Who was unreasonable here?

[Funkyslippers]

Last night, all of us in car, me driving, we're playing DD1's (16) Queen CD (she's slightly obsessed).

DD1: Oh I love the words to this song, can we all just listen to the words?
OH: (definitely heard what she said) - starts talking to DD2
DD1: I really want everyone to hear this song
OH: (Carries on where he left off with what he's saying)
DD1: (shouts): YOU'RE SO SELFISH! I ASKED YOU TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG AND YOU DELIBERATELY TALK OVER IT!!!
OH: Don't you speak to me like that etc etc....

Everyone stressed. Me upset because this sort of thing happens on a daily basis between DD1 & OH, DD2 & OH or DD1 & DD2!!!

NearlyGranny

Pretend the daughter was the OP's son. Now what is your take of the entire situation?

Not sure how changing the gender would affect how the stroppy teen strops or how said strop should be dealt with.

NearlyGranny you're taking the incident to a very unlikely conclusion, Teen made unreasonable request to adult already conversing, adult continued conversing.

A lifetime of abuse resulting is quite the extrapolation.

Jezebel101
Not sure how changing the gender would affect how the stroppy teen strops or how said strop should be dealt with.

It shouldn't, that's my point. But for NearlyGranny, whose whole view on this is this is about male abuse of the bratty daughter, it would appear to.

Crikey I'm glad I'm not a child in many of your families!

I don't think your DD's request was unreasonable actually. I think her shouting at her dad was an understandable level of frustration for someone who had ignored her twice and perhaps felt she had to shout to be 'heard'.

However no that behaviour is not OK and if she doesn't feel heard in future she should use non shouting methods to be heard.

And her dad needs to recognise when other people have spoken and acknowledge them. Even if it's to say actually I'm not going to comply with your request and I will keep talking.

It sounds like there isn't a lot of respect for other people in the family and a reminder to all of them that the behaviour they give is the behaviour they get back.

If she'd said it for every song then that becomes unreasonable but 1 song then no that's OK in my book.

🤷

Girls learn from their fathers how they deserve to be treated; boys learn how to treat girls and women. Neither is good news if they're being routinely ignored. If OP's DD was.

A 'lifetime of abuse' is a pretty extreme extrapolation from my 'possibly vulnerable to an abuser' point, but hey, if wilful misunderstanding, labelling and extreme extrapolation are what float people's boats, who am I to spoil the party?

If you need a straw man, you've made yourselves one. Have fun.

Good grief there are a lot of people on here determined to make something out of nothing. Talk about a storm in a teacup.

She had a captive audience and tried to force them all to give up several minutes of their lives to listen to a song that’s eleventy billion years old that at least two people in the car had likely heard a thousand times before.

They were in a car. What were they going to do in those precious minutes? Discuss world peace? Work out Fermat's last theorem (again)? Work out where King Arthur is really buried?

I'm just glad my family respect each other and respond to polite requests politely. It saves a lot of angst and rowing.

You know how people say that teenagers don't listen to them? And that they don't communicate?

This is a teenager trying to communicate something that touches her for some reason, to the rest of her family.

If she were mine, I'd go and listen now to the song words, or google them. She was trying to communicate something, and she was shut down by your OH.

Your OH is definitely the unreasonable one here. He's not modelling adult behaviour at all.

Your DD and DH are both being unreasonable and so is your poll... your poll asks if you are being unreasonable and that's not actually the issue.

I’d love it if a teen of mine asked the family to share their pleasure in the lyrics of a song.
I’d be disgusted if my teen’s father chose to speak over something she’d specifically wanted to share.
I can’t believe how many people would rather their teen isolated themselves with headphones rather than engaged with them.
How depressing. Maybe you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

DD sounds rude and self-obsessed.

Queen are utterly shite, too, so doubly unreasonable to expect everyone else to suffer their racket.

@Twofingers I feel the same . This is quite sad reading

Your DD is being unreasonable. I used to try this and it didn’t wash. No way does one person get to force everyone else to listen to something.

Sounds to me like DD1 asked politely for everyone to listen to words of one song that she particularly liked. Her father then decided to wind her up by beginning a conversation with your other DD, to me, it was him that was being rude. Would it really have killed you all to be quiet and listen to something that was obviously important to her for a couple of minutes, or are all the adults on here so selfish that they think their needs are more important than those of young adults? If he'd already been holding a conversation, then it would have been her being rude, but he wasn't! No wonder there are frequent blow ups in the household if the parent doesn't have good manners, we can't expect it from our kids if we don't show it ourselves.

DD1 is being unreasonable. You cant force people to do what you want. Shouting and getting upset is a bit much.

She’s found something she’s passionate about and wanted to share it. It wouldn’t have killed your OH to stop talking for 3 minutes even if he’s not a fan and has heard the song a million times. We often sing along to songs like Bohemian Rhapsody like we are in Wayne’s World. Daughter just wants to share and interest with you all. Maybe get her Spotify or something similar so she can listen on her phone with earbuds in