If you attend a parent-run playgroup but don’t volunteer, what makes you think you’re so special?

[asdapryce]

The group I chair is run by parent volunteers and will have to close after Easter unless the parents who attend week in, week out agree to go on the volunteer rota and help occasionally.

I don’t understand why they don’t. It’s a group for parents of multiples - we’ve all got 2+ babies and mostly other children too; we’re all tired; we’re all busy but we all benefit hugely from the support of the group yet literally no one has put their name forward to be on the committee after Easter and get involved in the week to week running of the group after Easter.

Not to mention the support we offer to expectant mothers of multiples in terms of running a talks with our local hospital and for all local twins+ parents through a large, active Facebook support group and a twins+ buy/sell/donate site.

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

I used to run a playgroup like that. It cost £2 to attend (although I made it clear that if you didn't have £2 to spare you should just not pay) you got a drink, snack for kids, tea or coffee and biscuit for adults and a craft. I often was a bit out of pocket on the craft to give a bit of variety. It was always the same few parents who helped wash up and clear up. Some parents clearly couldn't help if they had two toddler's who were having bad days and needed watching etc but there were quite a few who treated the playgroup as childcare - set around chatting or on their phone not watching their kids, didn't lift a finger then moaned about the craft. I think some people feel if they've "paid" (even for a volunteer run event which isn't even covering costs) they should be treated like royalty.

Not exactly a balanced, unbiased title – made me chuckle

Op I see your point. Thing is if there weren't volunteers these groups would cease to exist and its frustrating when you are the only one week in, week out managing it. Especially if you have asked for volunteers.
It can feel overwhelming offering to help, with the worry then that the existing leader decides they have had enough. This happened in my circumstances... We had a little committee of people running a toddler group. Overnight 3/4 decided they were stopping and only 1 new person stepped forward. It went from being an enjoyable task to feeling overwhelming.
Other people's suggestions about recruiting volunteers who are perhaps a bit older and want to fill their time by volunteering may take the pressure off.
Perhaps if you can't find any willing volunteers then maybe the group has just run it's course. You could keep the online presence and maybe arrange informal meet-ups at soft play (or whatever) every half term for people who benefit from the social support.

Because when you’ve got little ones and your sleep is interrupted endlessly, sometimes going to a baby/toddler group for an hour is the only time you get to sit down, drink a hot drink and talk to people who aren’t in nappies. Or not talk to anyone if you’re sick of chattering all day as it is.

Baby/toddler groups are fantastic and offer a huge amount of help and support to parents, I am eternally grateful for the wonderful women who run them, but honestly if I volunteered, it would stress me out ‘caring’ for tens of other children, cleaning up, making drinks, etc as that’s what I do all day anyway and my stress levels are already fully peaked.

I think you need to take it less personally. I’d be so disappointed if the women who run them thought like you, because your attitude completely contradicts all of the wonderful help that they offer.

Maybe you need to make volunteering a requirement to use the group.

^see, just an example of entitled CF gringringrin
because £2.50 gives you a service does it. Brilliant^

Well, yes it does. I've paid that much (or less) for a playgroup where no parents were expected to help, it was run by church volunteers and was as much for the benefit of the parents as it was for the babies/toddlers. I used to pay less than £2.50 to the school for their Early Morning Club where they had paid helpers to look after DDs for an hour before school started.

If the remit here is different, then the OP needs to be very clear on that and give people a choice of whether they want to help out, or go to another playgroup where they don't have to.

I feel exhausted reading the list of things your groups does/needs volunteers for. I have two toddlers and when I’m at playgroup I am constantly watching them, stopping fights etc. I couldn’t go and chop apples for 20 minutes. Plus I am constantly late to everything and don’t want to be committed to having to attend a group as my plans change all the time. I do hugely appreciate those who volunteer and would happily pay more to attend a group but I don’t have the time of energy to do more atm and if that makes me selfish then so be it.

I only ever went to baby group when I was on Mat Leave. I wasn't prepared to give up any of the free time I had during those precious few months.

It wasn't a suitable period of my life to volunteer.

I do what I feel I can manage, and manage graciously. I have helped with the PTA with both children, I have volunteered at the local food bank/drop in centre, I help with school transport to sporting event and right now I'm increasing the support I give to my unwell FIL.

I am thankful to those who run baby groups, sports clubs, Scouts etc and when I no longer have a dependent child along side working full time I hope to be able to commit to more things.

Maybe you can suggest that, if they want the group to continue, people could donate money instead of time to allow somebody to be paid to do this?

This. I and many people with small kids don't feel able to commit time and headspace to organising, but would pay for others to do it.

I didn't go to baby groups to do stuff. I went there to not do stuff. I'd rather not go, than have to be involved in running them.

Besides all the other good reasons given on this thread, this is a big one for me:

This is what puts a lot of people off. Judgy people who run these things.

When I went to these groups when DC were small, I never fully understood what they wanted me to do, when or how. No one said "we need x y and z at x time" it was more on the grapevine or just somehow transmitted by osmosis, yet if you didn't know and volunteer you got shitty looks. When I tried to help eg with tidying up or bringing snacks, my efforts would be met with more shitty looks and irritation like I was doing something wrong. Why would I want to be on a committee with people with that attitude?

I'm not some kind of incompetent dithering fool either, I do fine at my demanding job and I'm good at organising things, but the cliquiness and "what makes you think you're so special?" attitude from these groups is massively offputting.

I should imagine it’s the current volunteers that put the others off.

You need to be clear. When people join. We are a volunteer organisation. It’s x a week and we require a person to help x times a term ( person can be mum, dad, grandparent)

Because I don’t want to, and that’s ok. I spend my time how I see fit and I never thought to myself volunteering for a parent group was something I wanted to do. If it has to close that’s a shame but if people really valued it they would be saving it and volunteering

One of the parent and toddler groups I go to is run on a rota basis for set up, snacks, tidy up etc. Everyone pays a set fee per term and helps a bit.

Good suggestions about volunteers for playgroup thanks all. We don’t ask people to open or close on the same week. If as many people volunteer as they do now then all they will need to do is either open or close on e every couple of months. Not really being tied down or ruining people’s plans! Esp as almost all parents of multiples in the area come to playgroup every week.

Committee members need to be parents of multiples really - in order to moderate FB support group or liaise with hospital etc.

When I attended the baby groups, most volunteers were middle class SAHM women, who had helpful and supportive husbands, good family support, some had cleaners and gardeners and understood that not everyone was so fortunate to have as much time to share something back than others. They never resented others for not helping, but I appreciate that this might have been specific to the area I lived in.

You sound really aggressive. If you asked me like this in real life I wouldn’t want to attend the playgroup again, never mind volunteer!

I think I’m actually in this multiples group on Facebook as the situation sounds identical. I’ve never actually been to one of the play groups though - I can’t drive, my twins both have additional needs, so even i could get to one I wouldn’t be much use to anyone.

If there are people who go all the time and they’re refusing to volunteer then that’s really shitty. If they can attend the group regularly they can help run it. I’m sorry people aren’t being more forthcoming. I’ve found the online group and the friends I’ve made through it absolutely invaluable - I’m sure the play groups are too.

There are other groups in the area that are run by people without children - eg church ones with older volunteers. These are general and not twin specific. Rooms less safe.

There are also a couple of ‘for-profit’ groups which are £5-£7 for one hour.

Personally, the reason I didn’t volunteer at a weekly baby/child session I attended with my DC for a month or two last year, was that the people who ran it were unfriendly and kind of uptight, and I didn’t want to have to spend my free time in that environment. I felt guilty for not volunteering, but also knew I’d rather gnaw my own arm off than do so, so I stopped going to the group instead.

I’m a volunteer director at my DC’s nursery, worked for years with the Samaritans, etc, so not at all averse to volunteering. This is the thing: if you want volunteers, people have to want to volunteer With your group in particular. If they don’t, either look at what’s going on in the group and whether some of the rage in your post is scaring people off, or make helping mandatory. Particularly as you say it’s not particularly burdensome.

Wow OP you're getting a hard time here. How many people attend?

Most PPs on this thread seem to have weird ideas about what it involves that don't relate to my experience.

I volunteer at a toddler group. If enough people do it then you basically have to turn up 30 mins early and get the stuff out and help put it away at the end. I have to do this perhaps 4 times a year. If I can't make a date then I swap with someone. It's not asking for blood. It's not "working in a playgroup" as you only need to watch your own children, other than making others feel welcome and pointing out where the teas and coffees are.

Yes my DC whinges while I'm busy and it is a bit of a job due to how it's all stored. But if I and the other volunteers don't do it then a very valuable service will be lost.

I don't expect very new mums or pregnant women to sign up. I don't expect anyone to, really, but I would worry if no-one wanted to. There are one or two volunteers who do a lot extra (the accounts etc) but no-one is asking anyone else to do that. As a pp says, have you made it clear what's involved and how often?

What makes people happy to take take take and never give back? I’m genuinely interested.

I find that attitude horrible. You have no idea whether people are giving back or not. Just because they are not giving back to your group, doesn't mean they are not doing so elsewhere, or they have stuff going on.

My mother was dying of cancer during my mat leave for my youngest son. If I had got any hint that any of the committee or volunteers were thinking I was happy to take, take, take then I just wouldn't have gone, and instead would have felt more alone and isolated at home.

Just remember why you're running the group. If it's not working, then be clear from the outside: attendees MUST volunteer once a month.
Then parents can make an informed choice whether to attend.

I couldn’t have committed to helping at a play group. Some days I couldn’t leave the house. When I did, those groups were a lifeline but had I been made to feel guilty for “take take take” I wouldn’t have gone and I would have sunk even lower.
Now I am in a better place I volunteer and give back to what I can. That isn’t the play groups I went to, that I just took from. But I believe you can pay it forward, it doesn’t have to be like for like 🤷🏼‍♀️

Another suggestion well what they do at our church run group.. when they’re doing something that’s not fruit for kids/tea for adults like a buffet or a lunch type thing they pass a pad round the hall for us to write what we’ll bring for the buffet on it, they obviously fill the blanks if no one writes sandwiches etc but it’s an easy way for them to get extra food without an extra cost.. same with we provide the birthday cakes for our own and they have a little blurb up about bringing any unloved toys with us, so when little Johnny grows out of xyz you could drop it in rather than take it down to the charity shop/bin/attempt to put it on gumtree for a month.. so they end up with a steadish stream of toys and bits to help replace the older ones as they inevitably give up the ghost.