To think that messaging someone at 4am is unreasonable

[Macaroni46]

So I've started chatting to a guy online. He seems very keen. Lots of flowery language, you're so beautiful etc lol but literally had only been messaging a few hours.
Gets to around 11pm I say I'm going to sleep now. Lots of flowery night nights from him but finally the messages stop.
Fast forward to 4.15am. I'm fast asleep and am abruptly woken by a message on my phone. I panic and think something's up with the DC (early 20s) or my ageing dad who's had some health scares recently.
I reply to the guy saying why are you messaging me at this time, you've woken me up? He replies saying what's my problem and he only wanted to wish me a good morning. (Or words to that effect). He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him (I told him I was not happy about being woken up). Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message. I told him I didn't think so and that he'd disrespected my boundaries. I won't be continuing the conversation or meeting him as he sounds unhinged!
I'm now wide awake, fuming cos I'm awake and wondering, this isn't normal is it? I'm not unreasonable for being f'ing furious for being woken in the night (he argued that technically its morning) and for feeling creeped out?

Think about when and why you send texts. It's usually because you want to reach the person wherever they are.

That doesn’t mean you have to be contactable at all time though. Most if the time texts are about things that can wait anyway. So up to the owner if the phone to actually decided when they want to be contactable or not.
Personally I’m nit contactable at night. My sleep is too important!

"That doesn’t mean you have to be contactable at all time though. Most if the time texts are about things that can wait anyway. So up to the owner if the phone to actually decided when they want to be contactable or not."

Yes, of course, you don't have to answer straight away, but for long term questions people generally now use Facebook messenger or Whatsapp or even still email.

Texting at that time isn’t unreasonable. I presume most people have their phone on silent or do not disturb overnight. However his reaction to you was massively unreasonable.

That is why my phone stays downstairs while I sleep upstairs

Thank you all for your responses. Now I've been back to sleep and feel a little more normal lol I take on board that my response to him may have been a little UR and weirdly I do usually have my phone on silent overnight. Must've forgotten to switch it last night!
But I do think his response was odd and along with the excessively gushy language, I won't be messaging him back or meeting him going forwards.

Those of you who allow certain calls at night, what would happen if for example the police tried to get hold of you (which I'm thinking would be the most likely form of contact in a major emergency) or a friend of your family member? When we had an emergency, it was an unknown friends of DCs who contacted me.

Not that it matters now as hopefully you are going to block him but in the future do your due diligence and double check he is not some online scammer.
My best friend had exactly the same, over the top flowery language sent through the night. She put his name and photo into Google and it came up that he was a Nigerian online dating scammer using a photo of a good looking man from Canada.
We should have realised something was up as when we zoomed into the photo he was wearing a bowling top with a Canadian team on it and had said he was from the North East of England!

Oh and sorry OP, should have said, glad you've kicked him into touch.

He sounds like a creep, you’ve had a lucky escape.

I too wish people would think before sending texts in the middle of the night. Nine times out of ten they’re drivel anyway! 😄

@Gwenhwyfar, so according to you,it’s a given that, if you send someone a text, the person has to answer straight away?

He knows he woke you up and you weren't happy, but instead of apologising he says you should be grateful. He's telling you how you should feel, and arguing with you that he is right and your wrong! What a prick, dump him

I'm thinking would be the most likely form of contact in a major emergency) or a friend of your family member? When we had an emergency, it was an unknown friends of DCs who contacted me.

Emergency services would have access to your landline number as the emergency contact number.
House number is also in dcs phone and they both know very well that neither of us would answer a call on the mobile in the middle of the night.

My DH starts work at 6am so would often be up at 4:30 and would text - for me to see/reply once I woke up.

Another one here for why you sleep with your phone on loud. Do not disturb all the way with favourited contacts who can still get through.

I'd probably be abit peeved if you'd been so rude. He clearly didn't text to deliberately wake you up.

@Gwenhwyfar

Lol. Landlines are for pensioners.

Blimey, lol, I was about to say landlines are a waste of £££ when you've got unlimited calls included in your mobile phone package.

Somebody is going to tell you off for being ageist.

We don't have a landline.

Emergency services only have access to a landline number if you have a landline. I don't and I know many other people who don't. I have my phone on silent as I need to be connectable by phone (keyholder), so I'd be a bit annoyed/wierded out getting an unimportant text at 4am too. I'm glad you've stopped messaging though OP, he sounds concerning

YABU to not have your phone on do not disturb, and any contacts you need to be able to always contact you on emergency bypass.

I think texting someone at 4am, or anytime really, is perfectly acceptable, as you’re not actually expecting them to get back straight away. Just when they wake up or see the text or have a free moment.

His reaction, however, is a red flag and you should disengage with him for that alone.

But I don’t see the issue with him texting you at that time in and of itself.

Contactable*

Oh please tell us the country OP

Gwenhwyfar

Lol. Landlines are for pensioners.

I am a pensioner. I have a landline because I live alone and so it is a backup in case something happens to my mobile and I need to contact someone in an emergency. Also if there is a genuine emergency people can ring my landline!

I am however modern enough to set up my mobile on DND at night with favourites so I don’t get disturbed except in an emergency, rather than going round telling my friends not to text me at night. When I read that I thought you must be a pensioner!

So glad you’ve kicked him into touch, OP.

He's a freak. Dutch him.