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To think that messaging someone at 4am is unreasonable

428 replies

Macaroni46 · 18/12/2019 05:20

So I've started chatting to a guy online. He seems very keen. Lots of flowery language, you're so beautiful etc lol but literally had only been messaging a few hours.
Gets to around 11pm I say I'm going to sleep now. Lots of flowery night nights from him but finally the messages stop.
Fast forward to 4.15am. I'm fast asleep and am abruptly woken by a message on my phone. I panic and think something's up with the DC (early 20s) or my ageing dad who's had some health scares recently.
I reply to the guy saying why are you messaging me at this time, you've woken me up? He replies saying what's my problem and he only wanted to wish me a good morning. (Or words to that effect). He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him (I told him I was not happy about being woken up). Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message. I told him I didn't think so and that he'd disrespected my boundaries. I won't be continuing the conversation or meeting him as he sounds unhinged!
I'm now wide awake, fuming cos I'm awake and wondering, this isn't normal is it? I'm not unreasonable for being f'ing furious for being woken in the night (he argued that technically its morning) and for feeling creeped out?

OP posts:

Christmasgravy · 18/12/2019 05:23

Put your phone on 'do not disturb'
Omit numbers you want to be able to contact you. (Both my DM and DCs can get through even when everyone else is silenced.)


KittyVonCatsworth · 18/12/2019 05:24

Block him. He's lovebombing you and it'll only get worse.


Christmasgravy · 18/12/2019 05:26

Also, this bloke is a creep.


ItsNovemberNotChristmas · 18/12/2019 05:33

You've had a lucky escape


Andahelterskelterroundmylittle · 18/12/2019 05:36

Jesus, red flags in his response ...block block block !


mauvaisereputation · 18/12/2019 05:36

He sounds like a massive weirdo but personally I think it's ok to message at night as people can put their phones on DND if they wish.


CasperGutman · 18/12/2019 05:42

To me, messages are like emails or letters - they're not sent with the expectation someone will deal with them instantly, like a phone call. I'd expect a message I sent during the night to be read in the morning, when someone woke up, so if I was awake for some reason I could imagine sending a "good morning" message to someone I was thinking about/flirting with!

Also, you said he's in another country so you have to expect him to send messages at weird times, surely?

His reaction sounds a little off though, but perhaps there are linguistic and/or cultural differences in play here....


Longdistance · 18/12/2019 05:43

Red flags 🚩 block him. You’ve had a lucky escape.


OwlBeThere · 18/12/2019 05:45

I don’t see anything wrong with messaging at night. I assume people turn their phones off or on silent at night if they dint want to be disturbed.


Macaroni46 · 18/12/2019 05:46

CasperGutman no he claims he's in London.
My aibu is his reaction to me saying you've disturbed me.

OP posts:

bluesteakandcheese · 18/12/2019 05:46

@Macaroni46 Some BIIIIIIIG big fat red flags waving here!!! As another post has said he is lovebombing you and it'll get worse, talking like that to you after only a few hours, Jesus Christ woman get this man blocked right now!!


GiveHerHellFromUs · 18/12/2019 05:47

I think you're a bit precious to be so upset by getting a message at 4am. Wouldn't you just roll turn the sound off on your phone and roll away and fall back to sleep?

I put my phone on silent at night because I know if someone calls the light will wake me up.

I also message people back in the early hours if I wake up and see a message from them.

But yeah he sounds like a massive weirdo.


InTheBleakMidwinterIWouldSing · 18/12/2019 05:48

I’m partly missing the point but I’d love to know what country he’s from where women love to be woken up at 4am Grin


BoomBoomsCousin · 18/12/2019 05:50

I think texting at any hour is fine and wouldn't expect a text message to someone to wake them up so in that sense I think YABU. But if someone told me it had woken them up I would apologise and not text them at that time again - his response is a huge red flag and you're wisely dropping him - so in that sense YANBU at all..


OwlBeThere · 18/12/2019 05:50

His reaction is batshit. Utterly. But I do think if I sent someone a nice message I’d be put out if they had a go at me for it. I think you are just not compatible.


Josephinebettany · 18/12/2019 05:53

YABU for not putting your phone on silent at night.
He sounds weird.


Gwenhwyfar · 18/12/2019 05:57

"Wouldn't you just roll turn the sound off on your phone and roll away and fall back to sleep?"

No, a lot of people can't just go back to sleep if woken up in the middle of the night.
I leave my phone in another room, but I couldn't cope with having to turn it on and off/change volume all the time.


Gwenhwyfar · 18/12/2019 05:58

"To me, messages are like emails or letters - they're not sent with the expectation someone will deal with them instantly, like a phone call."

They're somewhere in between an email and a phone call. They don't need to be answered instantly, but they usually require an answer much more quickly than an email. Think about when and why you send texts. It's usually because you want to reach the person wherever they are.


blackcat86 · 18/12/2019 06:00

I'm massively guilty of this because my sleep routine is out of whack since pregnancy and now with a toddler the dead of night is really the only quiet I get to catch up. If you dont to be disturbed put your phone on silent. His response is concerning through and says a lot about his views and values. I responded to a friends message (she messaged in the evening but I'd fallen asleep in front of Netflix and woke at 1am) and when I responded it woke her up. This rarely happens but I was very apologetic because that obviously wasnt my intention


StreetwiseHercules · 18/12/2019 06:04

Mad on both sides with this one. They guys sounds nuts but who doesn’t have their phone on silent or DND at night?


KatherineJaneway · 18/12/2019 06:11

He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him

What an arsehole


MsChatterbox · 18/12/2019 06:17

I text at all times of night. It very rarely happens but if it wakes someone up I feel terrible. I just assume their phone is on silent like mine and they will read it in the morning.

You are not being unreasonable about his response. Asking for an apology when you let your feelings known? Good job you've ditched him. I think most normal people would feel bad about waking someone up.

He's got it twisted. Some women like to wake up to a text, not be woken up by one.


Shoxfordian · 18/12/2019 06:18

Lucky escape there
Block and delete op


MrsToothyBitch · 18/12/2019 06:28

You could put your phone on DND, I do this as friends in different time zones message at odd hrs. UK friend works an early shift so is up and may message at 4, too. I just reply when I wake.

The way this guy replied to you though is really a red flag!


Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2019 06:29

His reaction was nasty and ridiculous. I also think getting rid would be a good option.

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