To think that messaging someone at 4am is unreasonable

[Macaroni46]

So I've started chatting to a guy online. He seems very keen. Lots of flowery language, you're so beautiful etc lol but literally had only been messaging a few hours.
Gets to around 11pm I say I'm going to sleep now. Lots of flowery night nights from him but finally the messages stop.
Fast forward to 4.15am. I'm fast asleep and am abruptly woken by a message on my phone. I panic and think something's up with the DC (early 20s) or my ageing dad who's had some health scares recently.
I reply to the guy saying why are you messaging me at this time, you've woken me up? He replies saying what's my problem and he only wanted to wish me a good morning. (Or words to that effect). He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him (I told him I was not happy about being woken up). Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message. I told him I didn't think so and that he'd disrespected my boundaries. I won't be continuing the conversation or meeting him as he sounds unhinged!
I'm now wide awake, fuming cos I'm awake and wondering, this isn't normal is it? I'm not unreasonable for being f'ing furious for being woken in the night (he argued that technically its morning) and for feeling creeped out?

Or ditch him, even.

I don't mind messages in the night as my phone's on silent but his reaction is awful especially for someone you've not even met.

Messaging at night is fine. That's what the 'do not disturb' function is for, only specific numbers set by you will make your phone make noise/vibration.

That said, this dude sounds like a creep and even just reading his response to your upset makes me feel really gross. Block him.

NurseButtercup
Somebody is going to tell you off for being ageist.

Well, I didn’t use those exact words!

Having a landline is useful in my specific circumstances. I wouldn’t need one if there were other mobiles in the house that I could use if mine failed. I was just pointing out the illogicality of thinking landlines were old-fashioned but not putting your mobile on DND at night wasn’t. Lol (as the youngsters would say).

YABU

Switch your phone to silent or not disturb mode.
My home country has an 8 hours time difference with my current place of living and my friends and family often message me when I am sleeping because I’m 8 hours ahead of them.

It’s always a nice thing for me when I wake up to grab my phone and see some lovely messages from my loved ones.

I wouldn’t mind the early Morning text- people get up at different times I have small children and reply to messages on night feeds as do my other friends but I know their phones are in silent. His response is vile tho

You've both been completely unreasonable.

You're way OTT on the night time messaging (try having family on the other side of the world). Put your phone on silent, for heaven's sake, and/or suck it up when you forget.

He edges it, though.

Run. Run like the wind. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Block him OP.

Lol. Landlines are for pensioners.

What utter bollocks. I don't know anyone who doesn't have a landline.

"Those of you who allow certain calls at night, what would happen if for example the police tried to get hold of you (which I'm thinking would be the most likely form of contact in a major emergency) or a friend of your family member? When we had an emergency, it was an unknown friends of DCs who contacted me."

Most phones have an option where if someone calls three times, it overrides the silent function.

On the Galaxy, it's called "Repeat Callers", not sure on iphone.

I think you were a bit over the top & stroppy about being messaged during the night. Don't most people just put their phones on silent before they go to sleep?

Having said that, though, his response is completely barmy and I reckon you should have nowt more to do with him.

So many red flags! Fucking weirdo.

Just to say that not everyone has do not disturb on their phone that can still allow calls/text from the right people.

Fancy phones are expensive.

It’s selfish people texting when they know you will be asleep. Friends have done that to me and it’s like look at me I’m awake so early, where I couldn’t give a shit. I then put them on the block list at night so if they need me tough. I need my phone on through the night and I can’t just put it on silent and once I’m awake I can’t get back to sleep so yanbu at all

If people don't have a landline then they need to manage their mobile appropriately and have it on silent for text overnight. In a real emergency someone will phone.

The whole point of texts in my opinion is that they can be sent at convenience of sender and read at convenience of receiver. However I am also aware that 50% of MN doesn't agree with this.

My daughter is a nurse. She said that people putting their phones on do not disturb is creating huge problems for her hospital. Likewise people not answering their phones if the don't recognise the number on display.

The outcome can be tragic when relatives don't make it in time to see a loved one when there's been an emergency

I've done the 4am messaging.
It was before I had a smart phone, although most people did. I switched the phone off overnight as otherwise the battery was drained by the morning.
One night I woke at 4am, couldn't sleep, and had something to sort out via messages. So I sent them, assuming everyone, like me, had the phone off and would get them when they woke in the morning.
They didn't. I had a few replies by 5am!
I apologised, said I'd assumed they'd get them in the morning, and we had a bit of a laugh about it next time I saw them. Haven't done it again though.

@TeenPlusTwenties Exactly. Texts you can send whenever and reply when convenient. Phone calls are for emergencies.

Eww horrible man. What a freak. I hope you can move on safely without him.

No it’s not normal... he’s nuts.

But surely, nurses/A&E department should have access to the tel of the next of king as well as landline number of that person?

Is there so many people nowdays that dont have a landline anymore that you cant join them on that number??

Re withheld number - when I was at work (not ft) I was often rung and offered extra days but from a withheld number. It was infuriating as if I wanted the work Id have to answer every wn just in case.

I was about to say landlines are a waste of £££ when you've got unlimited calls included in your mobile phone package.

My landline is included in the internet payment anyway......

And I dont have unlimited call on my mobile, Now THAT is a waste of money!!

He's testing your boundaries already. Time to move on quietly - don't try to earnestly explain your POV more, he'll exploit anything you say or take it as a challenge to step up until he's wormed his way in further. Voice of (bitter) experience here. It won't get any better if it's like this at the start. It's obsessive behaviour which goes equally as bad as it does nice. So the OTT flowery and flattering messages could likely become equally OTT aggressive and/or menacing messages.

From what you've written OP i would be blocking and deleting him.
If what you've written is really how he thinks then you have to wonder what other ideals he has?
Woman obeying man?
Woman chained to kitchen sink?
Man is always right?
Nope, get rid.