To think that messaging someone at 4am is unreasonable

[Macaroni46]

So I've started chatting to a guy online. He seems very keen. Lots of flowery language, you're so beautiful etc lol but literally had only been messaging a few hours.
Gets to around 11pm I say I'm going to sleep now. Lots of flowery night nights from him but finally the messages stop.
Fast forward to 4.15am. I'm fast asleep and am abruptly woken by a message on my phone. I panic and think something's up with the DC (early 20s) or my ageing dad who's had some health scares recently.
I reply to the guy saying why are you messaging me at this time, you've woken me up? He replies saying what's my problem and he only wanted to wish me a good morning. (Or words to that effect). He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him (I told him I was not happy about being woken up). Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message. I told him I didn't think so and that he'd disrespected my boundaries. I won't be continuing the conversation or meeting him as he sounds unhinged!
I'm now wide awake, fuming cos I'm awake and wondering, this isn't normal is it? I'm not unreasonable for being f'ing furious for being woken in the night (he argued that technically its morning) and for feeling creeped out?

Weirdo!

Set your clock and message him morning at 2am if you can be bothered ... payback hope he is sleeping .. then deffo block he is a fruitloop.

Is he a Prince?

I'd have had my finger hovering over the block button WAY before the 4am text.

Too much too soon, plus the guilt trip? Ugh.

"Should be grateful" run op. Not normal. Run for the hills. But as above. DnD or just off as the important people will have your landline.

I’d not be impressed if someone texted me at 4am.
Just block him sounds too full on any way.

"Should be grateful" - absolutely! Be grateful he has shown his true colours so early on.

Run for the hills.

What a knob.
Why would anyone text at 4am.

I always leave my phone on low volume if my teens are out late or away.

Putting it on DND would stop them reaching me. I would be livid at being woken up. I need my sleep.

BTB and BTB

(Or, block the bloke and back to bed) 😁

YABU about being messaged at 4am, or any time. A text or message isn't something that is sent with the expectation that it will be seen immediately. Put your phone on silent or turn it off if you're bothered ny it.

YANBU about this guy specifically, who sounds batshit and creepy.

Also, you said he's in another country so you have to expect him to send messages at weird times, surely?

From another country, not necessarily in it.

I don't have my phone off or on DND at night. I expect people not to message between 10pm and 7am unless it's an emergency. I don't text during those hours unless it's urgent.

It's his response that is really off OP. Texting at 4am you could maybe forgive as a lot of people here seem to think it's OK. Berating the other person for not liking it is U. Berating you for not liking it and demanding you apologise is red flag a go-go.

B.L.O.C.K.!

Put your phone on silent or turn it off if you're bothered ny it.

I don't want or need my phone on silent overnight. I need people not to contact me at unreasonable hours unless it's an emergency.

I'd be blocking his number. A normal reaction would have been for him to apologise, in your culture messaging someone at 4am is rude.

Mine is on do not disturb until 7am ... but I'm a terrible insomniac so made the mistake of sending 5am texts myself thinking he would also have do not disturb ... he doesn't. That said I've changed my settings so his break through the dnd now as he tends to call later, after 10 when it kicks in.

He's a creep.
But you could turn your phone off anyway. Mines always off at night, I have a separate alarm and a landline.

He’s a nutter or a chancer. Be grateful for the heads up and block. Put your phone in night mode/DND in future.

To those saying that they need their teen kids to be able to contact them ... iPhones at least deal with this by listing them as favourites, they break through the barrier then. I'm guilty of sending stuff in the middle of the night!

His reaction was excessive and I would definitely get rid for that reason alone. You were rude though and daft to not have your phone on either do not disturb or silent etc. So fault on both sides here.

I think you both sound strange

I reply to messages at that time (did this morning in fact) as that's when I get up and I don't really check my phone after that as I'm at work. If people don't have their phone on silent that's their fault.

No problem with messaging at 4am as your fault phone not turned off on silent. Tbh the phone shouldnt be in same room as you when sleeping. No idea why you messaged back. His response very strange.

Unless your phone is old, you can easily change the settings to make it possible for certain people to be able to get through eg I have my phone on silent but if my husband calls/messages, it rings. Most also have an emergency function where if someone calls you three times in a row, it overrides the silent function.

It's totally normal to send text messages at whatever time, if it disturbs you, change the settings. You can't expect everyone to keep the same timetable as you.

He sounds like a dick though. On that point yanbu.

I think you might be a victim of a scam to boot.... I bet you are messaging a con artist somewhere else in the world. He’s not the chap you think he is!

It's up to you to control what noises your phone makes I'm afraid.