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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School mum crashing my plans

153 replies

Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 12:29

I’ll start by saying that I live in a smallish area with a big school, so it feels like I can’t leave the front door without ‘bumping’ into a school mum.
I found a playgroup a car drive away, which is great value for money and a nice group of parents, none of whom are connected to my children’s school.
I like going for the anonymity and for the ability to chat to other parents without fear of ‘something’ getting back to ‘someone’.
One of the school mums invited me to a soft play with her friend. I nicely declined as we had plans. She probed further and I stupidly said we were going to x playgroup.
Next week, who shows up at said playgroup? This school mum with her friends.
I’m annoyed as I feel like my tiny piece of peace has been invaded. I can’t relax there anymore and feel like she’s ruined it for me. DH says I’m BU and it’s open to everyone. I just wish I’d lied about our plans to avoid this happening but I actually didn’t think she would just turn up (with her gaggle of friends).

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 18/12/2019 13:14

Molly I do not understand what you mean by "ultra PC".

Is being PC something to be dreaded and avoided? It ought not to be.

CatteStreet · 18/12/2019 13:14

'Ultra PC'? 'Simple terminology'?
Tbh, this rather makes it sound as if you don't want to have these other mums at the playgroup so you can be racist/disablist/etc in peace. But you can't possibly mean that, so what do you mean by 'ultra PC' and 'simple terminology'?

JacquesHammer · 18/12/2019 13:15

the school mums are what I consider to be ultra PC

What do you mean by this?

TheMustressMhor · 18/12/2019 13:16

Please don't tell me that this has something to do with the election.

Babysharkdoodoodood · 18/12/2019 13:16

If you know they're going to the playgroup next week, why don't you go to the the soft play?

JasonPollack · 18/12/2019 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 13:18

What I mean is that they look to take offence at everything.
I’m making up an example now, but things like if I were to say my son is being boisterous at the moment they would immediately correct me that it’s not because he is a boy, some children are just more active then others. And then I’ll be thinking, I never said that it was because he is a boy.

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 18/12/2019 13:18

Molly it would be helpful if you could just give a couple of examples.

Original poster
Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 13:19

Maybe ultra PC wasn’t the right phrase.
See! This is what I mean.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 18/12/2019 13:19

You were silly to tell her the name. You did that, you can't undo it. So, you're annoyed with yourself. That's how you feel but YWBU to blame anyone other than yourself.

Original poster
Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 13:20

Or if I say my first child was very independent and my second child is very clingy they’ll say ‘all children are different Molly, it’s not a first and second child thing’.

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 18/12/2019 13:20

Do you find it difficult to stick up for yourself with these women?

Or is it just one of two who make your life difficult? I have to say that I still don't fully understand why you wish they weren't at the playgroup.

Stayingstrong24 · 18/12/2019 13:20

The rational part of my brain would be saying, OK they have a right to go to a public playgroup that is open to anyone.

The irrational part of my brain would be very pissed off that they invaded my time away from them!

So, yes, I do get where you are coming from.

Honeyroar · 18/12/2019 13:21

I can understand why you want to go to things away from the local crowd. I do that too sometimes. But you’ve already made friends at your group. Can’t you just wave and smile at the other school mums but sit and chat with your friends from soft play?

I’m sure they didn’t come to the soft play just to follow you/see you. They probably just wanted to try it for their kids.

TheMustressMhor · 18/12/2019 13:23

Maybe ultra PC wasn't the right phrase. See! This is what I mean

Molly I am even more lost now. Sorry. I cannot quite figure out what you're upset about.

Cloudyapples · 18/12/2019 13:23

I think say hello and then breezily go and sit with the mums you’ve already got to know at this playgroup. Just because you know them from school doesn’t mean you now have to a it with them. The kids might be at school, your not - you are an adult and can choose not to sit with them! If you don’t like them much anyway then what does it matter?

makingmammaries · 18/12/2019 13:23

I’d be pissed off too. But would blame myself for giving too much away.

Original poster
Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 13:23

It’s usually discussions about the kids or school.

OP posts:
ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 18/12/2019 13:24

OP says the invaders will view her as shunning them if she doesn't talk to them at the new playgroup. Therefore she's effectively blocked from making friends with anyone else. That would be deeply frustrating to me!

Original poster
Molly2016 · 18/12/2019 13:24

So maybe ‘ultra PC’ was the wrong phrase because people are asking if it’s about race or politics and it’s not.

OP posts:
Equanimitas · 18/12/2019 13:27

If one of my friends said they were going to a soft play next Tuesday, I would never dream of just turning up with a group of mates and being like ‘hi’!

I don't understand why not. If you fancy a change of playgroup and one of your friends mentions that she takes her children to a local one that you haven't been to before, would you really feel prevented from going there?

CatteStreet · 18/12/2019 13:28

Honestly, OP, I know these examples are made up, but if that's all it is you're being a bit dramatic. People say this sort of thing. You nod, smile and do an internal eyeroll.l

Is it perhaps that you want to sound off about certain children/parents at the school?

Pantalaimon88 · 18/12/2019 13:28

”I think say hello and then breezily go and sit with the mums you’ve already got to know at this playgroup. Just because you know them from school doesn’t mean you now have to a it with them. The kids might be at school, your not - you are an adult and can choose not to sit with them! If you don’t like them much anyway then what does it matter?”

This. Why do you feel the need to “ditch” your new friends and hang out with the others? If I bumped into a work friend at the pub and they were with all of their non-work friends, I wouldn’t expect them to abandon them and entertain me.

You sound like you’re a bit intimidated by and afraid of these school mums.

HaileySherman · 18/12/2019 13:28

Yanbu, as long as you aren't trying to get them kicked out of the play group, lol. I don't see how anyone can say you're being unreasonable for having your feelings about something. It is what it is, nothing wrong with enjoying different crowd that you can feel a little more free around. Of course you're husband is correct that there's nothing you can do about it, but it's ok to feel infringed upon.

TheMustressMhor · 18/12/2019 13:28

Well if it is not about race or politics, what is it about? The school?

Change the subject to something else.