Who was unreasonable here?

[Funkyslippers]

Last night, all of us in car, me driving, we're playing DD1's (16) Queen CD (she's slightly obsessed).

DD1: Oh I love the words to this song, can we all just listen to the words?
OH: (definitely heard what she said) - starts talking to DD2
DD1: I really want everyone to hear this song
OH: (Carries on where he left off with what he's saying)
DD1: (shouts): YOU'RE SO SELFISH! I ASKED YOU TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG AND YOU DELIBERATELY TALK OVER IT!!!
OH: Don't you speak to me like that etc etc....

Everyone stressed. Me upset because this sort of thing happens on a daily basis between DD1 & OH, DD2 & OH or DD1 & DD2!!!

I'm in the minority, but I don't think it was unreasonable of you DD to ask everyone to listen to a particular song for, what, a minute and a half?

What Queen song lasts for a mere 90 seconds?

I might be in the minority, but I don’t think the dd was particularly unreasonable. She made a request and your other half (he step?dad) totally blanked her. I could be off base, but it smacks of him trying to mark some kind of territory, and that he’s in charge. Does he also often play them off against each other?

YANBU but, normal family, teenage behaviour.DD1 wants to impose her will on others who aren't having it. All goes vice versa. No one wins until all grown up, hopefully.

OH was being incredibly unreasonable. Did he have to sit in silence? No. Could he have actually addressed the issue? Yes. Did he? Did he fuck. Dick.

Easy there, easy there - just your garden variety annoying self-centred teenager.

Its like a little kid made a drawing and shows it to the parents and they toss it without even looking at it

No, it isn't, it really isn't - 'child' here is 16 years old, not 6 years or a darling toddler

Oh for god's sake. This isn't bratty behaviour. And isn't isn't funny we mostly apply this term to girls and not boys?

Bratty isn't gendered AFAIK - just refers to badly behaved small child.

I find it a tad spoilt that your Dd1 expects the whole car to stop and listen because she demanded it- I find parents who nurture this kind of narcissism painful. I would have explained to dd1 that at any time but especially in a small car it’s not fair to demand everyone stop and listen to lyrics she likes.

Children learn by example. I find it really odd that your husband ignored her request in this way, dd’s request may have been unreasonable, but how simple and polite it would have been for him to say darling we’ll listen to the song another time, the cars not the place, or pause the CD let me just say this to your sister quickly then we’ll listen. The fact you say it’s not an unusual occurrence would irritate me with my husband even more. For the record I personally think being quiet for a 3 minute song is not hard or unreasonable

Dd1 is unreasonable. I can’t stand this behaviour where tweens and teenagers want to share everything and parents then indulge them by watching crap films and listening to rubbish music. ( although I do like a bit of queen, probably would have just told her I already know the words if it had been me) Children need to learn life doesn’t revolve around them, unfortunately I know a few who are being taught the opposite and they will have a big shock when they hit the real world.

OH should have just said no, I’m talking to your sister right now. DD1 would probably have still kicked off though.

It's a song on a cd that can be replayed at anytime. I can see how it was annoying to DD but in a car with other people, she was overreacting

I’m a 50/50 on this one.

DD1 asked nicely to listen. Oh didn't say sorry not this time, he was deliberately annoying and created an atmosphere. Deliberate power play.

If she asked politely in what appeared to be a gap in the conversation, that's fair enough. If your OH didn't want to listen that is also fair enough.

That said, he should have said no to her and explained why. His behaviour was antagonistic. Without further context, it's hard to judge why.

I don't think she's being cheeky if it's her favourite song and she doesn't insist on doing this every journey. If I'm listening to the radio in the car and a favourite song of mine comes on I'll turn it up saying I love this song …

I also think DH was being rather childish as he knew talking would wind her up so did it on purpose. He wouldn't like it if he asked to listen to the news (for example) and she talked over it …

In a situation at home to ask people to listen to lyrics would have been better than in the car

Is she the common denominator in the arguments?

I often ask my children to stop their squawking if a song comes on the radio I want to hear. And they ask me to stop talking if a song they like comes on too. I quite like this shared interest so I foster it, rather than, as many posters suggest, plugging them in to headphones.

It sounds like your DH and daughters are in a power struggle where he doesn’t think he should be dictated to by a teenager and the teenager retaliates at being ignored by not respecting the Dad.

If he said ‘we’ll listen to the first bit then I have a question for DD2’ at least he has acknowledged her request.

DD sounds pretty controlling.

I know what you mean. It's seems sometimes it's only me trying to keep the peace. DH thinks nothing of annoying the kids or creating situations that will cause conflict that ends up with everyone in a bad mood and me having to try to calm things down.
He could have listed to the one song.

Your OH is an arsehole. Surely he could be respectful of his DD & keep quiet for 3 minutes if it meant that much to her.
Afterward, you could explain to your DD that it’s unfair to make people a captive audience to her favorite songs as they might not be everyone’s first choice.

I don't think she asked for anything too demanding. I take turns with the DC listening to our songs of choice in the car and purposely hush anyone who talks through anyone else's song, because mutual respect. I like to hope they are slowly getting it.

If lyrics have meaning, it's perfectly understandable to me that you want to share something magical with others you love. It's like opening up your heart and soul to them. As long as it's not every song, all the time, I would feel privileged. DS17 still shares song lyrics with me every so often, and I find he can communicate how he feels about things which he would otherwise find hard to put into words.
Ignore this, you might as well say 'I'm not interested in you or anything you think or feel '

What song by the way?

16 year olds are volatile, hormonal and difficult to communicate with. This was a perfect moment for you all to connect and enjoy something together and your OH kind of ruined it, knowing that it was likely to upset her. He was a dick and should have known better. She was just a typical teen. Both were in the wrong but one is a hormonal child and the other is ‘supposedly’ a fully grown adult.

It sounds like she wanted you to listen to the lyrics to talk/get your opinion on it. Your OH sounds cruel to deliberately talk over her request and the song.