she needs you to be ok with that and support her.
My 10 year old wears some crazy things, normally quite casual (dark trousers and plain jumpers) but then she will wear an off the wall head band or leopard print from head to toe. I love that she marches to her own drum rather than give in to peer pressure.

I understand wanting a child to be smart for a formal occasion (wedding, funeral etc) but a party is the greatest opportunity to express who you are.

Let her become her, she will thank you for it when she is older. And you will be grateful when she feels she can trust you with helping her to find her way through the bigger and scarier self realisations.

I was a total tomboy at that age until about 14 when I started wearing more “fitted” “shapely” and I suppose more typical girly clothes.

I was most comfortable in baggy jeans, chunky trainers, hoodies, t shorts. Adidas trousers, big puffy body warmer and my Nike air maxes was my outfit of choice.

I still very much saw myself as a girl. Just hated stereotypical girly clothes. As I got older, that changed.

Maybe have a clothes sort out with her. Slouchy “boys” stuff is clearly what she likes and can still be perfectly decent.