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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for NOT taking him to college anymore?

180 replies

SunshineAngel · 19/12/2019 11:00

DSS is in his first year at sixth form college. He chose not to go to the one attached to his school, but one that is on the other side of town.

We bought him a bus pass at the start of the year, which costs £100 per term. The college bus leaves at 8am, and the bus stop is on our road, on the same side as our house, about 20 feet away.

The thing is, he keeps missing the bus. DP has to leave for work at 7, so makes sure he's awake. I get up at 7.30, so can hurry him along to some extent .. but no matter how much we encourage him, he still misses the bus regularly.

Since it got colder, he's refused to leave 5 mins earlier than the bus arrives, saying he won't sit in the cold, so he leaves at 7.59 - by which point the bus has sometimes already sailed past. Just to add, he has a lovely warm coat and gloves, which he refuses to wear, because it's 'uncool'. He also won't wear hoodies, so he sits at the bus stop in a t shirt, jeans and trainers. I'm not surprised he's cold.

Anyway. When he misses the bus, he comes home again and asks for a lift. There are other buses that go to the other side of town, but the timings mean that he would be at least 20 minutes late, missing registration and the first 5 mins of his first lesson - so one non-attendance point and one late mark already.

I have taken him a couple of times because I don't want him getting disciplined for being late, but I am supposed to be sitting at my desk at 9am, so if I take him, it then makes ME late. Not to mention it's a 30 minute drive in the opposite direction to where I need to go, so it's taking time, using petrol, NOT nice to drive across town at that time in the morning, and we've already paid for his bus pass. Not to mention there's always a negative atmosphere in the car because I'm not happy that I have to drive across town and be late for work, and he's not happy that I've lectured him on leaving the house late again.

I have told him this morning - after taking him AGAIN - that enough is enough, and from January if he's late, he's late. I wouldn't mind if it was the odd time and there was a reason, but we're literally next door to the bus stop, and he just won't leave 5 minutes earlier, which is all it would take. He also phones us quite regularly at 5pm asking for a lift home, because he's been messing around with his mates and missed the college bus back. Again, there are other buses, but this would involve effort and a 10 minute wait in the cold. What's the point in paying for a bus pass when he clearly doesn't want to use it! He should have gone to the local sixth form if he wanted lifts every day, as I could have dropped him off before work then like I did when he was at school (or, even, he could have walked, as it's about a 10 minute walk ffs).

When I was at college I walked there and back, and when I was at uni I had to take a bus, a train, and then walk for half an hour - leaving at 5.30 to get in for 9am!! I don't think leaving the house at 7.55am is all that bad to be honest.

But.

I know for a fact I will feel super, super guilty letting him be late.

My partner has said just leave him to it, as at 16 he's old enough to take responsibility, and if he makes the choice to leave too late, it's his own fault. But it's easier for him, as he's already at work at that point!

AIBU for not taking him anymore?

OP posts:
Emmelina · 06/01/2020 15:48

YANBU. Let him get disciplined. School will agree with you that he has no reasonable excuse to keep missing the bus other than laziness. If he’s in sixth form, I assume he plans to go to university in 18 months or so, where he won’t be living with you and will be entirely responsible for everything he does and doesn’t do. He needs to prepare for that now.

messolini9 · 06/01/2020 15:54

So I've had a lot of grief off them for not taking him, as that's meant them having to get up.

"Please stop giving me earache & take this up with your son, who has asked me NOT to give any more lifts.
We would also prefer if YOU refused lifts. DS has a perfectly easy method of getting to college, paid for by us, but is refusing to take responsibility for his own journey. He needs to learn how to function without other people protecting him from the consequences of his laziness & poor decision-making."

messolini9 · 06/01/2020 16:01

so if we made him get a bus he'd miss the start of a film, or ordering food at a meal.. or whatever.

The poor little lamb!
Snot fair!
'I dithered about not catching a bus & now my awful parents won't give me a free ride so I miss out on social time with my mates!'

OP, STOP FEELING GUILTY sorry to shout but really. This boy needs to understand that the only person responsible for his timekeeping is him. Or he will grow up into one of those legion men posted about on threads here, who do fuck-all around the home & expect their wives to fill in all the gaps for them.

longtimelurkerhelen · 06/01/2020 16:06

YABU for giving lifts in the first place. Let him learn some self relience, it will stand him in good stead for the future. Also get your DH to have a word with grandparents and tell them not to enable him anymore.

He should be using his bus pass. I never got lifts from my parents (and my Dad was a Taxi Driver) and neither did any of my friends. He is being lazy and cheeky.

longtimelurkerhelen · 06/01/2020 16:13

Sorry, I see it's sorted already. Ingore that ^ Grin

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