Who was unreasonable here?

[Funkyslippers]

Last night, all of us in car, me driving, we're playing DD1's (16) Queen CD (she's slightly obsessed).

DD1: Oh I love the words to this song, can we all just listen to the words?
OH: (definitely heard what she said) - starts talking to DD2
DD1: I really want everyone to hear this song
OH: (Carries on where he left off with what he's saying)
DD1: (shouts): YOU'RE SO SELFISH! I ASKED YOU TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG AND YOU DELIBERATELY TALK OVER IT!!!
OH: Don't you speak to me like that etc etc....

Everyone stressed. Me upset because this sort of thing happens on a daily basis between DD1 & OH, DD2 & OH or DD1 & DD2!!!

Both unreasonable but DD slightly more so. Even asking nicely/politely it's a bit much to expect a car full of people to sit in silence there and then to listen to a song. On demand/instantly. But your OH was being passive aggressive in talking over it deliberately without acknowledging the request, even if to say thank you but he didn't want to listen.

I only really like 2 particular Queen songs so would be happy if it was either of those but would be resentful if was any of the other ones

@TheGoodEnoughWife agree with you.

If DD1 had gone 'can you all shut up, I want to listen to this song' - unreasonable. But she wants to share the lyrics, so it would have been nice for the grown-ups in the car to at least listen.

If DH wasn't talking until DD1's request - which OP sounds like, then he is being completely unreasonable and almost deliberately trying to irritate DD1. If he was already talking when the question was asked, then either he could stop for a bit, or say he's in mid-conversation so pause the song

I lean towards DH unreasonable here

As a family we all share music, so much better than having a child or two plugged into their devices cut off whilst in the car.

I have shared music from my childhood and my parents' childhood or teen years, my children actively listen to the words, so from my Mum's musical taste they have had country music, Bobby Vee, Elvis, from my Dad anything that vibrates the car with bass. So Queen, Tina Turner 80s rock ballads.

When I say children, my sons are teenagers 16 and 13, they too play their music in the car, we have had It's Raining Tacos, Narwharls Narwharls, It's Muffin time In my eyes this is no different than me listening to Woody Woodpeck's Woodpeckers from Space (listen and feel your ears bleed) or listening to The Wheels on the Bus when they were toddlers.

Their tastes have moved on and so we have more "pop" music or rap music. But we all share.

What happened in your car was your husband disrespected your DD1 and was incredibly rude. He could have said not now or paused it whilst he spoke to DD2 but instead chose a shitty way to do it.

Does your family often over-ride each other's feelings? Interrupt conversations rather than taking turns?

I feel like that with television, if it's on I want to hear the words. My mum puts the TV on as background then talks over it. But at least I can put the subtitles on.

I think it would have been nice to listen to the lyrics and validate her - "Yes, it's really good, isn't it?" Not that it means you have to give in to every demand but there should be mutual respect. Equally if the thing you were talking about was really vital, you could say "Sorry love, I need to talk about this now, but will listen to your song after, ok?"

I initially missed that your daughter is 16. She is being U, especially since the song in question was a Queen track.

Not like it's some newly released track by some obscure band and no-one in the car except your daughter has previously heard it.

Chances are your husband at least has probably heard the song many, many times already.

And you don't say whether other family members in the car even like Queen/the song. Your daughter has to learn that just because she likes something, doesn't mean anyone else does, far less have to sit in rapt silence on a car journey listening to it. Get a set of headphones so she can listen to her albums in peace.

She was trying to communicate something that really matters to her. What was the song?

Your OH completely ignored her and spoke over her. He sounds like an arse.

It is unreasonable to demand that everyone fall silent and do as you say but if DD is not usually like that, then I think it’s a missed opportunity to strengthen a bond.

Also, can I add, you and your DH probably already know all the words to Queen songs, after that movie came out these teens they've just discovered a new band :p

It's a bit odd OP that:

1. You remained silent throughout this conversation, apparently. I mean, you didn't interject and say to DH "hang on, DD1 wants to listen". Back and forth it went, but you stayed quiet all through
2. This happens all the time you say...
3. You haven't come back to this thread.

Going against the grain here. I think this is one of those times that are actually quite nice as children grow up. An appreciation of a song lyrics that she wants to share. She would have liked everyone to listen to the song and unless she is a complete drama llama the whole time I don't see why you couldn't have just listened for a bit.

Agree with this. She wasn’t demanding everyone shut up so she could listen, she was trying to share something that’s important to her with the people who are important to her. She’s a teenager. Quite a testing time in life.

How many people complain that their teens won’t communicate with them, and shut them out; here’s one trying to connect with her family and your DH just made it very clear he wasn’t interested and had no intention of engaging with her. What a rubbish message to give to her.

He was being a dick.

DD1: (shouts): YOU'RE SO SELFISH! I ASKED YOU TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG AND YOU DELIBERATELY TALK OVER IT!!!

I would have got a severe telling off for potentially distracting the driver (OP) by shouting.

If your husband deliberately started talking when she asked everyone to listen to the words then tbh he's as bad as her for expecting it. Teens can get wound up at things, and it obviously means a lot to her (whether that's unreasonable or not), so why purposefully wind her up and then carry on ignoring her?

MrsCBY even though they all had to endure the 16 years olds whole cd? so they all had to be quiet? I would have thought it would be much kinder of the 16 year old to listen to her own cd through headphones? they have probably already heard the tunes a million times.

It was just one song, why couldn’t he be quiet as she asked?

There’s probably been plenty of times that He has asked her to be quiet for a moment

It was just one song, why couldn’t he be quiet as she asked?

Because a 16 year old brat does not get to dictate to a car full of other people when they can speak and what they have to listen to.

I think your dd is being unreasonable.

Thanks for all your replies. I was sort of with DD on this as we both love Queen and she is really taking an interest in lyrics to songs. I also think it's important to listen and respond if someone talks to you.

OH & DD2 love them too and we often listen to their CDs in the car, all together. Not really sick of it at all. OH had started a conversation, DD1 made her request, which OH heard, then he carried on talking. I was more than happy to listen to the song (it was "Save Me" if anyone's interested!). But I think she was v unreasonable to shout & scream at OH. I never would have got away with that with my dad!

I also didn't mean to create a poll - thought I'd deleted it but apparently not!! X

I think the H was really rude here.

DD1 is unreasonable.

I'm guessing if she's obsessed this isn't the first time? If this happens daily on car trips with them all, then I'd chuck the lot out and drive off. What are the arguments usually about?

Oh right, so she interrupted his conversation.

I’d be really upset as a teenager that my father had zero respect for me to not even listen to one request

She must have felt so belittled

DD definitely unreasonable then. Her dad and sister are having a conversation which she's demanding should stop to appreciate lyrics she already knows.

I’m intrigued to know which Queen track it was!

I feel a bit sorry for your dd1 because she just wanted to share her passion with everyone, even if it was a bit boring for everybody! She did ask nicely initially too. Your husband could have been a little kinder. He could have said “sorry we don’t want to be quiet, we’re talking”. Or “another time perhaps”. He shouldn’t have just ignored her.

But your comments that arguments start with her regularly suggest that she might be a bit inflammatory?

If someone demanded that I listen to a songs lyrics, I would probably talk a over it aswell. I'm with your dh on this one.

chilly I agree with you .

Sadly it’s typical brattish teenage behaviour, from young people who expect the world to revolve around them (you can tell what age my DS is ).

No doubt there will now be a chorus of ‘my teenager is charming’ and ‘I l love the teenage years’, ‘love chatting to them and hearing their views’ from some mumsnetters .