Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mum crashing my plans

153 replies

Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 12:29

I’ll start by saying that I live in a smallish area with a big school, so it feels like I can’t leave the front door without ‘bumping’ into a school mum.
I found a playgroup a car drive away, which is great value for money and a nice group of parents, none of whom are connected to my children’s school.
I like going for the anonymity and for the ability to chat to other parents without fear of ‘something’ getting back to ‘someone’.
One of the school mums invited me to a soft play with her friend. I nicely declined as we had plans. She probed further and I stupidly said we were going to x playgroup.
Next week, who shows up at said playgroup? This school mum with her friends.
I’m annoyed as I feel like my tiny piece of peace has been invaded. I can’t relax there anymore and feel like she’s ruined it for me. DH says I’m BU and it’s open to everyone. I just wish I’d lied about our plans to avoid this happening but I actually didn’t think she would just turn up (with her gaggle of friends).

OP posts:
lovemenorca · 18/12/2019 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lovemenorca · 18/12/2019 12:31

I mean You ARE BVVVU!!

ChristmasSpiritsOnThRocksPleas · 18/12/2019 12:32

I don’t understand why it matters. Are the parents at the school really weird or something?

Original poster
Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 12:32

Why though?
If one of my friends said they were going to a soft play next Tuesday, I would never dream of just turning up with a group of mates and being like ‘hi’!

OP posts:
Stressedout10 · 18/12/2019 12:33

Yadnbu
There is nothing nasty or small minded about not wanting to deal with school mums all the time

Original poster
Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 12:33

@ChristmasSpiritsOnThRocksPleas not weird, just quite intense.

OP posts:
Cyllie33 · 18/12/2019 12:34

Sorry OP, YABU and your DH is right. Can you be friendly with the school mums? Or if not for some reason then just be polite to them and socialise with the other parents at the playgroup.

JacquesHammer · 18/12/2019 12:35

A playgroup is intended to be open to everyone.

YABU

ChardonnaysDistantCousin · 18/12/2019 12:35

Maybe they went to the place because they fancied going there, it doesn’t have to be about you.

Now if that keeps happening, then you might have a point.

AryaStarkWolf · 18/12/2019 12:36

I don't think you're BU to be annoyed about it(in your own head) but it's your own fault for not keeping schtum :p

OhChristmasTreee · 18/12/2019 12:36

Wow menorca who rattled your cage??

LochJessMonster · 18/12/2019 12:36

I mean obviously you don't 'own' the playground and you can't stop them from coming, but it is a bit annoying that you mention it and then they all turn up.

lovemenorca · 18/12/2019 12:36

* If one of my friends said they were going to a soft play next Tuesday, I would never dream of just turning up with a group of mates and being like ‘hi’!*

Because clearly you are rather unfriendly whereas this woman is... friendly!

keepingbees · 18/12/2019 12:36

I kind of get what you're saying, but she's obviously friendly if she invited you to softplay first. It's only a playgroup, so a couple of hours a week I assume. It's not like she's invading your whole life, and what could be said at a playgroup that you wouldn't want getting back to anyone? Surely you're just there so you and your child can generally socialise. I can't see how it matters if someone from the school is in the same room.

Original poster
Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 12:36

@cyllie33 that’s one of the issues. If I don’t now spend the playgroup with them I’m effectively shunning them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 12:39

@keepingbees again, that’s one of the issues. The area is small and I do bump into the other mums a lot! I was really enjoying this environment where I could chat to new people.

OP posts:
toycar · 18/12/2019 12:40

well tough, you don't get to dictate where people can and can't go (but i understand wanting be go incognito sometimes).

peachescariad · 18/12/2019 12:40

YANBU....I totally get that it's nice to go to different playgroups and meet people and I get why you'd be somewhat miffed, but unfortunately, that seem so be the nature of playgroups, people want to try a different one especially if someone has told them about a group they didn't know about.

Maybe they won't turn up again especially if it's a drive. I'd just stick with the parents you've been meeting up with and fingers crossed the new lot won't muscle in!

keepingbees · 18/12/2019 12:40

But you still can, you don't have to sit with these mums just because they're from the school. Say hello and then chat to who you want

BellsAJingleTheRoastedChestnut · 18/12/2019 12:40

I get why you're a bit peeved. I also like feeling g 'anonymous'. But these playgroups are open to everyone, so not a lot you can do, other than hunt around for another one!

Elbeagle · 18/12/2019 12:40

They probably just thought ‘ooh that playgroup sounds good, we’ll give it a try’. Nothing more to it really. They’re open to everyone.

IndecentFeminist · 18/12/2019 12:41

I understand being peeved. But that doesn't mean she's done anything wrong. She heard about a new playgroup and decided to try it out.

Original poster
Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 12:41

@lovemenorca
I’m friendly at the other places I see them. Tbh I don’t have a lot in common with them. We are very different people. I do see them at other groups and was enjoying this little time out. Now they have invaded it.
And yes, they are going every week now.

OP posts:
BellsAJingleTheRoastedChestnut · 18/12/2019 12:41

I also don't think the other mum is wrong to come along btw. But I get why you're sad to miss out on your weekly escape.

nowaypose · 18/12/2019 12:42

Maybe she wants to be your friend hence inviting you to softplay? Not sure what your issue is with her really. She probably thought she’d check the playgroup you mentioned out, perhaps hadn’t heard of it before. I don’t think she has malicious intentions.