Teacher telling another parent to speak to me

[mrssoap]

Basically my child is very disruptive in class. The school are struggling with his behaviour, this is something we have had meetings about several times. He isn't as bad for me at home, he responds to my discipline which is taking his I pad away, sending him to bed earlier ect. I feel in control at home. At school however Is another story.

Yesterday he swore infront of another child. Child went home told her mum and her mum complained to the teacher (fair enough).

Teacher pulled me aside this morning and told me what happened, I apologised said I would speak to my son at home later. She then said she had told the mum to come and speak to me about it! I think that's wrong to do that.

Opinions please? Aibu to think the teacher shouldn't have advised that?

@Porkchops83
You must live in a really well funded catchment area.
A lot of schools try a policy of not even offering 1:1 any more.

@porkchops83 it's INCREDIBLY unusual, even when there is a diagnosed SEN. School's simply do not have the money for basics, never mind spending over £12k on one child. This kind of provision is usually funded through an EHCP.

Apologies for the rogue apostrophe there

He definitely has a one on one, and definitely gets detention regularly! In his school they get detentions from year 2 onwards.
He hasn't been diagnosed with anything but I'm going to ask next time about it. Maybe he has more going on than i realised.

Not questioning you @mrssoup, more shocked at the school's approach! What does detention entail exactly? I've worked in both primary and secondary and haven't come across detentions in primary before. Tbh, they don't work in secondary either, but that's another matter

I dont live in a highly funded area, and perhaps I'm being very ignorant. I apologise. My son does benefit from 1-2-1 so I'm very lucky and extremely grateful.
Im sorry if that has pissed anyone off. Local school, not private, no addibeeds BTW x

Haven't read the thread but seriously, consider of your child has adhd. Can be disruptive and hyperactive.

Mine does *^ and it sounds a bit like some adhd kids I've heard about.

Hate to ask but what punishment do you give your son when the school, once again as it seems, tells you that he has been naughty. How long does he not get to play on his iPad or any electronic equipment.

If he can behave at home he can behave at school. This means their is no cognitive issue behind his behavior and he is simply choosing to be naughty.

I agree with @ BubblesBuddy - a neighbour had a boy who was disruptive and naughty and she was constantly at the school. Then after meetings with various education depts he was placed in a special needs school where he is doing really well. Nearly 9 now it looks as if he will go to a regular secondary school. The mother did tell me she had to jump through hoops to get the place, but it was worth it because he likes school now and even starts his homework without a fuss

" I've worked in both primary and secondary and haven't come across detentions in primary before."

They've been used in every primary I've ever worked in, but it's just not usually called detention. 'Missing playtime' (or a bit of playtime) is one of the few really potent sanctions left available and just the mention of it usually lampoons any unwanted behaviour. In certain circumstances it also keeps other children safe.

"He hasn't been diagnosed with anything but I'm going to ask next time about it."

You don't need to wait to talk to the school about this. You can go to your GP to start the ball rolling.

"If he can behave at home he can behave at school."

That isn't true. Sometimes children find the school environment overwhelming. Sometimes the staff have less understanding of how to manage the behaviour than the parents do.

@whenskiesaregrey detention just means he has 20 mins out of his play time where he has to sit inside with a teacher. He really does hate detention but it obviously doesn't stop him from doing what he's doing. Teacher said she gives him warning before the detention so he knows but still doesn't stop what he's doing.

@pearly1792 With all due respect, and I don't want to be rude, that's quite a small minded way to look at it. Just because a child behaves in school, doesn't mean that's what they are like at home, and vice versa. My daughter has special needs, she did a lot of "masking" in school to start with where she was an angel in school and awful out of it. I appreciate your reply though. In response to your I pad question I take it away for that day. Because my parent support adviser said she thinks taking it away indefinitely till he behaves would backfire, we have been working together for a while and we both agreed on that.
So if he misbehaves at school, il tell him no I pad today, or less time watching tv. This is what I've been advised to do r.e punishment with him but this kind of thing would never work with my daughter.

@itsmecathycomehome I realise that, but id like to bring it up with the school first, see what they say.

"I realise that, but id like to bring it up with the school first, see what they say."

I just thought it seems a shame to delay, given that it could be another 2-3 weeks before you can get an appointment at school.

It is obvious that they don't think that he has special needs, otherwise they would have discussed their concerns with you by now.

It is likely that they will suggest the GP to you as a first step.

Hours and hours of learning time is lost every day in schools due to disruptive behaviour. This is not fair on the other children in the class, the teacher, the TA's the SENDCO or the Headteacher. If your child behaves for you at home, then home school him. Let the other children have the chance to learn and the teacher the chance to teach. Don't try shifting the blame onto overworked school staff.

All children have a right to an education and forcing home education is unlawful Ngailia. Saying all children who better behaved at home than at school should be home educated is also discrimatory because some of those children will have a disability.

@Ngailia in what part of any of my post have I tried shifting the blame?!

No I don't want to home school him, I can't anyway with work and 3 other children, one with special needs and I'm a single parent, home schooling wouldn't work for us.

"He hasn't been diagnosed with anything but I'm going to ask next time about it. Maybe he has more going on than i realised."

This wouldn't be unusual in a situation like yours, where you have a DD who has ore obvious SN.
I have a friend who has 4 DC with some level of ASD - but the oldest one wasn't diagnosed until she was 7 because her behaviours weren't as "out there" as the younger children. No.2 was the most disruptive (and probably has PDA but can't get that diagnosis here in Australia) and all the focus went on that child, and the next child who had incontinence issues. No. 1 got a preliminary diagnosis of ADHD with ODD tendencies, but turns out, when she finally got more help, that she is actually autistic. And my friend feels SO guilty that she missed it, because she was focusing more on the younger children and their much-more-obvious problems.

So yes, there might be more going on with him than you have so far realised. And it's definitely worth getting it checked out.

9pm bedtime for a 7 year old????

My 13 year old’s bedtime is 9pm.

I can’t imagine this is helping his behaviour.

Apparently his bed time is nothing to do with it

@ThumbWitchesAbroad yes I do agree with what your saying

@scubadive the bed time thing has been spoken about. Read my replies.
@Vulpine never said it has nothing to do with it, just not the main problem.
If you check the nhs website, he is actually getting the recommended sleep, and some children need more, some less, not all the same.
Also I've said I'm going to try the earlier bed time on the days it's possible so I'm not sure why the bed time is being brought up again.

You’re first few posts did sound as though you thought it was a school issue, not a home issue.
In order to get funding for a 1:1 the school senco will have had to apply, giving an overview of his behaviour and issues to justify the money. I find it hard to believe they’ve done all that without you being aware.

*your

My 7 year old has a diagnosis of ADHD. He's a pretty good sleeper for a child with the condition and the paediatrician monitors his sleep. He goes to bed at 8 and sleeps at 9. The paed is very happy with this.