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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter wearing boys clothes. AIBU?

258 replies

Greydove28 · 20/12/2019 11:06

My daughter (9) just told me as we were leaving for school earlier she had an xmas party and was allowed to bring in party clothes. I said to go grab some clothes quickly and stick in the bag. She grabbed an old football shirt and some jeans. I said what about all the really nice dresses and shoes? She said she is boyish and likes this. I was like ok but feel a bit embarrassed. It was the same when we went to a xmas party at the club last week. She wore an old jumper and not any of the nice new xmas jumpers or trendy clothes- jumpsuits I have bought. My partner thinks I am bu and should just let her wear what she wants. AIBU?

OP posts:
NoNewsisGood · 20/12/2019 13:20

These. are. not. 'boys''. clothes.

I'm sat here in jeans and a t-shirt. Bought in the 'women's' section because they fit the shape of my woman's body, but they are still jeans and tshirt.

You told her to choose. She did. Next time, correct her if she says 'boyish' as that's just untrue.

I'd love to go to any party in my jeans and tshirt.

Lweji · 20/12/2019 13:21

If her alternatives are old jumpers and jeans and dresses and shoes, then I'm not surprised she's going for the jumpers and jeans. Grin

Don't buy clothes for her. Buy clothes with her, that she chooses.

Lweji · 20/12/2019 13:24

And as others said, they're not boys' clothes.

CaptainMyCaptain · 20/12/2019 13:25

YADNBU… she’s a girl and should look like one

What on Earth does that mean? She should be able to wear what she likes (assuming it's suited to the weather etc.). I know a girl who wore a tuxedo suit to her prom - good on her!

ThreeAnkleBiters · 20/12/2019 13:26

Of course you should let her wear what she wants.
I think it’s a parents job to back up their children in every benign choice they make. We are supposed to be making them feel good about themselves.

Oh don't be so daft. Our job as parents isn't to micromanage every insignificant decision our kids make (and if you try have fun during the teenage years). Of course you should stop your kids doing things that are rude/dangerous/bad for them or others but why on earth wouldn't you let her wear what she's comfortable in for a class party. It's not a formal event with a dress code - she'll look overdressed and silly in a dress and she obviously doesn't enjoy wearing it so why on earth force her.

Kuponut · 20/12/2019 13:26

There's a girl in one of my kids' classes who, every non uniform event comes in in jeans and t-shirt or a Spiderman onesie... it's what she wants to wear so blooming good on her. I have the battle convincing mine that a short floofy skirt, thin sparkly tights and more sequins than on an entire Strictly group number might be a tad chilly and impractical for the middle of December!

Seems to be a point about mid-juniors where the girls in my children's school really suddenly split down the middle - from party dresses with sparkle and twirl all over the place in the younger KS2 classes they suddenly split and "party wear" becomes either mini-versions of stuff their mums would wear to go out clubbing, or sportswear of varying degrees (including hoodies and leggings and stuff in that). Doesn't make them "boys clothes" - just makes them the clothes the girls have chosen that they're more comfortable in/happier wearing/have just got bought and want to show off in school.

Wish mine would veer more toward the jeans and hoodies aspect sometimes - she's whining because most of her mates went into school with little party heel shoes on and evil mummy hasn't given in yet on that particular ground.

My other daughter... if it has dinosaurs or super heroes on she loves it (dinosaurs are cooler than unicorns because they could eat them apparently), doesn't wear jeans as struggles enough pulling leggings up after going to the toilet but is usually in leggings, socks abandoned at various locations in the house, shoes on the wrong feet and some silly hat on from the dressing up box. Bonus marks if she can steal Mr Potato Head's glasses and have them on her nose as well.

Thoughtlessinengland · 20/12/2019 13:29

Hello OP.

Where did you get the information that jeans and jumper are boys clothes please?

Thanks.

Skysblue · 20/12/2019 13:33

Jeans and a shirt are not ‘boys clothes’ when are you from, the 1940s?!

If the problem is she is going to smart events looking scruffy then maybe look into getting her some comfy smart trousers / occasion shirts.

I’d much rather see a 9 yr old dressing down than tarted up in inappropriate sexy clothes like so many little girls seem to be.

LittleReindeer · 20/12/2019 13:34

Let her wear what she wants. She can be smart in a pair of trousers and a shirt if that’s what she prefers.

firstimemamma · 20/12/2019 13:35

Yabu. Maybe "trendy clothes / jump suits" isn't her thing. She should be allowed to have her own identity, whether it's to your taste or not.

Skinnychip · 20/12/2019 13:35

My DD (13) has spent the last 3 years in nothing but ropped shirts, hoodies and leggings or skinny jeans. I managed to get her to wear a play suit for a wedding earlier this year but shes insistent dresses and skirts dont suit her, much as I think it might be nice for a party. She is going to a party tonight and has (on wed) started saying the other girls are getting new dresses for it....and maybe she'd like to wear something a bit fancier although too late for me to take her to get anything
I remember EXACTLY the same conversations with my mum. I wore grungy clothes and DMs, much to her dismay, for most if my teenage years, and into my 20s.

Skinnychip · 20/12/2019 13:37

Ropped shirts = cropped shirts!!

Skinnychip · 20/12/2019 13:38

Aaaaghh T shirts!!!!

Topseyt · 20/12/2019 13:40

She is choosing stuff that she feels comfortable in. If that is jeans/leggings and a football shirt then so be it.

I have hardly every worn dresses or skirts unless I have really had to. I am very much a trousers, jeans, t-shirts sort of person and I am definitely a woman. I was the same as a child, and hated the odd occasion when I was forced to wear a dress or a skirt (usually when being dragged to church by parents who only went occasionally out of a sense of duty). I wore jeans and t-shirts otherwise, except for school where the uniform code demanded otherwise.

My DD2 is now 21 and I have virtually never seen her in a dress or skirt, only at school where she had no choice and she hated that.

Let your daughter dress comfortably in the style she is choosing. She isn't choosing anything outrageous. I recently even went to a funeral where the usual dismal clad all in black was not required. Casual was order of the day, including the football strip of the team the deceased supported.

Times are changing, thankfully. Change with them. Go with the flow. The days when girls of whatever age had to go out in dresses and skirts went out with the 1950s, and good riddance.

PickAChew · 20/12/2019 13:42

It's not like choosing clothes she likes is an arduous job involving trailing around the shops. You can do it from the comfort of your sofa. You're probably still buying her party clothes like she's 5 (though, seriously, how many party dresses does any 9 year old need, given that they're not likely to fit for more than a season?)

MrsToothyBitch · 20/12/2019 13:42

Jeans are just clothes and I don't see why she has to wear a dress if she doesn't want to (and this is from someone who doesn't own a single pair of trousers, never wanted them and had a mum seemingly obsessed with putting me in leggings, shorts or jeans to make me look 'normal' as a kid).

But I can see why you'd encourage her to wear a smarter top and a pair of nicer trousers rather than perhaps the pair of jeans she scruffs round the house in! I also wouldn't let a son of mine out looking scruffy. Decent turn out is a life lesson and people so judge.

PickAChew · 20/12/2019 13:44

I don't own a skirt. I do have a dress but it's a thigh length one that I wear as a tunic with skinny jeans and boots.

Zaphodsotherhead · 20/12/2019 13:48

DD1 is nearly 30. She hasn't worn a dress since she was nine. She wears smart trousers for smart events and jeans the rest of the time.

She's still a girl. She just doesn't like 'having her legs out'.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/12/2019 13:51

"Boys’ clothes? Girls’ clothes? Clothes are clothes, unless they have specific use like a bra or a jock strap."

I agree 100% with what @fairfat40 said.

It isn't unreasonable of you to want her to wear clothes that are appropriate for the occasion, @Greydove28 - but if she is most comfortable in trousers and a top, you need to help her find some outfits that she is comfortable in, but which will do as party outfits, if she needs something smart/smart-casual.

Let her be herself, and let her know she doesn't have to conform to the stereotype of femininity - give her the confidence to know that she can be happy in her body, and happy in her choice of clothes.

formerbabe · 20/12/2019 13:53

I think you're embarrassed that people will think that she hasn't got any nice stuff to wear.

Yabu...she can wear what she likes up to a point but I'd say that if it's a party or dressier occasion, she shouldn't wear old clothes...it's not about the style so much, but if it's smart enough and fits properly and isn't shabby looking.

Ilovewillow · 20/12/2019 13:54

My daughter is the same, she is 11 but at secondary school - she has just left the house in skinny jeans and a Jurassic park t shirt from the boys section (clothes are clothes in our house). I let her get on with it, the same with my son who is 6. We only have a couple of rules re clothes they have to fit and be clean. Also I never buy clothes unless they have been vetted first! I figure I would hate someone to comment on my choices so they are entitled to choose their own clothes bar school uniform.

pictish · 20/12/2019 13:55

My daughter is another who dislikes ‘girly’ clothes and opts for comfy t-shirts and loose trousers all the time.
I did however, insist she wear something decent for the school party and let her choose her own outfit - a pair of skinny jeans and a long sleeved checked shirt from the girls range in Next. I wouldn’t have allowed an old football shirt for an occasion. I’m not interested in formal dress or anything so uppity as that but I think it’s the done thing to make a little effort for a party. Boy or girl.

PassMeAnotherCoffee · 20/12/2019 13:55

If you work full time and she hates shopping you can do it on-line.

Sit down with her to look for a few websites and she can work out what she likes. Order it and get it delivered.

mumofone2818 · 20/12/2019 13:58

I have always preferred boys clothes to girls since i was around 10, not one for skirts or fancy blouses etc. Now i'm 25 and sometimes wear my DP's jeans or tshirts as I prefer the fit to womens clothes.

pictish · 20/12/2019 14:00

“I think you're embarrassed that people will think that she hasn't got any nice stuff to wear.”

Well that was certainly a motivator for me. I’ll admit it. I don’t mind that my daughter doesn’t like girly things, dresses, hairdos etc...I don’t think she has to. I would always support her choice to dress for comfort.
For the party however, I didn’t want her to rock up looking a slob and like I couldn’t be bothered to dress her well.

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