If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

No you aren't, you're annoyed

Honestly, speaking as one who attended such groups but rarely officially helped, I just didn't think I could commit to it on any given day. I worked 3/4 days a week so didn't always go as planned and wanted my 'off' day not to be tied down. I absolutely appreciated the volunteers and would help with tidying etc when I was there but didn't want to be committed.

As you say, it's probably because they're too tired and busy.

I'm not a mum of multiples, but I am a single working mother of two children. I'm exhausted all the time and I'm just not reliable enough to take on additional commitments.

Maybe you can suggest that, if they want the group to continue, people could donate money instead of time to allow somebody to be paid to do this?

People who are time-poor may still be cash-rich enough to help out in a different way.

You have no idea what other commitments people have including volunteer or unpaid roles as well as jobs and families.

We all have to draw a line somewhere.

Maybe they don't want to volunteer with you. Your manner seems a little abrasive.

No you aren't, you're annoyed

This.

Maybe they're not coping
Is it possible to volunteer whilst your children are there?

Or possibly they don't value the group as much as you think.

Wow

The group sounds pretty full on - maybe they simply don’t feel up to the task. That’s life - people rely on support from others but don’t feel able to give it back. It’s a real shame. Is there any way you could recruit from the wider community? Older people who don’t have kids? They could run the physical group and then the multiple mothers could still offer the advice if they can? Might not work for your very specific type of group. I do understand why you’re upset but some people just don’t want the commitment or the pressure

Maybe they aren’t coping? Aniexty? Laziness? Personally though when mine were small I used to love helping at toddler group especially as I was already there with DC. Might be worth asking around like on Your local Facebook community pages etc for people to volunteer their time if it will close.

In my 16 years of parenting, the 6 months my dd attended playgroup remain among the most stressful. I had a 1 year old who I had to take with me. She would end up at the top of the climbing frame, in the glue or trashing the train track anytime I turned my back. I always left exhausted and often in tears.

I always did the kitchen stint as could keep her in a high chair for that but honestly it was so hard.

Thankfully there was a "pay a childminder to do your stint" option but that felt a bit silly as a SAHM. Is paying a play leader not an option for any of your parents who don't help?

I'd have been happy to support something like that with money and food/drink or whatever but the idea of actually working in a playgroup terrifies me. My mother in law helped run one years ago and was very good at it but she did a pre-school playgroup course. I can imagine me, had I committed to that, living in dread of my playgroup days - and I was very good with children in an informal setting. I also went out to work part time.

There's also the fact that people often can't stick to a regular commitment so best not to say they can.

Please try not to judge - we are all different.

I hope your playgroup goes well, it's a very important venture.

I help once a month at a local group it’s a lovely supportive group. I am the only helper who has children who attend, the rest of the helpers are retired or are stay at home parents whose kids are at school. We dbs check all helpers. We have a couple of midwives pop in too to give support to new mums which is awesome. I thunk you are looking for help in the wrong places.

Despite my disability and crippling anxiety, I always helped out where I could at groups. If I didn't think I'd manage it, I didn't go.

The reality is, multiples or not, other children too or not, people are all tired and several parents will also be working part time.

It wouldn't take much for everyone to take turns to do bits and pieces. Having to resort to paying to attend might help in the short term but long-term I think some people wouldn't go.

Well done you for bothering though.

I have attended different groups over the years. Some groups I have felt able to volunteer, others I haven't because I have felt I don't 'fit in' with the people who do volunteer and felt it would be too difficult.

At the moment I can't volunteer to do much. With work, one school age child, one toddler and a husband away a lot and very little sleep the time I spend at the toddler group is time for me to have a cup of tea and sit down and to offload to friends. I don't have the energy to do more because I am only just holding my world together and I feel I need the support at the moment.

Mmm I’m on the fence. I don’t like judging other people, you have no idea of what’s really going on in their lives. That said, I do think some people expect everyone else to volunteer without making a lot of effort but I think they’re in a small minority.

I think a lot of the time when people don’t volunteer it’s because they’re afraid of it becoming a black hole they’ll never escape from. Do you have role descriptions for the work you do?

I think it's a shame that so few people are willing to volunteer their time. People are never short of complaints about guide/scout leaders, sports coaches, playgroup organisers, church volunteers... but have no interest in volunteering their own time.
I think a lot of it is due to the cost of living increase, meaning people have to work more hours even when they have small children and so they have too much on their plate to take on more. Gone are the days when mums would volunteer to be a school governor or dad would be a Sunday football coach. They just rely on someone else to do it and complain when it's not done right.

Volunteering at group is turning up 20 mins early to get the toys out, set up the tea & coffee, chop fruit/cheese for snack, put the heating & lights on then at the end it’s putting the stuff away, turning off lights then locking up - about another 20 mins. Volunteers don’t have to pay the £2.50 fee if they do this. This year there were enough volunteers that’s each person only had to do either open or close once every 8 weeks.

The other committee roles such as hospital liaison, social media, treasurer etc do take more time but they are so valuable and all can be split or shared. 7 out of 8 current committee members work as well as volunteer.

I don’t think you are unreasonable. We have had the same issue in my local multiples playgroup (which I run) I think people think it’s more work than it is, are worried about committing and not being able to follow through or are just too exhausted to take anything else on.

Can you breakdown what needs to be done? With our playgroup, everyone helps setup and pack up so it’s not just left to one person and every other week an outside person is paid to run an activity.

I do think it’s unfair if it’s all left to one person. Everyone is busy and exhausted and has other commitments, but if you want to partake in the activity you need to also help out. In saying that, if you are the one running the group, you need to clearly set out the guidelines.

More people than you would imagine are wrestling with chronic illness.
More people than you would imagine have difficult home lives.
More people that you would imagine have minor convictions that they are not keen to disclose.

You, OP, seem to have an anger problem.

The group needs attendees as well as helpers - a bit like school fairs.

Let the group fold then if there is no appetite for volunteering in its existing model. Perhaps it has become over-complicated?

I was just trying to survive horrific PND. So I tidied up once or twice. But if anyone had asked for more, I would have gone home and cried and never gone back.

They probably want to go if it’s there, but not so much they want to give up theirs time. They don’t have to after all.