School mum crashing my plans

[Molly2016]

I’ll start by saying that I live in a smallish area with a big school, so it feels like I can’t leave the front door without ‘bumping’ into a school mum.
I found a playgroup a car drive away, which is great value for money and a nice group of parents, none of whom are connected to my children’s school.
I like going for the anonymity and for the ability to chat to other parents without fear of ‘something’ getting back to ‘someone’.
One of the school mums invited me to a soft play with her friend. I nicely declined as we had plans. She probed further and I stupidly said we were going to x playgroup.
Next week, who shows up at said playgroup? This school mum with her friends.
I’m annoyed as I feel like my tiny piece of peace has been invaded. I can’t relax there anymore and feel like she’s ruined it for me. DH says I’m BU and it’s open to everyone. I just wish I’d lied about our plans to avoid this happening but I actually didn’t think she would just turn up (with her gaggle of friends).

@IndecentFeminist don’t you think it’s a bit strange though to know I go there and not mention you were going to try it? I see them most mornings at school drop off and at other local playgroups.

If I’d wanted to go with them I would have extended an invite.
I get that I don’t ‘own’ the playgroup but like I said, if this mum had said in passing she goes to x soft play every Tuesday morning, it would never occur to me to change my plans and just head there to meet her without mentioning it first.

Yanbu to feel annoyed, and I completely understand. However, you can’t stop them from going.

I don’t think she’s done anything wrong. She was planning to go to soft play (paid) and heard from you about a free, open to all playgroup that they could try instead.
Honestly I get why it’s mildly annoying for you, but I really don’t think she’s done anything wrong. Maybe they only decided that morning?

Can you find a different playgroup a bit further away to go to instead?

I do understand where you are coming from, although it seems that they like you and want to spend tie with you, rather than just cramping your style.

time not tie!

I don't understand why you don't want to be friends with the mums from school. And what are you saying that you don't want repeated? You sound a bit hard work

@Elbeagle it’s not free but is more cost effective then our local soft plays I guess.

You definitely should’ve lied OP.

There is a music group I take DD to that is held at 2 market towns, one about 8 miles away, the other 15 miles. The Mums in my village go to the nearest, I drive to the furthest one (and don’t tell them) to avoid seeing local people. Sometimes you just want a break from the village gossip!

Did they come and sit with you? If not then they didn't come to meet with you. They came to try out a new soft play.

Playgroup*

@MotherofDinosaurs i spend enough time with them!
I don’t even want to talk to them about my plans for the weekend now in case I turn around and there they are.

You're not unreasonable to feel disappointed that you've lost your little haven but you are unreasonable to be annoyed at the other school mum. She just heard of a new playgroup and wanted to go. You don't own it.

I totally get this!

Totally understand why you’re disappointed to lose your ‘space’.

She’s done nothing wrong though - in attending too, or in not telling you.

Going to a okay group that someone else attends is not the same as turning up at a trip to soft play.

That’s like the difference between signing your child up for a swimming lesson someone else is in, and turning up at a group of friends taking their kids swimming on a social trip out.

I live in not-a-small-place and surely this is just part and parcel of having children the same age as someone else - that you literally bump into them everywhere ...? If you don't want to engage with them, then just say that you want to focus on 1 on 1 time with your child at the group. Or something.

I can see why it's annoying, too. Though I doubt they are stalking you - it is far more likely to have been a case of them thinking 'Ooh, new playgroup, let's go and check it out' and liking it. So there isn't a lot you can do.

I don't understand what kind of things you want to avoid being spread about you at the school.

Don't share so much, especially with non-family

Never give specifics about place, activity or time
None of her business

"sorry, we've something else on" is all she needs to hear

I totally understand how you feel about this and it is a little bit strange for them all to just turn up without saying anything.
Obviously ots a free country blah, blah, blah everyone gets that.
I guess the question is where do you find your new bit of private sanctuary away from the school mums are there other groups?

YANBU to want and enjoy your bit of 'space' at this playgroup. YAN even BU to be a bit annoyed at them showing up. But YADBU to think they should have 'said something' to you before they went and to try and pin some type of 'blame' on them for showing up to a public venue.

Either continue going and suck it up or find another playgroup and keep your plans to yourself.

Are you very famous?

@themustressmhor the school mums are what I consider to be ultra PC. I have to think about the words I am using and the context of every sentence for fear of offending or something being taken the wrong way.
At this new group the mums are more relaxed and use simple terminology but now the group of school mums have joined I feel like I have to be careful about what I say all the time.

What kind of things do you say?

I get you - I would say not unreasonable, obviously they can go but annoying if that was your time out!

Time to start going to soft play on a Tuesday morning...?