To think that messaging someone at 4am is unreasonable

[Macaroni46]

So I've started chatting to a guy online. He seems very keen. Lots of flowery language, you're so beautiful etc lol but literally had only been messaging a few hours.
Gets to around 11pm I say I'm going to sleep now. Lots of flowery night nights from him but finally the messages stop.
Fast forward to 4.15am. I'm fast asleep and am abruptly woken by a message on my phone. I panic and think something's up with the DC (early 20s) or my ageing dad who's had some health scares recently.
I reply to the guy saying why are you messaging me at this time, you've woken me up? He replies saying what's my problem and he only wanted to wish me a good morning. (Or words to that effect). He goes on to say I should be grateful and happy he's thinking of me and I should apologise for being short with him (I told him I was not happy about being woken up). Told me in the country he's from a woman would be grateful to be woken up by a lovely message. I told him I didn't think so and that he'd disrespected my boundaries. I won't be continuing the conversation or meeting him as he sounds unhinged!
I'm now wide awake, fuming cos I'm awake and wondering, this isn't normal is it? I'm not unreasonable for being f'ing furious for being woken in the night (he argued that technically its morning) and for feeling creeped out?

[paap1975]

Your phone should be on flight mode during the night, otherwise it will be disrupting your sleep. It's really easy never to be disturbed by messages (phone off, in flight mode, on silent, in "do not disturb", etc.
That being said, the guy sounds unhinged. Run!

[Owlypants]

Tell him that men who wish to keep their testicles don't speak to women like that then block the creepy weirdo

[fitgirl26]

Flowery language when you’ve been messaging for a few hours, telling you you’re beautiful before you’ve even met? Text to say Good Morning at 4am? From my days on the online dating scene I recognise a Grade A nutter. I had a few like this and I let one get really nasty before I blocked him so just block and walk away.

[Prevegen4U]

If a man tells you you're beautiful and other such 'flowery' language, when he first meets you it is because the only thing he wants from you is sex and also believes women are idiots.

[DeathStare]

People messaging me in the night also do my head in, I'm a very light sleeper and struggle to sleep and they wake me up every time. My BF is the WORST for it. I've mentioned it several times and it seems to go in one ear and out the other.

However I think the real problem arises from this point onwards I reply to the guy saying why are you messaging me at this time, you've woken me up?

If at that point he'd said "Sorry, didn't realise. Won't do it again" then there's no significant problem. The fact he tried to argue with you that basically you needed to not only accept but be grateful for his way of doing things even though you'd made it clear you didn't like it.... That's the problem. And that's not going to change. That's not going to just apply to this issue. This is going to be his way of dealing with anything that makes you unhappy. Run.

[ememem84]

Another one who wants to know what country women would love to be women at 4am....

That said the reaction was a bit unhinged.

But as others have said if you can set up do not disturb on your phone. I’ve got a list of favourites (dh dparents and dsis) who will always get through even when phones on silent.

[puds11]

His reaction is disturbing! Thank god you found this out so soon.

[DangerMouse17]

I have no idea why people think this is acceptable. I dont out my phone on silent or DND at night because I like it on for emergencies I.e. a true family emergency so that i can be contacted if needed.

I would be really pissed off with anyone sending me a random text at some ridiculous hour, much in the same way I'd be annoyed with someone phoning me for a chat past 11pm. It's just disrespectful.

[GenderfreeJoe]

It doesn't matter if you had your phone on silent. What matters is that he did it deliberately and expected you to be ok, grateful even, that he had done that. This is a massive red flag, and I would consider very careful whether you want to be with this man. Because I suspect this behaviour is just the start.

[Patroclus]

Hes a conman, lynne.

[Lifeinaplasticbox]

"Should be grateful" - absolutely! Be grateful he has shown his true colours so early on.

Run for the hills.
Absolutely this

[Branleuse]

The last sort of man anyone needs is one that wakes you up at 4am

[rainbow1982]

He's a freak, block him

[FlamingoAndJohn]

Although blocking him would be the most obvious action you could say something along the lines of really not appreciating being woken like that, and see how he reacts.

[MzHz]

It’s not the time of the text, it’s his REACTION to your statement that he had disturbed you.

The ONLY response to that was “I’m sorry!” Then a reason could be “I thought everyone had their phones on silent overnight”

Telling You to apologise? Nah! Fuck that

He’s showing you who he is, he’s showing you that his wants are more important than you, and also if someone is very flowery very early on, it’s more likely to be live bombing and that’s because he’s up to something that will ultimately hurt you.

End it, block him and move along

If you let him off with this, there will be other things that will escalate and compound until there’s nothing left of you.

People who do this ALWAYS turn out to be abusive. It’s the script. Ignore it at your peril.

[Blueopal15]

Sending a message at 4am not really an issue - his reaction when you complained - odd - walk away !

[MzHz]

“you could say something along the lines of really not appreciating being woken like that, and see how he reacts.”

She already did @FlamingoAndJohn, he told her to apologise for being short with him.

There is no point in taking this forward, he’s bad news

[Loveislandaddict]

Lifeinaplastichas said what I thought. “Should be grateful. Urgh!

The only time I can foresee a 4.30am text to be acceptable, is if he (or you) worked shifts, so always got up at 4.30am, and was sending a quick message before work, however, with the expectation that the recipient would pick it up when they got up. Ie. 7pm (or whenever).

You tingling senses are making you feel creeped out. Listen to these senses!

[Oysterbabe]

While he sounds like a dick, yabu. It isn't his fault you don't use your phone properly. Messages are sent at the convenience of the sender and read at the convenience of the recipient. If you don't want to be disturbed set your phone so that only phone calls come through during the night or to allow messages from specific people.

[Miniloso]

Awful response from him. Block!!

[Lovemusic33]

Block him and move on, what a twat. I usually find the ones that tell you how amazing you are are the worst ones, they are trying to trap you and are likely to be a narcissist. Run for the hills and don’t look back.

[jillandhersprite]

i think you are right to block him...
fair enough some people do text at night and that in itself isn't wrong and you can either ask them to stop or switch your settings but his response was awful.

i am astounded though at the number of people that come on mumsnet about a situation and think that a guy is some kind of catch because he pays you so many compliments before a real life meeting - its classic drawing you in tactic if he's never met you in real life - they say what they think you want to hear but none of it is real.

[thecatsthecats]

Calls are synchronous communication - you need the receiver to be present, awake and accept the call.

Messages and emails are asynchronous. You, and anyone else imposing rules about when they can be sent, received or read, are being incredibly obtuse. Learn the settings on your phone and use them.

Oh and the guy sounds like a dick.

[Bjorksswandress]

Sending a message isn’t unreasonable as you have the option of DND setting. His response however tells you all you need to know. It’s good that he’s shown you what the future would hold before you went to the trouble of meeting up with him. You’ve dodged a bullet there.

[Keepmewarm]

I’m guilty of sending messages during the early hours because I work nights and forget that others are sleeping but I also assume that like me people have phones on silent when in bed.
His reaction is ridiculous though! I have apologised lots and explained my bad timing later when the person is awake.