To think it’s socially acceptable in Britain to shout at children?

[backdoormadness]

Since I’ve noticed how disgusting some parents talk/shout/disrespect their children I see it everywhere.

-the neighbours who for six months of the year I can hear them yelling at their kids in the garden (their garden is about 10x15m). Most ironically the dad yelling at them as they were playing too loudly (it wasn’t the kids disturbing my peace).

-when I said excuse me to a lady in a shop who turned around to her child “get out of the way” (it was her trolley in the way). I’m sure if it was he Oh she would have said “babe, you’re in the way”.

• the toddler who was happily dillidalling walking in an empty car park as she was watching a huge flock of birds in the sky “I’ve had enough of you, get in the car NOW, I TOLD YOU TO MOVE”. Just imagine if it was her OH talking to her like that, everyone else in my party would have flinched but as it was to a child it’s somewhat acceptable?

These last two have been in the last week.

I wish it was more acceptable to challenge this kind of ‘parenting’, or at least for it not to be seen as normal.

Go ahead and ‘challenge it’ it then. What’s stopping you?

When it's the 6th time in 5 minutes my tweens get in the way of me or someone else because they are talking incessantly about nothing, or asking me for the 20th time 'can I have' or walking out across the car park despite being old enough to know better I absolutely talk to mine like that. Adults tend not to do those things.

I dont see how any of your examples are 'disgusting'. The trolley example in particular, it is so stressful going shopping with your children. You have no idea how many times previously she asked in a less annoyed manner for her child to move. They dont have the same attention span as an adult partner - if I had to tell mine to get out of someone's way for the 5th time in half an hour, yes I'd probably be snappy as well.

Screaming, swearing, grabbing - those are awful parenting traits that you should save your 'gentle parenting' judgements for.

My experience of seeing this happen- it is always the same type of parent

I don’t shout much but I actually did today. It was along the lines of your third example. A lot of things had happened beforehand.

Anyone “challenging” me just at that moment would have been politely but firmly challenged back.

Sadly, it's socially acceptable in some circles. Thankfully, not in most of society, I think.

I notice it more amongst less privileged families. Perhaps the middle classes know not to do it in public? Or perhaps it's people whose lives are difficult and don't have the head space to consider that there's a different way to treat children?

Of course, there's every chance that my subjective experience may be unrepresentative.

Of course it’s acceptable. They are children. I’m not going to talk to them like adults. I shout at my own often if they've been naughty or are about to do something dangerous. I’ve even shouted at other people’s when they been behaving terribly at a birthday party (think fighting and hitting).

I'd really like parenting to be taught in schools. I think a lot of people have children without being fully prepared.

I'm sympathetic towards stressed parents, but I do believe it can be done without shouting. However, I think a lot of people reach a point where they snap at their kids.

I’m assuming you’ve never had children.

Perhaps the middle classes know not to do it in public?

Didnt take long for the class snobbery to rear its head. Middle class repress they're annoyance at their children until they get home, it explains the gammony look about them in Tesco.

Hmmm yes, do you have children OP?

@FriedasCarLoad perhaps the middle classes know not to do it in public

this has to be a joke
1.) If it is acceptable in private, why not in public
2.) You have noticed in the lower class because you are a ***
3.) Maybe the middle class don't have time to shout at their children since they are all so busy judging and pitying the lower class.

Shouldn't that be Waitrose? The MC would never be seen in Tesco

Children need to be taught how to behave like decent people, but the reality of life is that parents don't always have the time to explain why they need to get in the car for the 64th time in the last 10 minutes. Everyone at some point in life needs to do what they're told, or there are concequences. Children will push boundaries because that's part of growing up, and sometimes a firmer line is needed as they've learned that actually, there's no concequences to not doing what you're told, just a conversation. That gets dangerous when it comes to things like roads and touching things that can cause a child harm.
My DD is 16 now, and she still says now that she knew she'd really gone too far if I shouted. It was a concequence of her behaviour. My job to teach her what's acceptable and what's not.
I do see parents grabbing at children, calling them names, telling them they're useless etc and I think that's bad parenting - shouting as a concequence of not doing as they're told isn't always.

YANBU-In comparison with other countries I visit regularly the UK is shocking. Everyone snaps now and again, but it really isn't acceptable to make a habit of shouting at your family members, whatever their ages. If you yell at your DC on a regular basis something is badly wrong, and screeching will only make it worse.

I think sadly people are busy, stressed and over-threshold much of the time. Shouting is a hallmark of feeling overwhelmed. Not everyone can behave in a measured, rational way 24/7.

Have you had kids OP?

I agree OP. Teachers manage behaviour of a whole class without shouting

It’s not acceptable to shout at another adult or physically hurt them yet so many think it’s ok to do so with children. Children who cannot remove themselves from the situation.

I very rarely raise my voice. But I am human and sometimes I do. If that makes me a bad parent then fair enough.

I never imagined I’d be shouty or snappy wit my kids. I was naive. Kids can be so annoying and ridiculous, anyone who says they wouldn’t shout or talk in a snappy way to their kids is totally unrealistic.

They’re not adults, they’re children though. If my OH had deliberately dilly dallied for the umpteenth time, I would have given him a snippy comment.
Your teaching your children social norms too. People will get annoyed if you piss about.

Hi OP. Wondering if you have any children past the adorable baby stage yet?

Unfortunately no matter what we do parents are always judged

A quick command is better than the pathetic pleading routine you see employed to cajole child into being good.

Which, I suppose, is at least preferable to the other tactic where a parent engages in the endless explanations about why a child's behaviour them feel so terribly sad and disappointed.

Yes, I think a short shout is preferable to all the emotionally intensive drama lama antics of the supposedly kind parent that ultimately leaves a child emotionally bewildered and anxious.

You get judged for shouting, you get judged if your children are misbehaving. You get judged for blocking up the space. You get judged if they make too much noise. Or if they're using screens in public. Once I got told off because my kid had the "wrong shoes" on. Once because I hadn't cut his sandwich into enough pieces. But yeah, mostly it's disciplining the kids that I get told off for, mostly by old men. These men are such child care experts!

I want to not care what random strangers think, and motherhood keeps throwing up opportunities to practice. That's why mothers end up the best kind of people. We're so lucky.

@Oneborneverydecade, of course your right . I wouldn't really know, I'm an ASDA shopper. I find they have the best acoustics for yelling at my pain in the arse kids.